I went to visit a swingers club for the first time. AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes, we have kids. But, we are more than parents. I didn't lose my identity when I became a parent, and they have no idea what we do when they're not around. We also don't share our IRA balances, concerns about our parent's health, or details about work with our kids. All parents have a multitude that they keep to themselves.

Hmm that must be a white people thing. Asians usually share more information with their kids. All of my asian friends know their parents salaries, retirement account balances, parents and grandparents medical history, medications they are taking. White people have a very different sense of privacy and independence.

There are plenty of Asians in the Swinger world. It might be your neighbor or even a family member. Oh, the horror!!!

There are so many improper and stereotypical assumptions in this post it is mind blowing.

Please don't join that community and spoil it, many of you will be run out anyway since you obviously are repressed and fall victim to societal norms. Enjoy your vanilla life assuming that: anyone that is open to others is ugly, fat, hell bound, and/or down on their luck.

May slacks become cool again, because a dressed man or woman is a sexy man or woman.

Yes, woman wear slacks too. Google it.

By the way, before you jump to conclusions. I'm straight and not in the lifestyle. Y'all just need to worry about yourselves and stop judging others. Isn't that a Christian value?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you see puff daddy there?

And the teenager enters the chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes, we have kids. But, we are more than parents. I didn't lose my identity when I became a parent, and they have no idea what we do when they're not around. We also don't share our IRA balances, concerns about our parent's health, or details about work with our kids. All parents have a multitude that they keep to themselves.

Hmm that must be a white people thing. Asians usually share more information with their kids. All of my asian friends know their parents salaries, retirement account balances, parents and grandparents medical history, medications they are taking. White people have a very different sense of privacy and independence.

NP.

Since you brought up the whole “privacy” thing in this thread (and, the thread is really about OP’s visit to this particular club), one thing has really been bothering me about it. The OP said in like 2 responses, that the club had these private rooms where a couple could do “it,” but then the room had a window, so (if I’m understanding her), others could watch?

Is that really how it was?? And how is that in any way attractive to anyone??? What do they get out of it?

Maybe OP or somebody else can respond to this.

NP

Most clubs have some rooms with windows for others to watch. Or Windows that have shades that can be drawn. The lifestyle is about choice. There are many rules and boundaries based on choice.

No one is forcing themselves on others. Couples can choose to be alone, seen, be with others, or be seen with others. Boundaries are respected much more in these clubs than your typical night club.

Due to the nature of the lifestyle it is tight and protective. Club goers and owners communicate. Bad actors get known quickly and blocked.

Clubs check IDs with sex offender and criminal databases. Partly why they require "membership". Does your local bar or club do that? Does Tinder? Did you run background check on your last date?

The OP was clearly trying to break down the barriers for those interested, not looking for those with pre-established biases to try and hi-jack an effort to inform the broader community.

As I got involved years ago, I was shocked by the broad range of people in the community within the lifestyle. From all backgrounds and socio-economic levels. And that doesn't matter to most in the lifestyle. We are happy with our choice, and happy with yours. It's about choice and free will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes, we have kids. But, we are more than parents. I didn't lose my identity when I became a parent, and they have no idea what we do when they're not around. We also don't share our IRA balances, concerns about our parent's health, or details about work with our kids. All parents have a multitude that they keep to themselves.

Hmm that must be a white people thing. Asians usually share more information with their kids. All of my asian friends know their parents salaries, retirement account balances, parents and grandparents medical history, medications they are taking. White people have a very different sense of privacy and independence.

There are plenty of Asians in the Swinger world. It might be your neighbor or even a family member. Oh, the horror!!!

There are so many improper and stereotypical assumptions in this post it is mind blowing.

Please don't join that community and spoil it, many of you will be run out anyway since you obviously are repressed and fall victim to societal norms. Enjoy your vanilla life assuming that: anyone that is open to others is ugly, fat, hell bound, and/or down on their luck.

May slacks become cool again, because a dressed man or woman is a sexy man or woman.

Yes, woman wear slacks too. Google it.

By the way, before you jump to conclusions. I'm straight and not in the lifestyle. Y'all just need to worry about yourselves and stop judging others. Isn't that a Christian value?

Actually, it’s not. So let’s clear this up —

You are almost surely referring to Jesus’s statement in Matthew 7:1 — “judge not, lest ye be judged” — but this should not be misinterpreted to mean that all forms of passing any judgment whatsoever are bad. The Greek word used for “judge” in that sentence is “krino” which actually means condemn. What Jesus is saying is that we should not harshly condem people. Yet we should still disapprove of sinful behavior itself. And in fact, you see over and over in the Bible places where Jesus tells people that the sin itself is wrong, but he still shows great love and compassion for the sinner. For example, in John 8:1-11 Jesus clearly tells the prostitute to stop being a prostitute — but he intercedes and stops the Pharisees from stoning her too and delivers his command in a loving way.

Moreover, the central tenet of Christianity is that we are so flawed and sinful that Jesus died on the cross as a substitute for our sinful nature — and that we are reconciled to God through our faith in him. The Christian God is one of both justice and love — and it all meets cosmically on the cross.

I know this is not the main point of the post! But let’s not misrepresent what the Christian “value” is here. If you want to defend polygamy and sex clubs, fine, but don’t do so on the basis of a complete misinterpretation of Christian teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you see any sign of kink, such as dominatrix, sub/dom, or anything like BDSM? It seems obvious the most common kink at such a club would be exhibitionism.

The club that I went to did have one play room with a spanking bench, St Andrews cross, and cage. It was grey, with a concrete floor and had bad lighting. I'm sure that vibe is cool for some people, but not for me. I like a good spanking, but I want it to be in a nicer environment. We will pass on that room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Im curious do you guys have kids? That's one thing that has always not made sense to me is the people who do this that have children. If you dont have kids do whatever you want, but with kids it seems like a questionable decision.

Yes, we have kids. But, we are more than parents. I didn't lose my identity when I became a parent, and they have no idea what we do when they're not around. We also don't share our IRA balances, concerns about our parent's health, or details about work with our kids. All parents have a multitude that they keep to themselves.

Hmm that must be a white people thing. Asians usually share more information with their kids. All of my asian friends know their parents salaries, retirement account balances, parents and grandparents medical history, medications they are taking. White people have a very different sense of privacy and independence.

NP.

Since you brought up the whole “privacy” thing in this thread (and, the thread is really about OP’s visit to this particular club), one thing has really been bothering me about it. The OP said in like 2 responses, that the club had these private rooms where a couple could do “it,” but then the room had a window, so (if I’m understanding her), others could watch?

Is that really how it was?? And how is that in any way attractive to anyone??? What do they get out of it?

Maybe OP or somebody else can respond to this.

Yes, there are rooms with windows that open to the lounge area in the play area. These particular rooms do not have a shade to pull, and you would be on display for any of your activities. The windows are HUGE, so you wouldn't stumble in there by accident. If you want to be seen, this would be the place for you. If not, you wouldn't select this room.

Some people enjoy watching others play, or enjoy being watched.

[Anonymous]

I would love to watch but I’m too shy to actually go to one of these clubs.

[Anonymous]

I had never thought that going to a swinger club would be something I’d be open to—until reading the forum. Something exciting and new. Would I actually try it, I don’t know. However, I can’t imagine my wife being on board.

I have a much higher drive and than my wife, with kids and work, once a month is average. And, when are intimate, it’s generally a check box for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you see any sign of kink, such as dominatrix, sub/dom, or anything like BDSM? It seems obvious the most common kink at such a club would be exhibitionism.

The club that I went to did have one play room with a spanking bench, St Andrews cross, and cage. It was grey, with a concrete floor and had bad lighting. I'm sure that vibe is cool for some people, but not for me. I like a good spanking, but I want it to be in a nicer environment. We will pass on that room.

Interesting! So some clubs (or certain rooms in at least one club), had a few, um, “props” for people to play? This is fascinating. I did not know the meaning of a st andrews cross and had to search it.

Question for op or for anyone:

- beyond the props already described, did you happen to see any personal adult toys being used?

[Anonymous]

Is everyone fat and unattractive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you see any sign of kink, such as dominatrix, sub/dom, or anything like BDSM? It seems obvious the most common kink at such a club would be exhibitionism.

The club that I went to did have one play room with a spanking bench, St Andrews cross, and cage. It was grey, with a concrete floor and had bad lighting. I'm sure that vibe is cool for some people, but not for me. I like a good spanking, but I want it to be in a nicer environment. We will pass on that room.

Interesting! So some clubs (or certain rooms in at least one club), had a few, um, “props” for people to play? This is fascinating. I did not know the meaning of a st andrews cross and had to search it.

Question for op or for anyone:

- beyond the props already described, did you happen to see any personal adult toys being used?

On my two visits many years ago I did see a couple of vibrators but that was it. The sexual energy that exists definitely has an effect so toys aren’t needed. We kept to ourselves in the group room but you can’t help taking it to a new level physically with everything that’s happening around you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is everyone fat and unattractive?

Not at all. As previously posted, the assumptions and stereotypes presented by society are very wrong in this case, not just related to looks.

Think about it, it is about choice, and positive energy. Body positivity and comfort is sexy; that comes in many shapes and sizes. However most are normal people on the street, some hot, like really hot. Men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would love to watch but I’m too shy to actually go to one of these clubs.

So were we.

Seems so was the OP.

Don't hesitate, the people are normal and if you go on a newbie night it is even more welcoming. May be a lot less action in the rooms with the windows.

That said, like anywhere their are some bad apples. Go and check out the vibe. If it sparks your desires/fantasies start researching. Ask yourself what you want out of it.

Good luck, you can always walk out. Choice and free will is Primary in these environments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would love to watch but I’m too shy to actually go to one of these clubs.

So were we.

Seems so was the OP.

Don't hesitate, the people are normal and if you go on a newbie night it is even more welcoming. May be a lot less action in the rooms with the windows.

That said, like anywhere their are some bad apples. Go and check out the vibe. If it sparks your desires/fantasies start researching. Ask yourself what you want out of it.

Good luck, you can always walk out. Choice and free will is Primary in these environments.

It is so normal to have sex in front of other people. Smh

[Anonymous]

Aren’t you guys afraid of the fire of hell?