S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

It’s called divorce and the guy ends up losing more than half of what they brought in. Next question.

[Anonymous]

This is the dynamic. Women can have sex whenever they want and men can have a committed relationship whenever they want. The men that 90% of women want don’t want to commit because they can have any women they want. Of course the bear is always available.

[Anonymous]

Most men prefer to take the path of least resistance. Men take part in marriage, kids, Christmas and birthday celebrations, decorating, homeownership/renovations, parties with extended family, because women (either their mothers or wives) prod them to.

It's why men tend to do their best in highly structured environments, like the military. The self-starter entrepreneur types are rare.

[Anonymous]

Living together without marrying is about the absolute best deal there is in the universe for men.

You get to have sex without a definitive commitment. You got tons of free call options on sex. It is stupid to throw that away. It is literally throwing money away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What motivates people to BE strung along for years?

End Thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living together without marrying is about the absolute best deal there is in the universe for men.

You get to have sex without a definitive commitment. You got tons of free call options on sex. It is stupid to throw that away. It is literally throwing money away.

And you can keep pretending yours contemplating marriage you just need to be sure of a couple more things. That puts her on her best behavior! It’s like a multi year job interview to be with you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men prefer to take the path of least resistance. Men take part in marriage, kids, Christmas and birthday celebrations, decorating, homeownership/renovations, parties with extended family, because women (either their mothers or wives) prod them to.

It's why men tend to do their best in highly structured environments, like the military. The self-starter entrepreneur types are rare.

So if women didn’t prod them, what would they do on their own accord? Am curious.
Maybe this feeds in to the current failure to launch male crisis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women want to get married, still — still — given how bad marriage is for most women. I feel like there is a disconnect here that needs to be fixed. It’s just accepted without any thought. And then they go campaigning to get married and blame their boyfriends for stringing them along, etc.

The institution is broken. Give up. You have a preview of the future right in front of you with your indecisive boyfriend. Men are not going to help you with your mental load. They’re going to feign incompetence so you have to do the summer camps and Christmas and the birthday parties and every single other thing you haven’t specifically asked them to do. You’re on your own whether you are married or not. Stop being so pathetic and begging a man for something you are going to hate. You’re not doing him any favors either.

😂

I dont get it either. You see exactly how indecisive this guy is, but you stay hoping he will marry you. Once he marries you, you will come here and cry about mental load. This is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men prefer to take the path of least resistance. Men take part in marriage, kids, Christmas and birthday celebrations, decorating, homeownership/renovations, parties with extended family, because women (either their mothers or wives) prod them to.

It's why men tend to do their best in highly structured environments, like the military. The self-starter entrepreneur types are rare.

So if women didn’t prod them, what would they do on their own accord? Am curious.
Maybe this feeds in to the current failure to launch male crisis.

The current failure to launch is due to socrity becoming more and more complex. A lot of men who were perfectly fine hunters or perfectly fine assembly line workers who would go home after 8 hours of work and stare at the fireside or TV now have to multitask at ho.e and at work. Society is evolving faster than men are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this. I can never figure out why.

[Anonymous]

“Men don’t commit because they just don’t think about it” is cope.

Give an above average man a few dates with a VS model and watch what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

Because it looks desperate and non-credible. Anyome with leverage would just walk away.
This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this. I can never figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this. I can never figure out why.

And they are told this by men who do not want to marry. The men are looking out for themselves. If the women do want to marry
...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men prefer to take the path of least resistance. Men take part in marriage, kids, Christmas and birthday celebrations, decorating, homeownership/renovations, parties with extended family, because women (either their mothers or wives) prod them to.

It's why men tend to do their best in highly structured environments, like the military. The self-starter entrepreneur types are rare.

So if women didn’t prod them, what would they do on their own accord? Am curious.
Maybe this feeds in to the current failure to launch male crisis.

Play golf, watch porn, play video games, shoot guns, Watch sports, play poker. All the usual guy stuff that married men partake in to avoid their wife & kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What motivates people to BE strung along for years?

Lies and the lying liars who tell them. If people were honest about their intentions, their partners would be able to make better choices. But people lie, and people want the lies to be true, and things drag on much longer than they should until one person decides to look at reality and do the right thing.

It's usually a woman who leaves, not a man who comes clean.