S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I dont understand being strung along. If your goal is to be married after a year or two of dating, then move on when that doesn’t happen. What am I missing? Being strung along makes it sound like women are passive and have no control of their own destiny. Don’t blame the man for your inability to move own.

I’m a pretty pragmatic person, and I knew that I wanted to be a mother from an early age. So I had this conversation twice in my twenties.

But you have to realize that this is a weird conversation to have. On one hand, I am completely head over heels in love with you and want to wake up with you every morning and be with you until the day that I die. On the other hand, I’m fine walking away tomorrow and never seeing you again if you don’t feel the same way.

I mean, it’s hard to initiate a break-up and stick to it when you are really in love with the other person and want to be with them.

Not when you care more about having kids than who you have them with.

Like I said, I only did it one time. The second time I had this conversation, I got married. But it’s really hard to break up with someone even when you care more about being able to have your own family one day than you do about being in that particular relationship.

More women need to own this and communicate it honestly to their donor, ah, significant other.

Whatever you need to say to yourself to feel justified in stringing a woman along through all of her childbearing years.

A lot of people want to have children. It’s pretty selfish to take that away from someone you love because it makes you feel like a “sperm doner.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand being strung along. If your goal is to be married after a year or two of dating, then move on when that doesn’t happen. What am I missing? Being strung along makes it sound like women are passive and have no control of their own destiny. Don’t blame the man for your inability to move own.

I’m a pretty pragmatic person, and I knew that I wanted to be a mother from an early age. So I had this conversation twice in my twenties.

But you have to realize that this is a weird conversation to have. On one hand, I am completely head over heels in love with you and want to wake up with you every morning and be with you until the day that I die. On the other hand, I’m fine walking away tomorrow and never seeing you again if you don’t feel the same way.

I mean, it’s hard to initiate a break-up and stick to it when you are really in love with the other person and want to be with them.

Not when you care more about having kids than who you have them with.

Like I said, I only did it one time. The second time I had this conversation, I got married. But it’s really hard to break up with someone even when you care more about being able to have your own family one day than you do about being in that particular relationship.

More women need to own this and communicate it honestly to their donor, ah, significant other.

Whatever you need to say to yourself to feel justified in stringing a woman along through all of her childbearing years.

A lot of people want to have children. It’s pretty selfish to take that away from someone you love because it makes you feel like a “sperm doner.”

It takes two to tango. If the man or the woman wants the status quo to change, they need to say something.

I think some women know they're being unreasonable and that's why they don't want to speak up. If you're not willing to speak up, that's a sign you're not mature enough for marriage anyway.

[Anonymous]

Answer - BC they can
What you allow always becomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:From all the men I know: free sex. They like a steady supply- so they will keep hitting it and only leave if they fall hard for someone else.

But wouldn’t the guy keep getting “free sex” if he married her? Unless the woman is just using sex to lure him in and then planning to stop once she’s got the ring….

It isn't quite as malicious as this, but yeah, it is a reality for a lot of couples.

Based on the number of posters here claiming a version of this, it sure seems pretty planned out. In any case, it seems these men have caught on and aren’t willing to get played. Can’t really blame them.

[Anonymous]

I had one boyfriend who finally told me he didn't plan to get married until he was over 40, after we had dated for 4 years in our 20s. Broke up with him and lived happily ever after with a guy who did want to get married.

Men do this because they can, and don't apparently really want to have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Men enjoy regular sex without long term commitment or putting in any effort.

And after marriage, men put in regular efforts yet get almost no sex.

No they don't. Numerous threads here about it.

So why are all these women so eager to lock them down?

They want kids, not a husband, and the men are just means to that end. Once she gets her kids, the man loses utility.

You don’t need to get married to have kids. If that’s all they want, they can get it easily. But i suspect they also want a man to support them while they take care of the kids. And that’s why they want the commitment.

[Anonymous]

Lack of motivation not to stop.

[Anonymous]

Because men don't find value in marriage. It's not a good deal in the long. They have been educated by their older brothers and they are heading the lessons learned and wisdom imparted.

[Anonymous]

Any man in this situation should be required to read 100 posts on this board. Most of them will not choose to get marred after that.

The pattern is clear. She entices him into fathering her two children. Then claims she is all, "touched out" when he expects the same level of intimacy as before. Or, any level. Followed by a few years of misery before she's able to accuse him of checking out of the marriage, or adultery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any man in this situation should be required to read 100 posts on this board. Most of them will not choose to get marred after that.

The pattern is clear. She entices him into fathering her two children. Then claims she is all, "touched out" when he expects the same level of intimacy as before. Or, any level. Followed by a few years of misery before she's able to accuse him of checking out of the marriage, or adultery.

Why on earth would anyone purposefully trick someone else into an unhappy marriage that they are both then trapped in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand being strung along. If your goal is to be married after a year or two of dating, then move on when that doesn’t happen. What am I missing? Being strung along makes it sound like women are passive and have no control of their own destiny. Don’t blame the man for your inability to move own.

I’m a pretty pragmatic person, and I knew that I wanted to be a mother from an early age. So I had this conversation twice in my twenties.

But you have to realize that this is a weird conversation to have. On one hand, I am completely head over heels in love with you and want to wake up with you every morning and be with you until the day that I die. On the other hand, I’m fine walking away tomorrow and never seeing you again if you don’t feel the same way.

I mean, it’s hard to initiate a break-up and stick to it when you are really in love with the other person and want to be with them.

Not when you care more about having kids than who you have them with.

Like I said, I only did it one time. The second time I had this conversation, I got married. But it’s really hard to break up with someone even when you care more about being able to have your own family one day than you do about being in that particular relationship.

More women need to own this and communicate it honestly to their donor, ah, significant other.

If you don’t want marriage and kids, then you should own it and communicate, right?

[Anonymous]

Let's look at the kind of woman who gets strung along.

1) She is usually a needy low-value women with low self-esteem and who will allow herself to be ill-treated
2) These women are willing to give out sexual favors as a way to entice the man to stay with them. So, generally a willing hole for the man's pole.
3) These women could also have daddy issues, be unattractive, are weirdly competetive with other women, come from a dysfunctional family of origin, and have a mother who is also a hot mess.
4) They also attract user men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An anecdote about this. Told by a long married, older neighbor. She told her long term boyfriend, "I want to be married to you. But if you don't want to be married, I need to be dating other people." And she did. And no longer saw him. He had some months experiencing this new normal, evaluated his feelings and intentions and proposed marriage.

This is what I would suggest to young women. Women who do want to be married. If you don't want to be married that's ok too. But if you do, it's not exactly an ultimatum. It's just stating the truth. I can't be devoted to you, for any longer, if you're not wanting to be married.

Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. This shit rarely happens in real life. No guy realizes how good they had it and comes groveling. That’s just weird romance novel fantasy.

Really? All my exes did

The same my GF did when I broke up her and wasn't bringing enough to the table.

[Anonymous]

I wish Jeff would delete this forum altogether. Just a whole bunch of strange people posting on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women want to get married, still — still — given how bad marriage is for most women. I feel like there is a disconnect here that needs to be fixed. It’s just accepted without any thought. And then they go campaigning to get married and blame their boyfriends for stringing them along, etc.

The institution is broken. Give up. You have a preview of the future right in front of you with your indecisive boyfriend. Men are not going to help you with your mental load. They’re going to feign incompetence so you have to do the summer camps and Christmas and the birthday parties and every single other thing you haven’t specifically asked them to do. You’re on your own whether you are married or not. Stop being so pathetic and begging a man for something you are going to hate. You’re not doing him any favors either.

I agree with this!