S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish Jeff would delete this forum altogether. Just a whole bunch of strange people posting on it.

Impossible to imagine why they might have relationship issues, isn’t it?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

Women are explicitly told NOT to give ultimatums like this. I can never figure out why.

People see how it ends. And it usually ends badly.

I have had to help some friends move out after they put their foot down.

I once forced a friend (then 36) to give her bf of 18 years (!) an ultimatum. He broke up with her and six months later was married to a 25 year old Hooters waitress. She didn’t speak to me for two years. We are cool now, but it was a very bad time. I didn’t think he would refuse since they had been together half their lives. I really couldn’t anticipate that he would then immediately marry someone else. Especially someone so different in background and life prospects.

It’s been ten years and my friend has been in another long term relationship for seven years. She feels like she has no power to ask if things are ever going to advance, but motherhood is off the table now. She plans to retire from teaching as soon as she has her 30 years as it’s painful working with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a terrible deal for the majority of men. By dating women with the promise of engagement/marriage, you can have access to sex without the social and financial devastation that comes with marriage.

Marriage is the way worse deal for women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

It’s called divorce and the guy ends up losing more than half of what they brought in. Next question.

Wrong. Premarital assets are not divisible in a divorce. It is half the martial share of assets—not what they brought in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a terrible deal for the majority of men. By dating women with the promise of engagement/marriage, you can have access to sex without the social and financial devastation that comes with marriage.

Marriage is the way worse deal for women

And yet we get so many women complaining about being strung along. I have never heard a man complaining that the woman wouldn't commit. Wonder why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Men enjoy regular sex without long term commitment or putting in any effort.

And after marriage, men put in regular efforts yet get almost no sex.

No they don't. Numerous threads here about it.

So why are all these women so eager to lock them down?

They want kids, not a husband, and the men are just means to that end. Once she gets her kids, the man loses utility.

I felt that way about my ex husband. I did not want kids: I was a uterus and a wallet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a terrible deal for the majority of men. By dating women with the promise of engagement/marriage, you can have access to sex without the social and financial devastation that comes with marriage.

Marriage is the way worse deal for women

And yet we get so many women complaining about being strung along. I have never heard a man complaining that the woman wouldn't commit. Wonder why?

Men complain they can't get a girlfriend. They're not complaining about lack of commitment because living with your girlfriend who you're not committed to is a great deal. But for women, it has the downsides of marriage plus no legal protections or social pressure to stay together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a terrible deal for the majority of men. By dating women with the promise of engagement/marriage, you can have access to sex without the social and financial devastation that comes with marriage.

Marriage is the way worse deal for women

And yet we get so many women complaining about being strung along. I have never heard a man complaining that the woman wouldn't commit. Wonder why?

Men complain they can't get a girlfriend. They're not complaining about lack of commitment because living with your girlfriend who you're not committed to is a great deal. But for women, it has the downsides of marriage plus no legal protections or social pressure to stay together.

Wait, so men are complaining they can’t get girlfriends because they’re living with but not marrying their girlfriends?

This forum never fails to deliver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is a terrible deal for the majority of men. By dating women with the promise of engagement/marriage, you can have access to sex without the social and financial devastation that comes with marriage.

Marriage is the way worse deal for women

And yet we get so many women complaining about being strung along. I have never heard a man complaining that the woman wouldn't commit. Wonder why?

Men complain they can't get a girlfriend. They're not complaining about lack of commitment because living with your girlfriend who you're not committed to is a great deal. But for women, it has the downsides of marriage plus no legal protections or social pressure to stay together.

Wait, so men are complaining they can’t get girlfriends because they’re living with but not marrying their girlfriends?

This forum never fails to deliver.

Everything's hilarious when you can't read!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women want to get married, still — still — given how bad marriage is for most women. I feel like there is a disconnect here that needs to be fixed. It’s just accepted without any thought. And then they go campaigning to get married and blame their boyfriends for stringing them along, etc.

The institution is broken. Give up. You have a preview of the future right in front of you with your indecisive boyfriend. Men are not going to help you with your mental load. They’re going to feign incompetence so you have to do the summer camps and Christmas and the birthday parties and every single other thing you haven’t specifically asked them to do. You’re on your own whether you are married or not. Stop being so pathetic and begging a man for something you are going to hate. You’re not doing him any favors either.

I agree with this!

They should be thanking the men for "stringing them along" rather than duping them into marriage.

[Anonymous]

Women need men to marry them for economic protection if they get pregnant and have children together. That’s why women want commitment.

Men don’t care bc they don’t have the same biological clock pressure.

[Anonymous]

I've come to the conclusion that power balance has changed. This is 2025, women have agency, if a woman is staying without a ring, she is subconsciously okay with it. If she wasn't, she would've discussed it with him, proposed him or broken up with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand being strung along. If your goal is to be married after a year or two of dating, then move on when that doesn’t happen. What am I missing? Being strung along makes it sound like women are passive and have no control of their own destiny. Don’t blame the man for your inability to move own.

But you have to realize that this is a weird conversation to have. On one hand, I am completely head over heels in love with you and want to wake up with you every morning and be with you until the day that I die. On the other hand, I’m fine walking away tomorrow and never seeing you again if you don’t feel the same way.

I mean, it’s hard to initiate a break-up and stick to it when you are really in love with the other person and want to be with them.

This^. Women who are only looking for a wedding, can move on from one guy to the other with ease but women who fall in love, aren't as transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont understand being strung along. If your goal is to be married after a year or two of dating, then move on when that doesn’t happen. What am I missing? Being strung along makes it sound like women are passive and have no control of their own destiny. Don’t blame the man for your inability to move own.

But you have to realize that this is a weird conversation to have. On one hand, I am completely head over heels in love with you and want to wake up with you every morning and be with you until the day that I die. On the other hand, I’m fine walking away tomorrow and never seeing you again if you don’t feel the same way.

I mean, it’s hard to initiate a break-up and stick to it when you are really in love with the other person and want to be with them.

This^. Women who are only looking for a wedding, can move on from one guy to the other with ease but women who fall in love, aren't as transactional.

Yes. I think most men really don’t understand how deeply women fall in love. Most of their lives are pretty transactional.