Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Strivers, who are very transactional, and lacking in social skills and etiquette. They don't see you at the moment as having something they want. NOVA attracts many of these types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Huh. My kid just graduated from college and I have dozens of friends I met through his friends, his schools, his sports teams. I've lived my own life all along and don't obsess over money, work or achievements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do my best, but I don't really enjoy talking to people all that much.

Same. I will be nice and engage for maybe a minute, but I'm pretty good at signaling that's it.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Interesting reading over these responses. I'm really glad for those of you who have not experienced this! TBH I find it surprising as well.

I do want to note, I'm not talking about friendships or even really "chit chat." I don't care if people don't want to talk or sustain conversation. I have days like that too. I'm talking just about demeanor in extremely short exchanges. Like just saying hello with anything resembling pleasure, or bothering to recognize, for instance, that our kids are in the same class or know each other.

I've had the bizarre experience of my child coming out of school or an activity with another student, clearly having a great time together, and the kids say goodbye enthusiastically, and I will turn to their parents and say "well see you next week!" and they will look blankly back at me like "why are you talking to me?" Uh, because our kids are friendly and are classmates or in the same activity, and we will probably see each other over and over and over again during the course of the year, and it makes sense to me to make those interactions pleasant?

I don't understand the insistence on pretending like we don't know each other or have nothing to do with one another. I'm not inviting anyone on vacation or suggesting dinner dates. I'm literally just saying hello or introducing myself so they know I'm Larla's more or whatever.

[Anonymous]

OP. At work I've noticed people stare at me blankly when I say hello or good morning. Its the weirdest thing to me. I don't know what to say to you other than general expectations of pleasantries aren't shared values anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the DC area. People here don’t have basic social intelligence. It’s one of the things that make daily interactions here so unpleasant. As if saying hello or chatting for 2 minutes while at your kid’s school is just SO annoying and taxing that you can’t even bring yourself to do it. No one is trying to be your BFF or social climb by asking how your kid likes their teacher. So I’ll continue saying hi when I see you and I’ll comment on the traffic or whatever while we’re standing next to each other at the game this weekend watching our kids play on the same team because I like a world where people exchange pleasantries.

That's great, but some of us don't. What you're saying is that your preferences should take precedence over mine, and I am obliged to interact with you even if I'd prefer not to, otherwise I'm perceived as "rude." But there's no self-reflection that forcing your conversation and pleasantries onto others is actually the rude action.

So saying hello is rude and you can't even bring yourself to say hello in response because...you don't like pleasantries? Yeah, ok. If this is your take on the PP, maybe you should just stay home where you don't have to risk interacting with other humans. Attempting to interact with another person shouldn't be characterized as rude and if that's how you view it, it says a lot more about you than the person trying to talk to you. And I really don't think you need to worry about anyone forcing entire conversations on you--something tells me people pick up pretty quickly on the fact that you aren't interested. LOL

[Anonymous]

Pleasantries with people shows you are safe to be around. We do minimal things with object to show we are safw with objects like cleaning them or holding scissors facing down. Its sad people dont understand the usefulness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. At work I've noticed people stare at me blankly when I say hello or good morning. Its the weirdest thing to me. I don't know what to say to you other than general expectations of pleasantries aren't shared values anymore.

That's the infamous Gen Z stare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strivers, who are very transactional, and lacking in social skills and etiquette. They don't see you at the moment as having something they want. NOVA attracts many of these types.

Agree. People with real money and status don't do this. It's literally basic manners.

[Anonymous]

The wealthiest and most generationally comfortable parents at our school are always pleasant and respectful. It’s the vast sea of newer money and climbers that won’t return a simple greeting. As a PP said, they’re transactional. I always wonder what their own parents would think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. At work I've noticed people stare at me blankly when I say hello or good morning. Its the weirdest thing to me. I don't know what to say to you other than general expectations of pleasantries aren't shared values anymore.

That's the infamous Gen Z stare!

Correct. While we Gen Xers stare at YOU until you’re a forgotten puddle of old clothes on the floor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people think acting like that is a sign of status.

Also it's a sign of insecurity. These people don't know how to act. They aren't comfortable in any situation unless they are around their clique. Women are often like this if they never had a serious job. I moved from Fairfax to Loudoun and this was true. Many of the women I met way back then had life experience and so they were uncomfortable around women who did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Get therapy. In general I find people from NJ, NY etc are more outgoing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s the DC area. People here don’t have basic social intelligence. It’s one of the things that make daily interactions here so unpleasant. As if saying hello or chatting for 2 minutes while at your kid’s school is just SO annoying and taxing that you can’t even bring yourself to do it. No one is trying to be your BFF or social climb by asking how your kid likes their teacher. So I’ll continue saying hi when I see you and I’ll comment on the traffic or whatever while we’re standing next to each other at the game this weekend watching our kids play on the same team because I like a world where people exchange pleasantries.

It’s this. Truly successful people are outgoing and engaging. Your typical CEO, elected official, senior person in a company etc would not act like this. Your average DC government worker / cog in the wheel will.

I grew up in a wealthy successful family and it was drilled into me to make eye contact, never snub someone, engage etc. One big rule is to never let someone know if you dislike them. Everyone should think you like them.

Whenever people act like you describe you should just assume they weren’t raised better. They likely didn’t have successful parents and/or aren’t successful themselves.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Y’all just wanna form your social lives from your kids, your kids’ schools and the friends of your kids’ parents.

It’s not gonna work. Life can be long, and the school years for your kids are fleeting. You need to make your own friends and forge your own lives, and the way to do that is to stop obsessing over money, work and achievements and start living real lives instead of living through your kids.

Maybe the parents who ignore you at school functions are doing that. To them, you’re no different than a stranger on the metro.

Your metro reference clues me in that you’re not successful. You don’t understand the social rules of successful people, which are that you should not act standoffish, snobby or uninterested in someone. You never know who someone is or who someone knows. Turning up your nose at someone like OP describes could affect your own success which is why you don’t act like that. Act like that and you’ll find yourself riding the DC metro or your kids doing so.

So only unsuccessful people ride the metro? Ok

No. Some successful people ride the metro. But most do not.

This is so funny.