No birthday present- break up with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific

I’m a full fledged working woman and have been for decades. I cannot imagine telling my friend I want specific trinket. That’s really tacky.

There are small things loving partners can still do for each other. For example. I was dating a professional man and noticed his electric tea kettle got old and wasn’t fancy. I’ve sent him a new fancy kettle from Amazon. He was ecstatic because no other woman showed him affection and such attention

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring gifts to kids party

Wow, you have lot of issues if you cannot distinguish between a toddler’s birthday party and an adults birthday. Some of you are so nakedly greedy and materialistic.

This dude is not OPs husband of many years. It’s not like he invested money in house downpayment and pays for kids and stuff. Giving gifts, being attentive is a bare minimum he can do to keep things going

I get it when people are married and together for many years, gifts giving become a useless duty

Being attentive is not the same thing as giving gifts no matter how many times you post that.

If OPs BF knows she appreciates these small gestures, and he stopped doing it it’s definitely international and shows lack of effort
We do things to please our partners all the time even if it’s not necessarily what we like or appreciate .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific

I’m a full fledged working woman and have been for decades. I cannot imagine telling my friend I want specific trinket. That’s really tacky.

There are small things loving partners can still do for each other. For example. I was dating a professional man and noticed his electric tea kettle got old and wasn’t fancy. I’ve sent him a new fancy kettle from Amazon. He was ecstatic because no other woman showed him affection and such attention

I believe was sending gift cards and dinner to friends, not just a romantic partner.

As for the kettle, that’s sweet! You saw he could use something and got it. He didn’t demand that you celebrate the glory of his birth with trinkets. Do you genuinely not see the difference?

[Anonymous]

Reason #482 why I’d never be a lesbian. Women are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring gifts to kids party

Wow, you have lot of issues if you cannot distinguish between a toddler’s birthday party and an adults birthday. Some of you are so nakedly greedy and materialistic.

This dude is not OPs husband of many years. It’s not like he invested money in house downpayment and pays for kids and stuff. Giving gifts, being attentive is a bare minimum he can do to keep things going

I get it when people are married and together for many years, gifts giving become a useless duty

Being attentive is not the same thing as giving gifts no matter how many times you post that.

If OPs BF knows she appreciates these small gestures, and he stopped doing it it’s definitely international and shows lack of effort
We do things to please our partners all the time even if it’s not necessarily what we like or appreciate .

Like many, I have posted many times that OP should break up with the guy. But I’m not going to pretend that you and OP are anything but grabby materialists.

[Anonymous]

OP, your current situation is a mere preview of what the future probably holds.

If you are looking for a serious committed relationship, something for the long haul, this ain't it.

If you pardon me for being blunt I think this guy sees you as an easy convenience (sex?) in his life. He doesn't have to put much emotional or other effort into it, as he's demonstrated.

I wouldn't be surprised if he's still looking around and maybe dating other people. He figures why should he invest himself in you.

Overall, I get the impression that he feels you are a "meh" in his life until the real thing comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific

I’m a full fledged working woman and have been for decades. I cannot imagine telling my friend I want specific trinket. That’s really tacky.

There are small things loving partners can still do for each other. For example. I was dating a professional man and noticed his electric tea kettle got old and wasn’t fancy. I’ve sent him a new fancy kettle from Amazon. He was ecstatic because no other woman showed him affection and such attention

I believe was sending gift cards and dinner to friends, not just a romantic partner.

As for the kettle, that’s sweet! You saw he could use something and got it. He didn’t demand that you celebrate the glory of his birth with trinkets. Do you genuinely not see the difference?

He actually took me out for dinner on his bday .

If I was OP I wouldn’t demand gifts it’s stupid. I would break up if a man suddenly stopped giving gifts whereby he knew it would be important to me

[Anonymous]

I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific

I’m a full fledged working woman and have been for decades. I cannot imagine telling my friend I want specific trinket. That’s really tacky.

There are small things loving partners can still do for each other. For example. I was dating a professional man and noticed his electric tea kettle got old and wasn’t fancy. I’ve sent him a new fancy kettle from Amazon. He was ecstatic because no other woman showed him affection and such attention

I believe was sending gift cards and dinner to friends, not just a romantic partner.

As for the kettle, that’s sweet! You saw he could use something and got it. He didn’t demand that you celebrate the glory of his birth with trinkets. Do you genuinely not see the difference?

I do see the difference. If OPs BF cared for her and was observant, he would have noticed she needed something in the household. For example, coffee mugs. There are very nice romantic ones he could get for two of them to have coffee together, as an example. Won’t cost a fortune but would show his affection and long term plans to be her household fixture….

He just doesn’t give a crap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

I just feel that the obligation to give a gift on every occasion or set occasions, and how OP is claiming she would be happy with cheap flowers or some stupid trinket, is not the same thing at all. A truly perfect gift is a great thing. Getting pouty because you expect some physical object every single birthday and going out to dinner is not enough? That's childish and to act that way is to lower standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

The pressure to come up with the right gift multiple times a year takes the joy out of it. It becomes a tedious hamster wheel of escalation.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

The pressure to come up with the right gift multiple times a year takes the joy out of it. It becomes a tedious hamster wheel of escalation.

There are only 3 occasions a year - Christmas, bday and Valentine’s Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

The pressure to come up with the right gift multiple times a year takes the joy out of it. It becomes a tedious hamster wheel of escalation.

There are only 3 occasions a year - Christmas, bday and Valentine’s Day

Still too many.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

The pressure to come up with the right gift multiple times a year takes the joy out of it. It becomes a tedious hamster wheel of escalation.

There are only 3 occasions a year - Christmas, bday and Valentine’s Day

The person who thinks they come up with the perfect gift, on schedule, 3 times per year has a partner who protects the gift giver’s feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be the outlier here, but it’s an incredible feeling to receive a completely on point gift. It is a reflection of how much a person knows you, cares about knowing you, and showing you how much they care about knowing you.

Along the same lines, it’s an incredible feeling to GIVE a gift to someone that you know, that is completely on point, and watching their face light up when they receive it.

And this has nothing to do with costs of the gifts.

It’s a beautiful reciprocity in relationship and one that I really out in a lot of effort to cultivate in my marriage.

Signed, 40s divorced and remarried mom who does not agree to lowering standards in post divorce relationships.

The pressure to come up with the right gift multiple times a year takes the joy out of it. It becomes a tedious hamster wheel of escalation.

There are only 3 occasions a year - Christmas, bday and Valentine’s Day

She might be expecting him to deal with it for Mother's Day. And then he also has those holidays plus Father's Day. And then of course there is their anniversary. And if he goes on a trip without her. Amd any significant event like if she gets promoted at work or something. That's why this is so tedious-- there's no real end to it because you're feeding their ego.