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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely. [/quote]

[b]All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things.[/b] Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift. [/quote]

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes! [/quote]

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar). 
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Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I [i]get[/i] it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too![/quote]

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers  party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring  gifts to kids party [/quote]

Wow, you have lot of issues if you cannot distinguish between a toddler’s birthday party and an adults birthday. Some of you are so nakedly greedy and materialistic. [/quote]

This dude is not OPs husband of many years. It’s not like he invested money in house downpayment and pays for kids and stuff. Giving  gifts, being attentive is a bare minimum he can do to keep things going

I get it when people are married and together for many years, gifts giving become a useless duty

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Being attentive is not the same thing as giving gifts no matter how many times you post that.[/quote]

If OPs BF knows she appreciates these small gestures, and he stopped doing it it’s definitely international and shows lack of effort
We do things to please our partners all the time even if it’s not necessarily what we like or appreciate . 
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Like many, I have posted many times that OP should break up with the guy. But I’m not going to pretend that you and OP are anything but grabby materialists. [/quote]

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