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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way. [/quote]

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable.  They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up.  OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values?  I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment.  I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling.  Everyone should have that [/quote]

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way. [/quote]

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts. [/quote]

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap . [/quote]

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?[/quote]

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll [/quote]

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.[/quote]

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific [/quote]
I’m a full fledged working woman and have been for decades. I cannot imagine telling my friend I want specific trinket. That’s really tacky. 
[/quote]

There are small things loving partners can still do for each other. For example. I was dating a professional man and noticed his electric tea kettle got old and wasn’t fancy. I’ve sent him a new fancy kettle from Amazon. He was ecstatic because no other woman showed him affection and such attention [/quote]

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