No birthday present- break up with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd drop him. The men I know who don't make the effort with their significant others to recognize their birthdays and anniversaries are selfish and self-absorbed. ADHD is not an excuse. You deserve better.

But they went out to dinner! He probably thought that *was* recognizing it. Because it is.

OP here. Ok fine, I’ll bite. I had to ask him when we were going out for my birthday because he didn’t proactively set something up. And then he planned a dinner last minute, was late picking me up, and at dinner he said he meant to bring flowers but ran out of time and looked really sheepish like he knew he was not bringing his A game.

Did he have a reason he was late/distracted? Has the relationship simply run its course?

If I were in my twenties, I would never accept this lack of effort. It all kind of sounds like he isn’t into OP.

Unfortunately, OP is now a divorced middle aged woman. I’m not sure if OP wants children. It doesn’t sound like she does.

It doesn’t sound like this is a good match and OP should move on.

I have a friend who is twice divorced. She also highly values gift giving. She was like OP divorced in her mid thirties and married a guy who went all out with gifts and flowers. He was very grand in gestures. Then the gestured stopped after they got married and he left her.

There were many less grand guys who she probably thought were low effort. She could be married with kids but she went for the grand gift giving man.

She seems to have less and less options now in her late forties. She still refused to settle and wants everything.

OP here. I have kids and don’t want more and don’t want to get married again. I’m also fine not dating anyone at all.

Sounds like you probably shouldn't be dating anyone. Let your boyfriend go, for his sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

I think OP’s BF is the one who is lazy and only does what suits him. He took her to dinner because HE would also benefit from eating food. He can’t see the benefit in anc didn’t want to put an effort in grabbing a $15 bouquet on his way to dinner. Because it doesn’t benefit him directly and immediately. He doesn’t want to show his affection, or doesn’t care about what was important for OP (and he was well aware of)
The fact of him doing it before and stopping doing it DOES indeed indicate a loss of affection on his end

I would move on

I'd be annoyed if someone got me a $15 bouquet of crappy flowers from Safeway. Are there people who would really like that? Either get me the flowers you know I like or don't get me anything. Don't waste money on some stupid gesture because someone told you that's what you should do on Valentine's Day.

DH gets me giant flowers. It is better than getting no flowers. He used to send me flowers to work and I think he used pro flowers or some other online site and they weren’t the type of bouquet anyone was impressed by. It is what it is.

He earns a high income and we do go on large expensive trips. We will go on a 20k vacation but I doubt he has ever spent $100 on flowers for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll.

Of course it is. But this forum takes the bait all the time, even when it’s clearly a troll. Recreational for some, I think.