No birthday present- break up with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm confused at all the posters attacking OP by saying gift giving isn't a social norm. Since when? When you are invited to birthday parties or baby showers, do you not bring a gift?

It is a norm at baby showers. It is a norm at birthdays FOR CHILDREN. Adults do not make a big deal about receiving birthday gifts, and if they do they are unhealthy, materialistic, and possibly insane.

[Anonymous]

No wonder your first marriage failed. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think someone who doesn’t want a birthday dinner and spending time with their partner over a meal and instead just wants to be bought stuff is just a selfish greedy person.

Yes, we know you think that. You don't need to repeat yourself. Some of us think partners like you are lazy. Time can be spent together over a dinner any old day.

I think OP’s BF is the one who is lazy and only does what suits him. He took her to dinner because HE would also benefit from eating food. He can’t see the benefit in anc didn’t want to put an effort in grabbing a $15 bouquet on his way to dinner. Because it doesn’t benefit him directly and immediately. He doesn’t want to show his affection, or doesn’t care about what was important for OP (and he was well aware of)
The fact of him doing it before and stopping doing it DOES indeed indicate a loss of affection on his end

I would move on

Nobody wants a crap bouquet that just checks the gift box!

That’s the tell. Buying those crummy roses from a street vendor at the last minute counts. Focusing completely on you at dinner doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

[Anonymous]

At this point in your life, I would look at it like this: Is he adding value or not? If he's just adding stress and making you second guess his commitment and intentions it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Two years in and he refuses to gift give..
Move on .. Plus you two aren’t even engaged + over 40 and with kids ?

Ehhhh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring gifts to kids party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is like a man saying my love language is sexy clothing and lingerie. I want her to show me she cares by putting thought into what I would want to see her in and wearing what I want her to wear and when I want her to wear it. If she doesn’t do that, then she clearly doesn’t care about me or love me and it’s disappointing because a good girlfriend would want to please her man and do what is important to him in a thoughtful way.

For some men having s sexy woman who takes care of herself is a non-negotiable. They would never date a fat slob who never wears make up. OP is a materialistic person who expects gifts - why should she compromise and accept a someone who doesn't share her values? I don't share her values, but I still thing she should get what she needs from a relationship with no judgment. I get what I need from mine and find it fulfilling. Everyone should have that

Disagree. Gifts giving has been a love language and way to express affection since beginning of civilization. He was doing it before and now stopped. He could have gotten flowers at $20 at Safeway to show his affection.
It’s not materialistic for OP to feel that way.

Gift giving is a made up ‘love language’ to get stuff. Comes from the traditional gender norms of men are a wallet and need to pay out to be with me mentality… if you actually love someone then you don’t care that they brought you Valentine’s Day gifts in person or that your birthday gift was a dinner out. Do you teach your kids to demand gifts from extended family and from everyone around them and if they don’t get gifts on the exact day, then those people don’t love them? Nonsense. Gifts shouldn’t be demanded or required or else they aren’t gifts.

It’s very impolite to go to someone’s bday party and offer them an act of service (clean the kitchen) when everyone else brings gift. I just wouldn’t invite that person anymore.
It is still traditional and a social norm to give gifts on bday. My mom will be very upset if I don’t give her flowers or anything for her bday. I give gifts to my girlfriends on their bdays. Because I value these people.
And yes, you need to grow up: life in general is material. It costs money.

I wouldn’t be with a man who only can offer acts of service but I’m the one paying rent. No way, it’s actually HIM who is being materialistic and too cheap .

Your mom sounds crazy. And I certainly would not want gifts from girlfriends. How much of life must be given over to this tedious shopping, wrapping, giving, feigning excitement, then having to keep track of who gave you something because they'll get pouty if you don't repeat the routine back to them... It's all so boring! Can't we be adults and skip this?

I order stuff online after asking what they want. If they say anything I send an electronic money gift card for $50-70. AND I pay for dinner taking them out. You see I’m not cheap with people I value and want to stay in my life

It’s still very much a social norm to give at least a small token on bday, Valentines Day etc.

Those who don’t consider it a norm would be a minority, if we created an online poll

You giving gift cards and buying dinner? You folks already told us that that is too low effort. But you are not cheap? Sounds transactional.

Read better - gift cards if the person didn’t ask for anything specific

I’m a full fledged working woman and have been for decades. I cannot imagine telling my friend I want specific trinket. That’s really tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring gifts to kids party

Wow, you have lot of issues if you cannot distinguish between a toddler’s birthday party and an adults birthday. Some of you are so nakedly greedy and materialistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring gifts to kids party

Wow, you have lot of issues if you cannot distinguish between a toddler’s birthday party and an adults birthday. Some of you are so nakedly greedy and materialistic.

This dude is not OPs husband of many years. It’s not like he invested money in house downpayment and pays for kids and stuff. Giving gifts, being attentive is a bare minimum he can do to keep things going

I get it when people are married and together for many years, gifts giving become a useless duty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks focusing on the gift thing are missing the point. OP isn’t complaining that the dude didn’t give her a Chanel bag. Even if the gift is small, it denotes time, effort, acknowledgement. Come on, we’ve all had boyfriends who took the time to make or cook something when we were all broke and it was super meaningful.

He’s phoning it in OP. Ask yourself what the long term goal is with this guy (eventual marriage? Cohabitation?), then sit and speak with him frankly. It’s ok if yours goals don’t align. But if they don’t, end it. Being with someone like this is depressing.

I will point out, as someone whose been in your position, that there’s a somewhat harsh truth to post divorce dating where the fairy tale does sort is leave the building, so if this guy is honest, kind, and you enjoy his companionship, ask yourself if that’s enough. I’m not saying “settle” in a bad way, but the truth is that relationships later in life look and feel different than they did when we were younger. Just food for thought. If you think he’s wasting your time, yes let him go. But if he’s a good man and this is just how he does relationships, maybe it’s enough? Just saying…the pickings for women aren’t awesome out there. Best of luck to you, sincerely.

All of the love languages are about time, effort, and acknowledgement. Some are even are about connection. We get it! What you don’t get is that gift givers want particular type of these things. Dinner is not good enough. Cooking a meal is an act of service, not a gift. OP wants a physical item. If he were distancing himself (and she cared) or he weren’t otherwise thoughtful, pretty odd to write a post about not getting a gift.

This is really the best part of this this thread. I'm another who does not care about gifts or birthday acknowledgement. I really can't get into the mindset of people who think that is important (and objectively, I think it's lame). But as an intelligent person, if that was important to them, and they let me know, I would intellectually never, ever forget, and if I loved them I would buy gifts. And they would be decent gifts too, because I would take notes and I'm aware and observant enough to get hints and know likes and dislikes!

You must already be a gift buying person. That’s just not how some of us think. If I see something a friend or my husband likes, I buy it and give it to them. I don’t hold on for months to match the calendar. (I’m a different poster than the one who said something similar).

Yes, you are right- I mean, I am a woman and Gen X. It was expected growing up and with boyfriends that I lurvvvvved so much I guess? But now I'm married to a wonderful DH who doesn't care, and kids who don't care. We all have everything we need and don't pout over gifts at the right time. So I got very lucky and found/created people with my same love language (I think it's acts of service? I mean I don't follow any of this BS). MIL needs gifts, and DH takes care of all that. So you are right- I had gift buying entrenched in me, I get it, but luckily I don't need it in my daily life. Sounds like you are lucky too!

Great, now we know who didn’t bring a gift to toddlers party. It’s that happy lady with lawyer hubby in a house with the pool next door. They just got lost in their happiness and forgot to bring gifts to kids party

Wow, you have lot of issues if you cannot distinguish between a toddler’s birthday party and an adults birthday. Some of you are so nakedly greedy and materialistic.

This dude is not OPs husband of many years. It’s not like he invested money in house downpayment and pays for kids and stuff. Giving gifts, being attentive is a bare minimum he can do to keep things going

I get it when people are married and together for many years, gifts giving become a useless duty

Being attentive is not the same thing as giving gifts no matter how many times you post that.