Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

Can you job-hunt for a more flexible position with a lower salary but still stay in the game, so to speak? I wouldn't quit when you're only a few years away from not needing constant supervision, aftercare, etc. Unless you think you'll be able to easily re-enter when your youngest hits middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongly considering leaving my job to stay home with my 6 and 10 year old kids. All post-Covid flexibility seems to be gone in both DH’s and my fields - he is back working long hours in the office 5 days a week and I can work from home 2X per week but find myself having to be in early or work late far too often on the days I am in the office. We feel like this is taking a toll on our kids - we are rarely around, recently have missed a ton of school events due to work conflicts/travel, DH and I are distracted and stressed 24/7 and trying to get dinner on the table or manage household chores is a nightmare (and we already outsource plenty). Having 2 FT working parents with very demanding jobs has just become too much.

For all the above and more, I am thinking about resigning but am very conflicted. I have spent the past 20+ years building my career and I genuinely enjoy working and challenging myself. I have looked for other, more flexible opportunities but there is truly nothing that is going to be strictly 9 to 5 and still pay anywhere close to what I make (open to a pay cut but not 50% less), and I don’t need to trade one demanding job for another.

My biggest hesitation is stepping back now when my kids are already in elementary and gone every day from 8:30-4/5pm between school and activities. Is this really the time to let it all go? I worry about what I will do when they are in high school and beyond, and it will be very challenging to get back into the corporate workforce as a 50yo woman. Additionally, losing my salary (over $400K) will mean we need to seriously adjust our lifestyle, and we can do it but that also comes at a cost.

Has anyone else been in my shoes and decided to leave? Was it the right decision or do you regret it?

Open to any and all advice!

For me, losing $400k would be significant. I’d rather make $200k with flexibility than earn nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHM is the only way to raise the kids right.

You could really benefit from having less judgment in your life, so could your kids. I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Mom of teenagers here who took a big step back when kids were little but stayed in the work force. If there’s any way to keep a foot in the door but reduce hours, even if the pay is peanuts compared to what you are making now, I would go that route. Can you consult? Go PT? Switch to a family-friendly NGO that pays $100k for a 35hr work week but values your corporate experience?

Because I stayed in I was able to lean back in as my kids got older. Now they’re in high school and I am working an intense job, highly respected in my field, deriving a lot of value from my work, and proud to be the highly accomplished mom that my kids are proud of. If I had dropped out entirely there’s no way I’d be where I am now. My mom was a SAHM (who I also was proud of!) but she definitely struggled in her 50s when we needed her less. I totally get not wanting to miss your kids childhood while you’re a stress case from work (I struggle with that a bit now even) but if there’s a middle ground it would benefit you to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody regrets being a SAHM.

Are you kidding? I do. I went back to work in part because a sahm of older kids down the street, someone i liked and admired and who seemed to have a great life, said she regretted staying home and felt that she was trapped and had no options for the future.

My mom was a SAHM and then my Dad was diagnosed a brain tu or and couldn't work for an extended period. He had a risky surgery that could have killed him or left him permanently disabled but fortunately worked though the recovery was rough. Insurance doesn't cover everything. The savings were totally wiped out. It took mom time to get another job in addition to everything else.

If you do decide to be a SAHP, the working parent especially needs very good life and long term disability insurance.

I think this stuff kind of goes both ways. My cousin had an aneurysm and died suddenly when her girls were in third and fifth grade. Because she was a SAHM and active in the community, the girls had an extended network of adults that they could rely on and that helped them get through their mother’s death. People took turns helping with homework, cooking meals, driving them to appointments, etc.

Unless these kid are now middle aged and you know for sure they are fine, you do not know the severe impact this had on them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one in college and one in med school and I'm glad that I stayed in the workforce. We have a comfortable life, we can retire, and the kids are starting with a huge advantage in life (no student loans and down-payment for decent housing).

I am a SAHM. We also saved up for college, med/law/business school, new car, big fat wedding, down payment to first house etc. Kids also earned merit scholarships so some of the college savings got converted to their ROTH.

Good for you. Mine do not attend that type of colleges.

[Anonymous]

i assume your husband is making the same or more.

in your situation, i would hire help.

[Anonymous]

Keep your foot in the door but cut back, if that’s what you want to do. A neighbor lost his job and has been out of work for a year. His wife is a SAHM and now can’t even get an entry job.

If you can make it work, maintain a trickle of work experience just in case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not easy to be a 50 yo woman with no professional identity.

Yes!!!
Thank you for point this out! So hard! It was literally and identity crisis.

Why would you make your identity about work? Is there nothing else to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i assume your husband is making the same or more.

in your situation, i would hire help.

This !

For $400k you should be outsourcing more. Hire a housekeeper. Outsource cooking (hire someone or use meal services.) Hire a nanny or a high school student to run kids to after school activities. In middle and high school kids need a driver more than a parent for the after school shuffling. Reserve you actual time at home for quality time with the kids, not running a household chores. That extra salary provides access to more activities and college savings. I wouldn’t give it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have one in college and one in med school and I'm glad that I stayed in the workforce. We have a comfortable life, we can retire, and the kids are starting with a huge advantage in life (no student loans and down-payment for decent housing).

I am a SAHM. We also saved up for college, med/law/business school, new car, big fat wedding, down payment to first house etc. Kids also earned merit scholarships so some of the college savings got converted to their ROTH.

But this isn't possible for everyone without dual incomes. These discussions are silly to give advice across the board when everyone has a different life. I know it is irksome to hear a wohm say "thanks to my job, my kid has xyz" when your kid has xyz because you took an opposite approach and you know others who don't have xyz. It doesn't matter because not everyone is in the same position with the same background, opportunity, personality, spouse, support, community or work culture. We don't know what miseries or blessings op will have to deal with going down either road. Even those closest to her will not know. This has to be decided with deep self intuition and consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i assume your husband is making the same or more.

in your situation, i would hire help.

In a situation where each parent makes enough money on their own that the other parent could completely stop working and the family would *still be wealthy* you would… hire help?

I rarely ask/think this, but come on. If money is THAT important to you, what was the point of even having kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly try just leaning out a little bit. Ive seen people do this and have no one notice. Get back to people a little more slowly, say you have a conflict for late afternoon meetings. I'd try that first.

+1 lots of men are setting boundaries without talking about. Women ask permission and get dinged for it. My advice to women who are working their way up and those at the top is “decide what time of day is more important to you and block it.” And then do everything in your power not to take meetings during those time slots. I still do this and I’m in the C suite. Years ago, my block was 4-6 to walk down the street and walk my elementary school kid home and deal with early dinner. Now, it is more like 4:30-7. I stop and check in with her on homework, make sure she eats and shuttle her around to activities. I rarely have to interrupt that slot.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of suprr flexible 225k jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of suprr flexible 225k jobs

Lol
You don’t even know what line of work OP is in.