Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of suprr flexible 225k jobs

Lol
You don’t even know what line of work OP is in.

She’s a lawyer obviously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of suprr flexible 225k jobs

Lol
You don’t even know what line of work OP is in.

She’s a lawyer obviously

My neighbors are both lawyers and they have 3 kids. He's in house general counsel and she works for a mid sized firm. She told me she would never make a partner, but she hits her billable hours. If OP is a lawyer, maybe moving to in house or association would provide some W/L balance.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, take the break. There have been, literally thousands, of individual takes on DCUM on this question, but honestly there is only ONE RIGHT ANSWER:

What ever works best for you and your family.

That said, My family works best when I don't work. I'm okay with this because we can afford it and I hate working. My flexibility has become even more important as the kids have gotten older, not the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Can you go part-time?

[Anonymous]

You sound very competent. I think you’ll be able to go back to something well paid and fulfilling once the kids are older.

Take a break. You deserve it.

[Anonymous]

My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't leave in those circumstances but maybe you can take a break and not ruin your whole career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you will regret it, maybe you won't. It is difficult to tell.

How will your contribution as a SAHM be measured and validated? Are you and your spouse on the same page regarding common goals, family values, children upbringing etc? How will you protect yourself and your family financially?

This is how I did it (lots of luck and serendipity played a role) -
- I had saved almost all the money I had earned as a working woman and had a healthy retirement and investment fund. Till date I have let the money grow.
- We made sure that we were heavily insured so that if something happened to my DH (sole earner) we would have money for the rest of my life without going back to work and I could pay off the mortgage, pay off my kids college, pay off their wedding and pay off the expenses of my old age.
- DH and I do not have a prenup and I manage the finances. I was protected against the marriage breaking and being impacted financially. There is no addiction, abuse, adultery in the family. DH is a good father and husband.
- My DH has a secure job and we kept many costs down. We save 50% of DH's salary.
- I kept the support structure and expenses from pre-SAHM days. I retained my cleaner, lawn service etc. I did not want to get resentful by doing routine chores without help.
- I had a comprehensive plan for the kids education, ECs, health, socialization and well being. That was my main focus.
- The aim was to have a smooth running household so that my DH could spend time with the kids and me when he was home.
- Our family valued - kids education, family health, socializing, being careful with our money, and peace of mind.

This person knows what she’s talking about! I work but have plenty of family support to allow for these things at an 85% level. If I didn’t I would absolutely quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

WTF?

[Anonymous]

I would do it op and then find a way to get your foot in the door in small ways like people said. I do think there is probably a way through some consulting or contracts or something. But it doesn’t have to be right away.

My situation is different, I don’t make as much but I’m about to make a slightly similar move. I used to have a lot of flexibility and the balance between work and family felt right. Work has ramped up and it is feeling very off. Between my husband and I’s schedules we used to be able to get the kids early, have more afternoon time together, it wasn’t a rush of evenings. I can see the difference the shift has made in our kids and the overall stress in our family. We’re ok, we could make it, but I think having actually had balance before has really helped me to know it can be better and it’s worth changing for.

So I’m going to leave where I am and start my own thing and it will be less money at least for awhile but I think it will be worth it. While some sahm regret some time in the workforce, most that had a good long successful run in the workforce that I know, don’t regret spending some time focusing the other direction. And the vast majority of people never regret time with family even if they wish other opportunities had been available too (like to work at times too) Good luck op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a high schooler and a college student. Yeah, you’ll regret it. Maybe not in the next few years, but long-term, unless you can find a passion project or new career to start as your kids get older. I would seriously look for part-time and not be necessarily so fast to dismiss a 50% pay cut. $200k is a ton of money and might give you the best of both worlds.

You have a lot of useful life left. Spending more time with your kids is great but its a job that will end sooner than you think.

I also have older kids. ITA with this post. Keep your hand in something 20-30 hours a week even if lose more than half your salary, which is still a good chunk of money.

[Anonymous]

People say “outsource” like it’s so easy. But frankly, unless you find a unicorn nanny or housekeeper, you often have to be satisfied with sub-par results. Either you hire them because they’re great with kids and reliable (which I personally prioritize) and put up with their housework (done only while kids are in school). Or vice versa, they’re good at the house stuff but barely converse with the kids. And if you hire multiple people to specialize then you have to micromanage even more people. Let’s face it, it’s not always cream of the crop in terms of intelligence or executive function going for these jobs. Sometimes it feels easier to do it yourself!

[Anonymous]

Here’s the thing. If you keep working and your kids turn out a mess you will always wonder if you had just stayed at home would it be different.

If you keep working and your kids turn out great! That’s great.

If you stay at home and your kids turn out a mess, at least you can say you did all you could.

If you stay at home and your kids turn out great, then great!

Everything is a gamble. Only you can know how you’d feel. I mean your marriage could fall apart. Life is about balancing risk v reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

Having kids is not a problem. In my case, my kids are my purpose and my career is a means to an end to give them the life I want them to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People say “outsource” like it’s so easy. But frankly, unless you find a unicorn nanny or housekeeper, you often have to be satisfied with sub-par results. Either you hire them because they’re great with kids and reliable (which I personally prioritize) and put up with their housework (done only while kids are in school). Or vice versa, they’re good at the house stuff but barely converse with the kids. And if you hire multiple people to specialize then you have to micromanage even more people. Let’s face it, it’s not always cream of the crop in terms of intelligence or executive function going for these jobs. Sometimes it feels easier to do it yourself!

This is an excellent point.