What are the tell-tale signs of a good guy?

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people pretend they are good, kind, nice, etc by being over the top nice and positive. Be wary of these types. See how they behave when they are in a difficult situation or a position of power or advantage, or think no one will know or see what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH is nice, and he's a looker. I don't remember anymore which part of him I fell for first (the looks or the niceness), but the niceness is what kept me. However, I have never been attracted to "bad boys" and turned down a lot of attention from equally hot guys who didn't have good personalities before ending up with DH. So, looks and chemistry are important, but they are the least important thing eventually (we all lose our looks at some point!).

I knew DH was a keeper when:

He was genuinely nice to others, including service people, coworkers, etc.

He keeps in touch with people who have been involved in his life in some way (writes letters, checks in with phone calls, etc). He has lived in several other countries, and always keeps friendships this way. I think it's super endearing that he writes little notes to his friends once in a while.

He has guy friends and girl friends (not just "bros") and NEVER flirts with the girl friends

His friends all told me some variation of "he's so considerate" "he's so nice" "he's such a gentleman" when I met them the first time. Lots of people feel the same way about him, so that's a great sign that that's his real personality (it is ).

He was always responsible with money and he things (tidy, organized), but not cheap (would pay for good quality, good service, and memorable experiences).

The last way I knew: We'd been together for 2 years and were engaged before he told me his family had a significant amount of money. I thought that it was classy that he didn't try to woo me with that.

P.S. He pees standing up, but never makes a mess (wipes the bowl with a tissue if he misses). He also gets the "pee shiver" when he stands and pees, which only makes me love him more!

I know this guy. I dumped him because he's never punctual and often way late. Am I right?

[Anonymous]

Observe him with children. He doesn't need to be full-throttle running around and crawling all over the ground with them, but she shouldn't be dismissive with them either. If he shows a general interest in listening to them, and playing with them, or at least tries to get a smile out of them- that will melt your heart. Not all guys are like that. It's a good sign if you get that warm feeling when you see your guy trying to make a 3 year old smile.
Also, guys with sisters are AMAZING. I had an unwritten rule about that. They seem to be more sensitive and just know more about how females work, and that's a lot.

[Anonymous]

*he

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP's this thread is nearly two years old. OP is probably divorced by now.

Or in a sexless marriage. 8)

[Anonymous]

"Also, guys with sisters are AMAZING. I had an unwritten rule about that. They seem to be more sensitive and just know more about how females work, and that's a lot. "

They're used to being bossed around by females.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes people pretend they are good, kind, nice, etc by being over the top nice and positive. Be wary of these types. See how they behave when they are in a difficult situation or a position of power or advantage, or think no one will know or see what they are doing.

This is completely true. My husband came on as super sweet, goes out of his way to be over-the-top nice to strangers (cashiers, waiters, people on the street), is a goodie-goodie around his parents, but the reality is that he's a controlling, abusive, nightmare to me. I fell for the way he treated other people, not the way he ultimately treated me (at first he was very sweet to me but once we were married he flipped like a switch). I didn't see the red flags and now I'm in a miserable marraige.

How he treats other people is important, but even more important is how he treats you.

Also, a PP noted that a big sign of character is how he acts when things are tough, stressful, and challenging. My husband is a complete a-hole to me when he's under stress and he lashes out and gets really mean.

[Anonymous]

Also ,not judge someone based on height. Some PP poster stated if you get o 35 it is time to settle for guys 5'i" and under. I think being tall has nothing to do with being a good guy. Height is also a personal preference.

Ask yourself how does he treat you, other people, does he accept you or who you are, does he balance you? A guy that makes you insecure or if you have to keep wondering if he will call is not the right guy for you. He can be a good guy, just not for you.

[Anonymous]

@ boundaries and doormats....

I had one boyfriend who had this down pat...it was his best quality. Totally loving and gentlemanly within his boundaries, but I knew exactly what his boundaries were and what was non-negotiable, and he was never unkind in expressing them...just very very clear. So yes I think it's totally possible to have both those qualities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married women especially, who are happily married to a good guy - -please share the signs you saw in him that tipped you off while still dating that he was/is a good guy? I seem to have my radar set on the wrong frequency and could really use insight into what other women recognize in dating relationships that their guy is marriage material, and more than that, that he's going to be a great husband, friend and father.

Straight shooter who didn't play games. Went out of his way to please me. Close relationship with his family. His religion and marrying someone of the same religion was important to him. He wanted lots of kids. He had a great sense of humor. He got along well with my family. He wasn't a partier.

[Anonymous]

I think these are all great.

A good kisser is a good start.
Has some long term friends and positive relationships.
Steady employment history
A clean organized home for me was an excellent sign, even if it's a maid that he pays, he has his priorities right.
Pays happily for dinner. You are his girl, FFS.
Will dance with you at weddings, even if he looks like a tool.
Can make you laugh
Not a hardcore drinker
Not so obsessed with sports that he must devote the entire season to watching every single game, all day long. You will want someone who ultimately want to be with DC and you over the TV.
I think jerking off to Internet porn isn't that big of a deal. Going to the AVN conference in Vegas is a bad sign. Actually routine trips to Vegas is also a bad sign.
Run away from anyone who buys a lottery ticket daily. A hopeless chump and dreamer...

[Anonymous]

OP here... wow, this thread goes WAY back in time. At the time, I was separated and going through a divorce but not dating yet. Was really nervous that I'd pick another loser or go the opposite of my ex as an extreme.

I made a list of basics I was looking for (many gathered here, some of my own) that weren't the typical qualities guys would expect to hear (good looking, wealthy, tall, etc). Things like kind to everyone, patient, generous with his time (ie, he coaches, or volunteers somewhere), intelligent, funny, not afraid of commitment, and attractive *to me*.

I found a good guy whom I dated for a few months but it didn't click, but I was proud of my ability to identify and date a good guy again. Then I wasn't expecting it, but I met a GREAT guy who is beyond what I ever dreamed possible, and even has some of those qualities I wasn't focused on (but are nice to have). The best part was I had that feeling in my gut right away, and then over time, his actions confirmed my hunch was correct.

To the PP who said women over 35 have to lower their standards or be content as forever single, you could not be more wrong. I am SO glad I didn't consider for a minute lowering my standards after my divorce. If anything, I raised them. And I got a real gem whom I adore and love in the process. There is hope!

[Anonymous]

OP thank you for coming back to the thread and updating! I am so glad that things have turned out so well!

Signed,
not a new poster, but a poster who responded to this thread two years ago.

[Anonymous]

I understand why you would ask that question, but honestly, the major turning point in my adult dating life came when I was crying on the shoulder of one of my best (and most honest!) friends over a loser who had just broken up with me, and she looked at me and said kind of exasperated "I just don't understand why you don't feel worthy of a food man who will be available and love you well. The guys a woman attracts are like mirrors of how she sees herself/what she thinks she's worth. Why do you feel you're worth so little?"

That question turned everything on it's head for me and started a journey of questioning and self-discovery in my early 30s that led me to an amazing man in my late 30s.

Crazy thing is, I saw myself (and most people saw me) as a confident, interesting person. I always thought I really did believe I was worthy of a really good man.

Long story short: my friend was 100% right, I didn't feel worthy and instead attracted guys with whom I'd never be in a stable relationship with, because I didn't think I deserved one. Even though I really wanted one and thought I'd been looking for one all those years.

Focus on yourself OP. look at the guys you have dated and ask yourself if it's possible you found them because you deep down don't think you can get or deserve any better? Then seek the source of your feelings and try to seriously boost up your sense of self worth.

The good guy will follow if you feel good and worthy of him.

[Anonymous]

GOOD man, not food man!