What are the tell-tale signs of a good guy?
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Anonymous
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Wow. A lot of, IMO, bad advice so far. A lot of folks writing in what's important to them personally, but that might not be to you. For example, I love driving. I like cars. I am married to someone who drives a sports car. He now has two. I think a man who can PROPERLY DRIVE a fast car with a big engine is sexy.
Here is my list: 1) You are comfortable with him and view him as a friend. Unless he repulses you, keep an open mind. 2) He calls when he says he will, or often enough where you are certain that he's as into you as you are into him. 3) He keeps his commitments to you. 4) He tries to get along with your friends and family. 5) You have the same idea about dating and exclusivity. Meaning, if he's really into you, he'll drop all the other chicks he's dating within a few weeks. And when you guys talk about the exclusive thing, it's not a difficult discussion. (Uh, just so you know, I'm not dating anyone else. Are you? Nope. Ok cool.) 6) You jive on things like work ambition, tipping, work/life balance, etc. All the other stuff - family relationship, bill paying, etc. really depends on YOU. My DH was a mess financially and we worked it out. He wasn't the cleanest but again, we've worked it out (housekeepers help!). |
Anonymous
Ha, my thoughts exactly! I would not be attracted to a guy like this. |
Anonymous
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He loves his family (not just his mom, but dad, sister, nephew, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, etc.)
Is careful - but not stingy - with money. On the few occasions he went out drinking (lots!) with the boys and got loaded - such as a bachelor party - it made him miss me and call me up to tell me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. Likes snuggling with me. Made CD music mixes for me. Is someone I genuinely enjoy talking to. I love our kids, but I also love being alone with him because our conversations are so interesting to me. Smells good to me (not a cologne thing, but a pheromone kind of thing, his body chemistry just smells great to me). Balances my weak points. Laughs easily and puts people at ease. Is someone that his co-workers really like working with. When he's not around, the work atmosphere just isn't as good. He makes people perform better. Has multi-faceted interests (politics, music, sports, travel, science). Tries new things willingly (tried to cook me dinner for one of our first dates - one of the worst meals I've ever eaten, but it was to his credit that an Englishman tried to make gumbo). Wanted to hang out with me - even if he didn't think he was going to "get lucky" yet - because he enjoyed my company. So we made origami and went for a walk. (He ended up getting lucky.) |
Anonymous
SI find the sitting on the toilet thing one of the oddest things I have ever heard! It's disturbing. How about, pee like an adult man and clean up your mess if you pee on the seat, floor, etc. |
Anonymous
Single female here and this list sounds like a good one to follow. I too love cars and driving fun cars - have a sports car myself! What' so bad about a sprts car?? |
Anonymous
| He never made me second guess myself. With guys in the past, I would see red flags but question myself instead of the guy (maybe I overreacted, maybe I mis-read him, maybe I'm too uptight/paranoid, whatever). Those relationships always ended badly because they were all trouble and I made excuses for their bad behavior. They made me not trust myself or my own instincts. DH never gave me a reason to make up an excuse for anything he did. He's a stand up guy. |
Anonymous
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I knew my DH was a catch from the moment I met him- and he was unlike any guys I dated before.
He is nice. Genuinely nice. To everyone. Yes, he gets frustrated and doesn't tolerate being taken advantage of...but he is still nice about it. And he is nice to our DS. |
Anonymous
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Does he really LISTEN to you and remember what you said?
Is he punctual? If he is always late then he in inconsiderate and this only get worse. Is it always about him? When you are out with him do his eyes follow other women. ( I went out with someone who did this all the time and one time I "accidentally" knocked a glass of water over in his lap. That got his attention.) Most of all, is he nice? |
Anonymous
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OP, my DH is nice, and he's a looker. I don't remember anymore which part of him I fell for first (the looks or the niceness), but the niceness is what kept me. However, I have never been attracted to "bad boys" and turned down a lot of attention from equally hot guys who didn't have good personalities before ending up with DH. So, looks and chemistry are important, but they are the least important thing eventually (we all lose our looks at some point!).
I knew DH was a keeper when: He was genuinely nice to others, including service people, coworkers, etc. He keeps in touch with people who have been involved in his life in some way (writes letters, checks in with phone calls, etc). He has lived in several other countries, and always keeps friendships this way. I think it's super endearing that he writes little notes to his friends once in a while. He has guy friends and girl friends (not just "bros") and NEVER flirts with the girl friends 
His friends all told me some variation of "he's so considerate" "he's so nice" "he's such a gentleman" when I met them the first time. Lots of people feel the same way about him, so that's a great sign that that's his real personality (it is ).
He was always responsible with money and he things (tidy, organized), but not cheap (would pay for good quality, good service, and memorable experiences). The last way I knew: We'd been together for 2 years and were engaged before he told me his family had a significant amount of money. I thought that it was classy that he didn't try to woo me with that. P.S. He pees standing up, but never makes a mess (wipes the bowl with a tissue if he misses). He also gets the "pee shiver" when he stands and pees, which only makes me love him more! |
Anonymous
| A lot of people are saying to guage a guy on if he is nice to service people, big tips, etc. - I actually got bit in the butt on this one. I dated a guy who was super noce to waiters, service people, etc. After about 3 months of dating, I found out that he had lied to me and was not divorced but actually married at the time. I thought that this guy was the nicest, most sincere guy ever and not just becuase he was a good tipper or treated service people w/respect. I was totally snowed!!!!!! |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Just a kind person. Close with his family, nice to others. Would say things when we were dating like "that's really hard to watch" when something like a St. Jude's commercial came on TV and avert his eyes.
My husband isn't big on gifts etc. Of COURSE this isn't true for everyone, but in my past, guys who were showy about money, gifts etc were hiding something. So although I sometimes wish he'd do more, I find his lack of showiness appealing and genuine. |
Anonymous
| Most importantly, I agree with watching how he treats everyone. My DH has a SN brother and is kind and compassionate to everyone he encounters. He is also not a pushover, a great negotiator, and really good at managing money. I think it really helps to be on the same page regarding spending and savings priorities. |
Anonymous
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13:04 - on the money.
Does he know when to shut up (not in a bad way, though I know DCUMers will try to turn this into something it is not). And when to speak up? OP, be watchful of the family dynamics. He may have a sibling/s close in age that was/were/are physically OR emotionally abusive and stifling that really resents him and acts out. The acting out can be passive aggressive and damaging. They will feign ignorance. If the mom is too checked out (LAZY), she may not do anything about it, and it may stunt his relationships in general. Oh, am I giving too much information away here? Anyway, be watchful of the family dynamics and if they are on the same page as you. If they are bullies and do not say many genuine but nice things about many (yes, including but not limited to you), you may want to reconsider. These are people who are insecure at best. They are looking for problems and have many of their own. |
Anonymous
| PP's this thread is nearly two years old. OP is probably divorced by now. |