Were you spanked as a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think some people in this thread were beaten as children and are calling that spanking.

It’s almost like a social taboo against spanking will help prevent child abuse?

[Anonymous]

Hitting your little kids makes you look weak. Do you want them to spank you when they get bigger than you?

[Anonymous]

There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

There’s a problem with thinking that kids need any sort of corporal punishment in order to be taught how to behave in the first place. How is it that so many of us can possibly raise well behaved kids without threats and punishment while others swear that it’s not possible? We are living proof that it’s possible so I will never accept that a parent must use this sort of violence ever. All it leads to is unnecessary abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

There’s a problem with thinking that kids need any sort of corporal punishment in order to be taught how to behave in the first place. How is it that so many of us can possibly raise well behaved kids without threats and punishment while others swear that it’s not possible? We are living proof that it’s possible so I will never accept that a parent must use this sort of violence ever. All it leads to is unnecessary abuse.

It’s one option for discipline. Some people believe it’s a legit option, some believe it’s not, and still others believe that NO type of punishment is acceptable.

You can probably rear most children without using any negative consequences, and for the most part you can get happy, productive adults. That’s not really the metric, though. Because you may not have great behavior or cooperation in the child years. When you can’t instill good behavior, parents are a lot more stressed, they often decide that they can’t handle more kids that they originally wanted to have, marriages can suffer, family time is a lot less enjoyable, you end up in a constant “divide and conquer” mentality with your spouse.

So I guess the reasons are largely that effective discipline can give you a more peaceful, enjoyable family life in the moment, which is not nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

There’s a problem with thinking that kids need any sort of corporal punishment in order to be taught how to behave in the first place. How is it that so many of us can possibly raise well behaved kids without threats and punishment while others swear that it’s not possible? We are living proof that it’s possible so I will never accept that a parent must use this sort of violence ever. All it leads to is unnecessary abuse.

We’d need to meet your kids first before lending this statement any credibility. All of the evidence would suggest that you’re more than likely raising rude, entitled little shits.

[Anonymous]

My brother was routinely spanked. He was a big trouble maker and got into all kinds of mess. Later in life my mom expressed her regret at the frequency with which she spanked him. When I asked if he had any resentment, he shrugged and said, yeah I was a knucklehead.

I was spanked infrequently, as I was a rule follower and a straight A student. It all stopped around middle school. And we were never slapped in the face. That would be a bridge too far for me as it's meant to humiliate, not merely punish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother was routinely spanked. He was a big trouble maker and got into all kinds of mess. Later in life my mom expressed her regret at the frequency with which she spanked him. When I asked if he had any resentment, he shrugged and said, yeah I was a knucklehead.

I was spanked infrequently, as I was a rule follower and a straight A student. It all stopped around middle school. And we were never slapped in the face. That would be a bridge too far for me as it's meant to humiliate, not merely punish.

Since you seem relatively OK with this, what kind of spankings were these?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes grew up in Chevy Chase. When my kids were young my mom used to say “you kids only did that once”. I wanted to say yes because you beat us after the first time but I never did. She was a crap mom. She’s a crap grandmother too.

Are we siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

There’s a problem with thinking that kids need any sort of corporal punishment in order to be taught how to behave in the first place. How is it that so many of us can possibly raise well behaved kids without threats and punishment while others swear that it’s not possible? We are living proof that it’s possible so I will never accept that a parent must use this sort of violence ever. All it leads to is unnecessary abuse.

We’d need to meet your kids first before lending this statement any credibility. All of the evidence would suggest that you’re more than likely raising rude, entitled little shits.

There’s absolutely no evidence that spanking improves the behavior of a child. In fact “all of the evidence” would suggest the opposite…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

No there’s not. You’re just a more talkative abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm 44, grew up in California. White family, not immigrants. Both parents grew up in big Catholic families where spanking was the norm.

All my siblings and I were spanked, often with a belt by my dad. Agree with other posters that it does dmt help me learn and was generally a sign of my parents losing control and running out of ideas.

But the thing I think impacted me most was seeing them hit my siblings. If I was being spanked, I just remember fear and pain. But seeing a sibling get hit allowed me to view the situation as an outsider and really highlighted for me what a parenting failure it was. I remember two instances when I was around 12 years old where I basically lost all respect for my parents.

One was my dad spanking my 9 yr old brother because he was not doing a good job sweeping the kitchen. It was so obviously my dad being angry about other stuff, wanting to take it out on someone, and choosing my brother. It was stupid and lazy and that was obvious to me at the time. I actually intervened and told my dad to stop and that I would make sure the floor got swept.

The other was watching my mom slap my sister across the face for failing to clean her room before going to some activity practice. Sister was 16 or 17 at the time. Again it was just so obviously my mom taking her own anger and frustration about other things out on my sister. In that instance, I remember thinking how weird it was to see my mom hitting someone who was practically an adult, and also thinking how my sister seemed my mature in that moment even though she was only a few years older than me.

My parents had kids young, were very immature, didn't know how to resolve conflict, model positive behavior, develop mutually respectful relationships. I feel sorry for them even as I also feel sorry for my siblings and me that we had such poor parenting.

This sums up my feelings on the matter, too. I also have never spanked or even had the urge to. Even from a young age it was so obvious to me that my parents spanked us out of anger and a loss of self control. I think it’s ineffective and wrong, but I have much less of an issue with, say, evangelical Christian parents I’ve met who take the biblical punishment thing literally and will threaten and spank their kids later in the day at home as a calculated, measured form of punishment. But just losing your temper and hitting your kids is pathetic. I had lost all respect and love for my parents by about age 5, and our relationship never recovered. I did not talk to them for a decade once I moved out and still have no interest in a relationship.

For the longest time, my parents were all I had so I had a relationship with them. I didn’t have children until late mostly because I realized how miserable having kids made my parents. It wasn’t until I had kids that I fully realized what absolute shit show my parents were. I still have a relationship with my parents, though one of them died last year and I was sad, but with tinges of apathy.

[Anonymous]

DH and I both were spanked. From New England and Pennsylvania, in our early/mid 30’s. Both of us had one immigrant parent (Asian and Eastern European) who did most of the spanking, but our American parents also spanked rarely.

I don’t think it really worked well as a punishment tactic but it wasn’t the huge psychological trauma people these days make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are South Asian Muslims. Never got spanked, my parents were polite and kind in general and I was an easy going kid with good behavior and good grades so there was never a need for discipline.

Another Muslim here. I got spanked. Usually for silly things like accidentally breaking stuff. I could never understand why I was punished when it was not intentional on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a problem here with conflating parents lashing out and hitting or kicking or beating kids as an act of anger (because one didn’t sweep the kitchen adequately), and a very moderated, deliberate, judicious spanking that is delivered after the parent has considered a punishment and discussed the behavior and consequences with the child.

There’s a problem with thinking that kids need any sort of corporal punishment in order to be taught how to behave in the first place. How is it that so many of us can possibly raise well behaved kids without threats and punishment while others swear that it’s not possible? We are living proof that it’s possible so I will never accept that a parent must use this sort of violence ever. All it leads to is unnecessary abuse.

We’d need to meet your kids first before lending this statement any credibility. All of the evidence would suggest that you’re more than likely raising rude, entitled little shits.

There’s absolutely no evidence that spanking improves the behavior of a child. In fact “all of the evidence” would suggest the opposite…

Bolded quote did not specify spanking, but overall “threats and punishment” i.e. this person is clearly a gentle parent who does not discipline their child. We can all see how that turns out.

But as an aside, the vast majority of “data” re spankings and behavior 1) conflate spanking with beating and 2) confuse correlation and causation.