How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Duh.

Most of us are evolved and emotionally mature enough to know this and not blow up marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is within my mom, she's able to seem normal but is actually pretty crazy.

It's true that my dad is an a$$h*le, so I don't blame her for leaving him, but she could have done so much better than who she has now. The thing about cheating is the dating pool is very limited, and people willing to be an AP tend to have a lot of problems of their own. And now she's stuck with him and his problems and half as much family time and everyone thinking it's gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was married and told me one night she was going to leave him and the kids. I didn't want to F her anymore...

That sounds about right.

So clearly representative of men's pathology when it comes to cheating. Men don't cheat for love, they cheat to avoid responsibility. If he could handle relating to other humans like a decent human being, he would've left his spouse. Clearly, all he wanted was an escape.

Some of y'all use people like some folks use drugs and it's gross.

You're crazy if you think only men do this. When I was with my AP, it was the only relief I ever had from my real life, my SN kids, my distant and cold DH, my never-ending responsibilities. Women need the break more than men do...

"I need the break" - every addict ever re: their addiction of choice

And reading between the lines, it seems like you think addicts and POS who don't deserve to be treated like humans. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don't sound like a reasonable human being as your post is dripping with contempt, blanket judgment and hate.

You sound like a cheater trying to justify your actions. Cheaters are selfish, undisciplined animals

Yup. Everyone on here saying cheating is some variation on "not that bad" is a disgusting human being.

"Selfish, undisciplined animals" rutting and squealing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

DP. Remember the heartache when you were younger and a BF or GF and you broke up? It’s like that but you can’t talk about it with anyone.

Occasionally I experience something I want to tell my AP. I remember conversations we had and moments we shared. We had a sexual connection that was quite something. But I’ll never get to see him again or even talk to him.

But the relationship was immoral and wrong. I’m ashamed of what I did and if I could relive my life, I would have never had an affair.

So did your spouse and kids find out about this?

I’m curious too. Or is the husband still in the dark?

I told him and we are in counseling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

Regret it for the past 17 years. It gets a little easier each passing year and hopefully it will eventually be a non issue. Yes, I truly feel bad for my ex and family. Not AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was married and told me one night she was going to leave him and the kids. I didn't want to F her anymore...

That sounds about right.

Yeah, it sucked because i still miss f'ing her, but I don't need her baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was married and told me one night she was going to leave him and the kids. I didn't want to F her anymore...

That sounds about right.

Yeah, it sucked because i still miss f'ing her, but I don't need her baggage.

So just the act, not her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was married and told me one night she was going to leave him and the kids. I didn't want to F her anymore...

That sounds about right.

Yeah, it sucked because i still miss f'ing her, but I don't need her baggage.

So just the act, not her?

She was fine. Killer body and dirty which I liked. A lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is within my mom, she's able to seem normal but is actually pretty crazy.

It's true that my dad is an a$$h*le, so I don't blame her for leaving him, but she could have done so much better than who she has now. The thing about cheating is the dating pool is very limited, and people willing to be an AP tend to have a lot of problems of their own. And now she's stuck with him and his problems and half as much family time and everyone thinking it's gross.

Women talk about their value a lot far more than men. So some of these women genuinely believe that if their current bf DH isn't seeing their value another man will. Some of these women even with therapy don't believe they are the issues. Sadly in some cases they need to deep digger because they have issues themselves that they need to address.

[Anonymous]

Discovered I was not the only AP. She was taking other men in her place to be with. All went down hill after. Sad part is that I was falling for her, believed she loved me. Can’t recover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Discovered I was not the only AP. She was taking other men in her place to be with. All went down hill after. Sad part is that I was falling for her, believed she loved me. Can’t recover.

Gross your poor wife. My ex was banging a married ho who was banging everyone. It’s just horrifying for the unsuspecting spouse to learn their health was compromised. I mean if someone’s willing to lie and cheat and be promiscuous it’s not like they are clean or exclusive to the ap either. Then- you gave no idea what their spouse was doing either. It’s so violating.

[Anonymous]

Nothing dramatic. I was divorced/ he was married and separated. I just stopped. Lasted 5 years. Maybe start again in the future. Who knows. Not a soul know. We were bf/gf 20 years ago. We should have married.