How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discovered I was not the only AP. She was taking other men in her place to be with. All went down hill after. Sad part is that I was falling for her, believed she loved me. Can’t recover.

This is hilarious. The woman you were cheating on your wife with was cheating on you with others?

Case study: men are idiots, women are evil.

[Anonymous]

She said her neglectful, alcoholic husband swore he would quit and work on the marriage and she needed give him a chance. I predicted that would last two weeks. When she came back to me a month later, I was already seeing someone else but we still hooked up a few times. Then she became very angry that I continued to see the new one and broke it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:8 months in with an SDI that won’t clear.

Wtf did you contract? Please tell me you didn’t expose your spouse to this crap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:newsflash it all ends badly

For whom?

I know numerous people married to their APs. I work in a big, international company and have seen lots of affairs - and when people divorce and marry their APs, they often just transfer to a new city and start a new life. No one in the new city knows it started as an affair.

To be fair, the American men I work with are less likely to cheat than some other nationalities. But in some of those nationalities, the women seem to accept it.

I’m not saying it’s right - but I think we should open our eyes that these things unfortunately happen and not everything lasts forever and, in this context, scorched earth may not be the best approach for anyone, especially kids who still love both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 months in with an SDI that won’t clear.

Wtf did you contract? Please tell me you didn’t expose your spouse to this crap

Molluscum Contagiosum. No, it’s what outed my affair because I didn’t want to expose her.

[Anonymous]

It usually ends when one partner moves, changes jobs, or upon discovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 months in with an SDI that won’t clear.

Wtf did you contract? Please tell me you didn’t expose your spouse to this crap

Mind your own damn bizness woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 months in with an SDI that won’t clear.

Wtf did you contract? Please tell me you didn’t expose your spouse to this crap

Mind your own damn bizness woman.

NP. If you don’t want people to ask about your SDI seems like you shouldn’t post about it on the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It usually ends when one partner moves, changes jobs, or upon discovery.

This. When one partner calls it quits or found out or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

Idk sounds ideal to me

[Anonymous]

My affair turned into a marriage. Fifteen years later, we're still happy.

I was already separated when we met, and heading towards divorce. He was already trying to decide whether to leave his marriage. I don't think our affair "caused" his marriage to end. I think it was going to end, regardless.

However, I struggled a lot with whether I could trust him, at the beginning. I was being honest with my STBX about seeing other people, but he was lying to his then-wife because he was still very conflicted about whether to leave, and scared she would make the decision for him.

I broke it off with him a couple of times: told him he was not being fair to her, and although I loved him I didn't want to see him until he was either separated or at least being honest with her about seeing other people. I was pretty angry at him. I felt like he was being self-indulgent. We had a lot of difficult conversations and for a while I thought it would never work.

But in the end, he got separated, we started seeing each other more, we each got divorced, and eventually we got married to one another. I waited several years though. I wanted to feel sure it wasn't just the lure of novelty that was carrying us along.

Overall: I am glad we got married. He is not perfect, but no one is, and he tries his best, and there is a lot of love, premised on a lot of willingness to accept one another and forgive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

Wherever you go, there you are.

Sorry you had to screw someone else over to figure that out about yourself, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My affair turned into a marriage. Fifteen years later, we're still happy.

I was already separated when we met, and heading towards divorce. He was already trying to decide whether to leave his marriage. I don't think our affair "caused" his marriage to end. I think it was going to end, regardless.

However, I struggled a lot with whether I could trust him, at the beginning. I was being honest with my STBX about seeing other people, but he was lying to his then-wife because he was still very conflicted about whether to leave, and scared she would make the decision for him.

I broke it off with him a couple of times: told him he was not being fair to her, and although I loved him I didn't want to see him until he was either separated or at least being honest with her about seeing other people. I was pretty angry at him. I felt like he was being self-indulgent. We had a lot of difficult conversations and for a while I thought it would never work.

But in the end, he got separated, we started seeing each other more, we each got divorced, and eventually we got married to one another. I waited several years though. I wanted to feel sure it wasn't just the lure of novelty that was carrying us along.

Overall: I am glad we got married. He is not perfect, but no one is, and he tries his best, and there is a lot of love, premised on a lot of willingness to accept one another and forgive.

Were there any children involved in this melodrama?

And how does it feel to be married to a pussycat who couldn’t confront his ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My affair turned into a marriage. Fifteen years later, we're still happy.

I was already separated when we met, and heading towards divorce. He was already trying to decide whether to leave his marriage. I don't think our affair "caused" his marriage to end. I think it was going to end, regardless.

However, I struggled a lot with whether I could trust him, at the beginning. I was being honest with my STBX about seeing other people, but he was lying to his then-wife because he was still very conflicted about whether to leave, and scared she would make the decision for him.

I broke it off with him a couple of times: told him he was not being fair to her, and although I loved him I didn't want to see him until he was either separated or at least being honest with her about seeing other people. I was pretty angry at him. I felt like he was being self-indulgent. We had a lot of difficult conversations and for a while I thought it would never work.

But in the end, he got separated, we started seeing each other more, we each got divorced, and eventually we got married to one another. I waited several years though. I wanted to feel sure it wasn't just the lure of novelty that was carrying us along.

Overall: I am glad we got married. He is not perfect, but no one is, and he tries his best, and there is a lot of love, premised on a lot of willingness to accept one another and forgive.

Thank you for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

Actually, the truth is that cheaters are all around you. Some of your family, friends, community members have committed adultery. They just don't talk about it. Just like you don't hear from every third woman you meet that she's had an abortion. It's a normal human behavior. It's not a good one, but it would probably rock your black and white world to know that people you admire and respect have made mistakes too.

No, you absolute trashcan of a human, it isn't "a normal human behavior". There are rapists and murderers around me, and that's the better analogy: harmful people with deep pathology that prevents them from acting like decent humans. Equating this to abortion is just nonsensical rhetoric. And cheating isn't "a mistake": it's a fscking choice. It's not an oops; you plan that, think about it, and execute.

But thanks for reinforcing PPs point that y'all are committed to the lies you tell yourselves to excuse your garbage behavior.

I’m PP and I haven’t cheated. I have been cheated on and I have friends and family who have cheated.
If half the population does it, it is, in fact, “normal.” Whereas far less than 1% of the population commits murder. And 30% of women have an abortion. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don’t sound like you are able to bring a rational voice to this thread.

Imagine rationalizing cheating, and being smug to people whose basic human decency precludes them from participating in that mess.

No, I will never "normalize" cheating. Just because so many of you cheat doesn't make it normal. It makes cheaters jerks.

You’re right. Cheating is horrific and akin to murder. Cheaters should be given the electric chair.

There. Is that what you want?

How did you get this from someone saying cheaters are jerks? You think people refer to murderers as merely "jerks"? Frankly, the PP is right: You people are such jerks on top of having no shame.