How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

+100000. When I found out about my wife's affair I filed for divorce the next day and never spoke to her again. All our communications were through lawyers. I find men who fake cheating wives odd to be honest..the sort of betrayal and "how dare you" that we feel when we get cheated on is deep.

Women are really forgiving. But I also heard some wounded women are ruthless as well.

You better f*n believe it. "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned."

DH knows if he cheats, hell will rain down on him. Plus, his father cheated on his mother a few times, and he saw the devastation this caused. Both his parents passed away, and DH and his siblings still talk about those affairs and don't view their father favorably.

A friend of mine cheated on his wife. Big mistake. The divorce proceeding was rough and costly. she aired his trysts to every one in this circle. She went after his AP. 2 years post divorce she is still making his life hell. She has now sabotaged 2 of his relationships post divorce by using their kids and by going to his place and making a scene over made up stuff just to scare his girlfriends and it works. He finally filed a police report but it went nowhere. He is now going after her for parental alienation and his lawyer is telling him that may not go anywhere either..she comes from wealth and using her family money for lawyers etc to make his life hell...The man is stressed and drinking a lot

I think the mistake was maybe marrying a lunatic?

Sometimes there would never be a lunatic until someone lights the match. Another reason why its so effed up to get tangled up in other people's relationships/marriages.

No. Cheating is bad but some of you make it into murder. Just like the cheater is responsible for his bad behavior, so is the betrayed spouse. If you act like a lunatic after cheating, all people are going to think is that they understand why your husband cheated.

Never mind the fact that stable, healthy people just don’t react this way. They try to move on.

+1000000

Unfortunately from some of the responses on this site it’s obvious the scorned DW or ex DW has a screw loose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

DP. Remember the heartache when you were younger and a BF or GF and you broke up? It’s like that but you can’t talk about it with anyone.

Occasionally I experience something I want to tell my AP. I remember conversations we had and moments we shared. We had a sexual connection that was quite something. But I’ll never get to see him again or even talk to him.

But the relationship was immoral and wrong. I’m ashamed of what I did and if I could relive my life, I would have never had an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

+100000. When I found out about my wife's affair I filed for divorce the next day and never spoke to her again. All our communications were through lawyers. I find men who fake cheating wives odd to be honest..the sort of betrayal and "how dare you" that we feel when we get cheated on is deep.

Women are really forgiving. But I also heard some wounded women are ruthless as well.

You better f*n believe it. "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned."

DH knows if he cheats, hell will rain down on him. Plus, his father cheated on his mother a few times, and he saw the devastation this caused. Both his parents passed away, and DH and his siblings still talk about those affairs and don't view their father favorably.

A friend of mine cheated on his wife. Big mistake. The divorce proceeding was rough and costly. she aired his trysts to every one in this circle. She went after his AP. 2 years post divorce she is still making his life hell. She has now sabotaged 2 of his relationships post divorce by using their kids and by going to his place and making a scene over made up stuff just to scare his girlfriends and it works. He finally filed a police report but it went nowhere. He is now going after her for parental alienation and his lawyer is telling him that may not go anywhere either..she comes from wealth and using her family money for lawyers etc to make his life hell...The man is stressed and drinking a lot

I think the mistake was maybe marrying a lunatic?

Sometimes there would never be a lunatic until someone lights the match. Another reason why its so effed up to get tangled up in other people's relationships/marriages.

No. Cheating is bad but some of you make it into murder. Just like the cheater is responsible for his bad behavior, so is the betrayed spouse. If you act like a lunatic after cheating, all people are going to think is that they understand why your husband cheated.

Never mind the fact that stable, healthy people just don’t react this way. They try to move on.

Cheating is worse than murder. Murdered people are dead. They don't have to deal with the psychological fallout of that kind of violence. The family/friends/relatives of a murdered person receive compassion and support. Y'all talk about cheating like it's something that happens every Tuesday. No compassion, no support for the cheated-on party.

And then some dipshit PP dared to say the cheated-on spouse was equally responsible?! Go fsck your entire self twice, PP. The cheated-on party is NOT responsible for the decisionmaking of another adult.

And while acting "like a lunatic" may seem over the top, you wouldn't think twice if you saw someone's widow acting that way. Why is it so drastically different when a cheating spouse murders a marriage and the surviving spouse has to learn how to cope with the aftermath?

The way people justify and excuse cheating on this forum is disgusting. But then I look at how you indulge and excuse alcohol and the pp's point about addiction tracks completely.

I am sorry but you are unstable and unhinged. You sound like a lunatic.

[Anonymous]

She caught feelings for me and wanted more than I could give. It became more headache than it was worth. It was no longer fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

DP. Remember the heartache when you were younger and a BF or GF and you broke up? It’s like that but you can’t talk about it with anyone.

Occasionally I experience something I want to tell my AP. I remember conversations we had and moments we shared. We had a sexual connection that was quite something. But I’ll never get to see him again or even talk to him.

But the relationship was immoral and wrong. I’m ashamed of what I did and if I could relive my life, I would have never had an affair.

So did your spouse and kids find out about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She caught feelings for me and wanted more than I could give. It became more headache than it was worth. It was no longer fun.

Same - we agreed it would be absolutely no-strings, nothing more at the get-go. I was very clear. She tried to change the script. I had no feelings that way

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

DP. Remember the heartache when you were younger and a BF or GF and you broke up? It’s like that but you can’t talk about it with anyone.

Occasionally I experience something I want to tell my AP. I remember conversations we had and moments we shared. We had a sexual connection that was quite something. But I’ll never get to see him again or even talk to him.

But the relationship was immoral and wrong. I’m ashamed of what I did and if I could relive my life, I would have never had an affair.

So why did it end?

[Anonymous]

I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

[Anonymous]

I just got bored of him. Nice guy and was fun at the time. He tried to keep it going and that is when I went no contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you. [/quote

Loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

+100000. When I found out about my wife's affair I filed for divorce the next day and never spoke to her again. All our communications were through lawyers. I find men who fake cheating wives odd to be honest..the sort of betrayal and "how dare you" that we feel when we get cheated on is deep.

Women are really forgiving. But I also heard some wounded women are ruthless as well.

You better f*n believe it. "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned."

DH knows if he cheats, hell will rain down on him. Plus, his father cheated on his mother a few times, and he saw the devastation this caused. Both his parents passed away, and DH and his siblings still talk about those affairs and don't view their father favorably.

A friend of mine cheated on his wife. Big mistake. The divorce proceeding was rough and costly. she aired his trysts to every one in this circle. She went after his AP. 2 years post divorce she is still making his life hell. She has now sabotaged 2 of his relationships post divorce by using their kids and by going to his place and making a scene over made up stuff just to scare his girlfriends and it works. He finally filed a police report but it went nowhere. He is now going after her for parental alienation and his lawyer is telling him that may not go anywhere either..she comes from wealth and using her family money for lawyers etc to make his life hell...The man is stressed and drinking a lot

I think the mistake was maybe marrying a lunatic?

Sometimes there would never be a lunatic until someone lights the match. Another reason why its so effed up to get tangled up in other people's relationships/marriages.

No. Cheating is bad but some of you make it into murder. Just like the cheater is responsible for his bad behavior, so is the betrayed spouse. If you act like a lunatic after cheating, all people are going to think is that they understand why your husband cheated.

Never mind the fact that stable, healthy people just don’t react this way. They try to move on.

Cheating is worse than murder. Murdered people are dead. They don't have to deal with the psychological fallout of that kind of violence. The family/friends/relatives of a murdered person receive compassion and support. Y'all talk about cheating like it's something that happens every Tuesday. No compassion, no support for the cheated-on party.

And then some dipshit PP dared to say the cheated-on spouse was equally responsible?! Go fsck your entire self twice, PP. The cheated-on party is NOT responsible for the decisionmaking of another adult.

And while acting "like a lunatic" may seem over the top, you wouldn't think twice if you saw someone's widow acting that way. Why is it so drastically different when a cheating spouse murders a marriage and the surviving spouse has to learn how to cope with the aftermath?

The way people justify and excuse cheating on this forum is disgusting. But then I look at how you indulge and excuse alcohol and the pp's point about addiction tracks completely.

Yeah no.
If DH cheats on me, I will be crushed off course but I will move on. Definitely would rather not be dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was married and told me one night she was going to leave him and the kids. I didn't want to F her anymore...

That sounds about right.

So clearly representative of men's pathology when it comes to cheating. Men don't cheat for love, they cheat to avoid responsibility. If he could handle relating to other humans like a decent human being, he would've left his spouse. Clearly, all he wanted was an escape.

Some of y'all use people like some folks use drugs and it's gross.

You're crazy if you think only men do this. When I was with my AP, it was the only relief I ever had from my real life, my SN kids, my distant and cold DH, my never-ending responsibilities. Women need the break more than men do...

"I need the break" - every addict ever re: their addiction of choice

And reading between the lines, it seems like you think addicts and POS who don't deserve to be treated like humans. Sorry for whatever happened to you, but you don't sound like a reasonable human being as your post is dripping with contempt, blanket judgment and hate.

You sound like a cheater trying to justify your actions. Cheaters are selfish, undisciplined animals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Badly. Looking back it was a huge mistake. I regret it a lot.

I count mine as the single biggest regret of my life. If I could go back in time I never would have done it.

Same…

How long did this ‘regret affair’ last? And why? Do you truly feel bad for the people you hurt or just they you got caught and suffered repercussions from that?

Truly want to know.

DP. Remember the heartache when you were younger and a BF or GF and you broke up? It’s like that but you can’t talk about it with anyone.

Occasionally I experience something I want to tell my AP. I remember conversations we had and moments we shared. We had a sexual connection that was quite something. But I’ll never get to see him again or even talk to him.

But the relationship was immoral and wrong. I’m ashamed of what I did and if I could relive my life, I would have never had an affair.

So did your spouse and kids find out about this?

I’m curious too. Or is the husband still in the dark?