How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Discovered I was not the only AP. She was taking other men in her place to be with. All went down hill after. Sad part is that I was falling for her, believed she loved me. Can’t recover.

This is hilarious. The woman you were cheating on your wife with was cheating on you with others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

Yes. It is.0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

Yes. It is.0

No, it is not. Only in some cases it is like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Discovered I was not the only AP. She was taking other men in her place to be with. All went down hill after. Sad part is that I was falling for her, believed she loved me. Can’t recover.

This is hilarious. The woman you were cheating on your wife with was cheating on you with others?

That how it usually goes.The APs think they are the only ones.Once that gate opens it OPENS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

Yes. It is.0

No, it is not. Only in some cases it is like that.

DP. Most not some. The thing is they need to work on it or leave. Not cheat like creeping low lifes. So much damage to families I’ve seen happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

Yes. It is.0

No, it is not that simple.
It takes 2 for a relationship to fail.
While resorting to cheating as a coping mechanism can be questioned as sound decision-making, the cheated on spouse is rarely completely blameless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

Yes. It is.0

No, it is not that simple.
It takes 2 for a relationship to fail.
While resorting to cheating as a coping mechanism can be questioned as sound decision-making, the cheated on spouse is rarely completely blameless.

This. It is often a major breakdown of a marriage already and divorce is bad financially. It is not a simple as just leaving, and there are far worse things that can happen other than cheating in a marriage.

Sure, occasionally there’s a selfish sex at a narcissist, but that’s not the majority of cheating cases at all. It is a symptom of a larger issue and divorce may not be feasible (at least for awhile) for Financial reasons, health reasons, childcare reasons, geographic reasons, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband's affair ended when I married him, I suppose.

And yes, he had at least one affair after we married and I have caught him several times having boundary-pushing conversations via email, text, and FB.

Ha ha, joke's on me!

I was emotionally immature when I met him and believed his stories about his wife. I know, I'm trash and I'm paying for it.

Eww, you married him, even after you knew he was lying to you about his wife and cheating on her?

Ever hear of expressions like:

"If he'll do it WITH you, he'll do it TO you"?

"The way you got him is the way you'll lose him"??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It ran its course and he suggested we go our own ways. It was an affair/friendship of over 20 years and was heartbreaking. I will miss him every day for the rest of my life but I also recognize it was time to finally move on.
Biggest regret of my life.

What was the biggest regret of your life?

Being with him or losing him?

I'm not judging you, I'm just asking.

If he didn't break it off with you, would you have ever broken it off with him?

Did your husband ever find out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sex was great, she falled in love.

She falled in love?? What?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

It really is, though. All cheaters are low-integrity, intellectually lazy, morally-bankrupt people. The rest is just a set of lies you tell to try to justify your nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I left my xH for my AP. I’m still with AP, but overall I’m just as unhappy as I was with xH.

One thing I learned is that no matter who you are with, there will be problems. There is no perfect person where everything will be perfect with them. You just trade one set of problems for another.

Same with the benefits. There are tradeoffs. xH was far more financially stable and had more financial prospects. AP (current H) is sexier and easier to get him to do what I want. Neither really make me happy. I’ve learned that happiness has to come from within you.

I did not leave H for AP but I completely agree with this.

Yup. My mom stayed with her AP and he has an entirely different set of problems than my dad does, but overall no less severe. So she's still just as unhappy and it's way less convenient for everyone else. In particular, his financial problems, might seem like not a big deal in your 40s but it sure is a very big deal in your 80s.

This is why it is known: cheating is about what’s wrong inside an individual. The marriage, the spouse, etc have zero to do with it. Cheaters will continue to blame everyone else for their unhappiness and change relationships, houses, move, etc…but they are still the same miserable individuals on the inside. Rotten in their core.

It is really not that simple.

Yes. It is.0

No, it is not that simple.
It takes 2 for a relationship to fail.
While resorting to cheating as a coping mechanism can be questioned as sound decision-making, the cheated on spouse is rarely completely blameless.

This. It is often a major breakdown of a marriage already and divorce is bad financially. It is not a simple as just leaving, and there are far worse things that can happen other than cheating in a marriage.

Sure, occasionally there’s a selfish sex at a narcissist, but that’s not the majority of cheating cases at all. It is a symptom of a larger issue and divorce may not be feasible (at least for awhile) for Financial reasons, health reasons, childcare reasons, geographic reasons, etc.

Nope. Still cowardice. If there's "a major breakdown of a marriage already" you open the marriage or divorce. You have a simple conversation, like an adult.

All cheating is selfish, self-centering theft. It's a symptom of massive character defects and morally-bankrupt behavior on the part of the cheater, and only the cheater. You can't be responsible for something you don't know about or consent to. So while the cheated-on party may be partially responsible for whatever conflict exists in the marriage, responsibility for the decision to avoid resolving that conflict by cheating rests on the cheater alone.

Of course, being a low-integrity POS person, they'll blameshift. But it's still 100% on them.

[Anonymous]

When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a person cheats, it is primarily their fault. however If you became fat or were not having sex with your spouse or had a nasty attitude, then you are partly responsible for the cheating

Only a total POS would use this non-logic. If you're not being treated well, or your needs/wants aren't being met, or you think you simply want more, LEAVE.

The decision to cheat instead of leaving isn't justified by your feelings, no matter how unhappy you claim to be. Your partner isn't responsible for your happiness, you are. And if you choose to pursue your "happiness" in some strange, instead of prioritizing your integrity and being honest with your so-called partner, that is a statement about YOU and you alone.