How did your affair end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

+100000. When I found out about my wife's affair I filed for divorce the next day and never spoke to her again. All our communications were through lawyers. I find men who fake cheating wives odd to be honest..the sort of betrayal and "how dare you" that we feel when we get cheated on is deep.

Women are really forgiving. But I also heard some wounded women are ruthless as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

Oh I do beg to differ. Signed, woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

Oh I do beg to differ. Signed, woman.

So do you use man for sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are little more than large children themselves.

This is dramatic and very black/white thinking. There are plenty of women who don’t take their marriage seriously and who use men.

I know in your mind every cheating woman ends up divorced and lonely while the male AP is living his best life post affair, but that’s not reality. That’s just what you want to happen because you’re angry.

I'm only reporting what I see on this board. Men behave poorly, women forgive them or make do, and women have far less leeway to so much as gain weight. My own circle is sort of a less dramatic variation of this as no one I know has ever admitted to cheating, but it's very similar. Seemingly everyone is struggling with a lazy/immature/ASD/ADHD/angry/cheating husband.

It’s simply a resources difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are little more than large children themselves.

This is dramatic and very black/white thinking. There are plenty of women who don’t take their marriage seriously and who use men.

I know in your mind every cheating woman ends up divorced and lonely while the male AP is living his best life post affair, but that’s not reality. That’s just what you want to happen because you’re angry.

I'm only reporting what I see on this board. Men behave poorly, women forgive them or make do, and women have far less leeway to so much as gain weight. My own circle is sort of a less dramatic variation of this as no one I know has ever admitted to cheating, but it's very similar. Seemingly everyone is struggling with a lazy/immature/ASD/ADHD/angry/cheating husband.

It's not just this board. This is the ongoing impact of male privilege in general. While women can now have jobs, bank accounts, credit in our own names, etc., the culture hasn't shifted to actual equality. Women are still in a position of belonging to men, or even needing men, in most metrics. While men can just pick up and leave, it's women who carry the burdens of the family, and we do so with less economic stability/security, even if we're educated and have established ourselves in a career.

So men can "get away" with being all kinds of dysfunctional and even outright awful to their wives, because our culture allows them to just up and leave, find a new woman, and restart. Women are seen as having "baggage", especially if they're still responsible for raising an absent man's kids.

Your grandma didn't stay with your grandpa because he was a great dude. She stayed because she didn't have a choice. While it's gotten better, it's still not equal. Women put up with a LOT that we wouldn't, if there were equal opportunities for us to maintain our status alone or with a new partner.

[Anonymous]

He moved away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He moved away.

And then you jumped to another affair?

[Anonymous]

I got tired of f'ing her.

[Anonymous]

Sex was great, she falled in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are little more than large children themselves.

This is dramatic and very black/white thinking. There are plenty of women who don’t take their marriage seriously and who use men.

I know in your mind every cheating woman ends up divorced and lonely while the male AP is living his best life post affair, but that’s not reality. That’s just what you want to happen because you’re angry.

I'm only reporting what I see on this board. Men behave poorly, women forgive them or make do, and women have far less leeway to so much as gain weight. My own circle is sort of a less dramatic variation of this as no one I know has ever admitted to cheating, but it's very similar. Seemingly everyone is struggling with a lazy/immature/ASD/ADHD/angry/cheating husband.

It's not just this board. This is the ongoing impact of male privilege in general. While women can now have jobs, bank accounts, credit in our own names, etc., the culture hasn't shifted to actual equality. Women are still in a position of belonging to men, or even needing men, in most metrics. While men can just pick up and leave, it's women who carry the burdens of the family, and we do so with less economic stability/security, even if we're educated and have established ourselves in a career.

So men can "get away" with being all kinds of dysfunctional and even outright awful to their wives, because our culture allows them to just up and leave, find a new woman, and restart. Women are seen as having "baggage", especially if they're still responsible for raising an absent man's kids.

Your grandma didn't stay with your grandpa because he was a great dude. She stayed because she didn't have a choice. While it's gotten better, it's still not equal. Women put up with a LOT that we wouldn't, if there were equal opportunities for us to maintain our status alone or with a new partner.

Which is why a SAHM involved in an affair is about the dumbest and riskiest move out there. Everything is at stake, for what? Getting your rocks off with some rando. Men come out of these things just fine. Middle-aged women with no job for 20 years and no retirement of their own...they end up SOL,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are little more than large children themselves.

This is dramatic and very black/white thinking. There are plenty of women who don’t take their marriage seriously and who use men.

I know in your mind every cheating woman ends up divorced and lonely while the male AP is living his best life post affair, but that’s not reality. That’s just what you want to happen because you’re angry.

I'm only reporting what I see on this board. Men behave poorly, women forgive them or make do, and women have far less leeway to so much as gain weight. My own circle is sort of a less dramatic variation of this as no one I know has ever admitted to cheating, but it's very similar. Seemingly everyone is struggling with a lazy/immature/ASD/ADHD/angry/cheating husband.

It's not just this board. This is the ongoing impact of male privilege in general. While women can now have jobs, bank accounts, credit in our own names, etc., the culture hasn't shifted to actual equality. Women are still in a position of belonging to men, or even needing men, in most metrics. While men can just pick up and leave, it's women who carry the burdens of the family, and we do so with less economic stability/security, even if we're educated and have established ourselves in a career.

So men can "get away" with being all kinds of dysfunctional and even outright awful to their wives, because our culture allows them to just up and leave, find a new woman, and restart. Women are seen as having "baggage", especially if they're still responsible for raising an absent man's kids.

Your grandma didn't stay with your grandpa because he was a great dude. She stayed because she didn't have a choice. While it's gotten better, it's still not equal. Women put up with a LOT that we wouldn't, if there were equal opportunities for us to maintain our status alone or with a new partner.

Which is why a SAHM involved in an affair is about the dumbest and riskiest move out there. Everything is at stake, for what? Getting your rocks off with some rando. Men come out of these things just fine. Middle-aged women with no job for 20 years and no retirement of their own...they end up SOL,

If only men didn't chronically exploit women, yeah? Wouldn't THAT be a world...

But you get the guy who married her, who was probably always an abusive POS, and definitely "turned into" one. And then you get the guy(s) who just wanted to use/abuse her on someone else's watch, none of whom were actually there to love her, just treat her like a pump and dump.

And I'm sure this board will blame HER for not keeping an aspirin between her knees and just enduring her husband's abuse in silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

You as an individual are unknown to me. You as a construct made my whole life hell (unless you're actually That Guy, in which case, you can GFY)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

You as an individual are unknown to me. You as a construct made my whole life hell (unless you're actually That Guy, in which case, you can GFY)

DP. YOU made your own life hell. You should have never taken up with a married man. Period. Hard stop.

Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got really sick of AP. I came out of midlife depression, worked on my own issues with a therapist. I got much happier in my own marriage and leaned in. It got to the point I couldn’t figure out how to extract myself from a messy situation with someone that kept clinging. I let it get too far for too long and should have pulled the string much much sooner. It ended pretty ugly.

So you blamed your AP for how shite you were as a human, and "got happier in your marriage" (aka invested the time you should've spent there in the first place, instead of being a philandering ass).

You are not healed. You're in remission, at best. Probably more in denial. You'll cheat again, because you haven't cleaned up your mess; you just blamed it on AP.

I guess you missed the individual therapy. Yes- I take full responsibility for myself. Not sure why you are angry at a stranger telling their truth.

Did this full responsibility include telling your spouse?

Yes. Full confession…everything. No sugar coating. I answered every question honestly even though I knew it could signal the end —which it did for awhile.

I feel sorry for your clingy AP, who was probably a dumb and vulnerable woman who made you feel good about yourself for awhile. Once it no longer felt good, you dumped her like trash. Your post reveals that as your "truth." Women are only tools to make you feel however you want to feel in any particular moment. Once they are no longer making you feel good, you treat them like trash. I doubt you recovered. Your poor wife.

This goes both ways. Most people seek a relationship or marriage to feel good.

If you read a lot of these posts, there are virtually no women whose husbands forgive them, while women are out here destroying themselves emotionally coping with rebuilding a marriage after an affair. I'm sure there ARE men who can get past an affair, but not many.

Whereas women seem to take that commitment to their marriage far more seriously. Men aren't tools to us, most of these men are more than large children themselves.

+100000. When I found out about my wife's affair I filed for divorce the next day and never spoke to her again. All our communications were through lawyers. I find men who fake cheating wives odd to be honest..the sort of betrayal and "how dare you" that we feel when we get cheated on is deep.

Women are really forgiving. But I also heard some wounded women are ruthless as well.

You better f*n believe it. "Hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned."

DH knows if he cheats, hell will rain down on him. Plus, his father cheated on his mother a few times, and he saw the devastation this caused. Both his parents passed away, and DH and his siblings still talk about those affairs and don't view their father favorably.

[Anonymous]

He started to come when it suited him, and almost never when it suited me. I cut him it off as I have other options.
I didn't like him, but I liked the sex and how he made me feel. Once he took that away, we had nothing.
Before you feel bad for the wife, she has her own new man, and they are married only for green card.