Who is unreasonable here: Friend A or Friend B?

[Anonymous]

I entirely sympathize with your feelings of exploitation, OP, but I also feel that you don't make good financial choices in life and that you could perhaps choose your friends more wisely. You're not limited to American expats, you know. As it is, you have to let this thing go. The only person you're hurting right now is yourself. Think about something else, and next time try to find better friends!

- foreigner who has lived in many countries.

[Anonymous]

Maybe this is then more about you—what’s niggling at you re your boundaries and how she managed to push them. If tables were turned you would have offered some amount for the treadmill. In any event, look forward and congrats on your move… later decide if you want her in your life. She sounds self absorbed.

[Anonymous]

I find it weird that you keep saying in a passive way that the friendship is over. As if you have no part in what is happening

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you had an alternative buyer, that would be a different situation. You don’t. The options are give it to a stranger or give it to one of your best friends. Seems like a really obvious answer to me.

As for your friend, maybe her spending habits have gotten her in trouble and she needs to cut back. I’d accept what she told you about her financial status.

Good luck with the move!

This.

[Anonymous]

What are the odds that you and her are from the same hometown yet in a S Asian city at the same time?

[Anonymous]

She’s a user and you need to slow fade her out of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask her to trade you a purse. Those are portable and you can sell them.

This is not going to happen. At this point, B is expecting g this for free, so losing a purse will seem like a big deal.

Also, trading a bag doesn’t fit with her equestrian finance SAHM image. She’ll see it as a loss of face.

[Anonymous]

Your options were let her have it for free, or pay someone to haul it away. It's not her fault that your buyer backed out. I don't think you can blame her for this.

She sounds obnoxious, and you can blame her for being obnoxious, but all that stuff about her being a SAHM and having Range Rovers and whatnot has nothing to do with the choice you made at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

Once friend B wasn't willing to pay your price, I would have ended all conversations about the treadmill with her.

Unfortunately you continued to engage with her and agreed to let her get her way. You didn't have to do that.

I would've cut off all treadmill conversations with her as soon as I realized she was trying to take advantage of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, ignore the people who are mad about you buying the treadmill. That's beside the point.

I want to really break down your friend's behavior here, to understand what about it is problematic.

It is fine she asked for the treadmill for free. She didn't know your precise situation. It never hurts to ask.

But you said no, you needed to sell it, because the money was important for your move. She heard this, right? You said "no, I can't give it to you, I need the money," right?

And then she proceeded to ignore your "no" and plead and harass you about it for months. THIS is the problematic behavior. Not her wanting the treadmill for free. Who cares what her finances are. Who cares what your finances are. The point is that she asked, you said no, she refused to accept that.

And then when your buyer backed out, was she empathetic? Did she care how this would impact you negatively? Was she even apologetic when she "offered" again to take it for free? I sense no. She was victorious. She got what she wanted.

Ignore the financial factors here. They feel important but they are not. I have seen a friendship play out like this even when the pair have the same finances.

She is not merely a user or an opportunity. She is aggressive. She does not see you as a person in the same way she thinks of herself as a person. You are a resource from which she can extract what she wants-- companionship, stuff. She will never treat you as an equal. She does not respect you or care for you.

Move on. People like this just cause strife over and over. You will never get out of this relationship what you put in.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her you found a different buyer.

And toss it in the trash, or leave a "for free" sign on it when you leave.

But NO WAY would I give it to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know that if she doesn't take my treadmill for free, the alternative is to just leave it in the apartment when I go for a stranger to have, but I honestly would feel better about that.

DO THIS, OP!!

The stranger who finds it will be thrilled to ave it and presumably you'll find more peace making that stranger happy than your user friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell her you found a different buyer.

And toss it in the trash, or leave a "for free" sign on it when you leave.

But NO WAY would I give it to her.

Same. It’d be a cold day in hell before B got my treadmill. F@ck no.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a M Night Shyamalan quality twist when it was discovered that the author actually was Friend A!!!

[Anonymous]

I'd tell her I found a buyer and not to come. In actuality, I'd leave it or give it away for free and would have no ill will to her as long as she had no ill will toward you. If she gets stank, you know who she really is- no loss to lose the friendship.