Why is DD being excluded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum are going to be able to tell you, with the scant details you've provided which are incredibly subjective, are going to be able to tell you in a meaningful way why your daughter doesn't have friends?

Are you okay? Are you seeking a therapist yet? If not, do so expeditiously.

Geez. I’m just wondering if this is normal, and wondering if anyone knows what motives kids could have to target a normal, average kid. Get a grip.

You know it's not "normal" for a child to have no friends and be "avoided like the plague" by other kids. There's something wrong here and likely you're a part of it given your clear obtuseness.

:hunf: You sound weirdly angry. NP.

No they didn't. NP

Yes, she did.

[Anonymous]

Is she at a smaller private school OP? If so, there is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"she’s not autistic or special needs"

Wow aren't you a peach?

NP but seriously??? Are you saying that teens/tweens you know regularly go out of their way to include the special needs/autistic kids in their friend group?
You’ve never observed that teens are not incredibly inclusive of special needs/autistic kids?? I don’t mean “oh my kid is always nice to everyone” kind of inclusive.
I mean I find it hard to believe that it is a shock that anyone would observe that special needs kids are often excluded from groups of teens.
I don’t think OP was trying to be mean. She was trying to point out that there was not an obvious “typical teen” reason to point ti for why her kid wasn’t fitting in or was an outlier in “the group”

NP. She still could have taken an extra 10 seconds to point it out in a less othering type of way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your daughter may be the kind of kid who flies under the radar. I have one like this. It takes a lot of time and patience. Does she have any activities at school? Maybe next year, she could try one or two different ones. I'm sorry ... I know it is hard.

+1

I’m sorry, OP. Finding your people can be so hard. Can you expand her group a bit through after school / weekend activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Is she trying to be friends with the wrong people and taking it all to heart thinking nobody likes her at all? I see this sometimes.

She is pretty picky with her friend group, but she generally tries to be nice to everyone…

Could this be her problem OP? She's 17 and she has a fair weather group of friends. If she's picky, does this mean she's overly investing in her current group and not trying to branch out?

Friend groups continue to form and change through 12th grade.

Maybe my question made it seem like she has a friend group. She doesn’t- she does not have a single friend or acquaintance. I’m pretty sure she goes most days without speaking to a person.

Ok thanks OP. Your answers are all over the place. She's targeted. She's just ignored. She's picky about her friend group. She has no friends. Are you a real person? If so, time for some real specifics. If not, I'm out of this thread.

Sorry if I haven’t been clear.

She does not have friends. She is left out of parties, invitations, etc, even when her whole class is invited (small private school). She is left out of group projects, etc. I said she was “picky” because she doesn’t like the kids in her class.

So ... she doesn't like the kids in her class, but comes home crying because they don't want to talk to her? I don't want to talk to people who don't like me either. Mystery solved.

+1

It's really that simple.

Heck, the other kids probably think "boy, she really doesn't like me"

Why would they include if her she's not friendly to them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a super small school and she only has 1 teacher? That is a recipe for disaster for a kid with social challenges. She’s been typecast at some point and if the school is really that small that there is only 1 teacher and no advisor, I don’t see any way to salvage this. FWIW, when we were choosing between living in Falls Church City and Arlington, the small size of FCC was something a family we know with older kids brought up. It’s so small that if your kid is labeled a trouble maker or a weirdo, it’s hard to recover.

You also say she’s picky about her friend group but what you meant was she doesn’t like anyone in her class. Why then do you think these peers she clearly distains should be kind and welcoming to her? She probably has several years of both overly and subtly signaling that she doesn’t like them. Why would they suddenly include her?

Why exactly are you staying at this school?

Small schools are a social minefield.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she at a smaller private school OP? If so, there is your answer.

Yep. 90%+ of the social problem questions in this thread are from small private schools

[Anonymous]

I have a kid who is going to start high school and has these issues. Another who will start college. As a family we don't seem to know how to be cool. For transition years obviously its not going to happen at the previous school but how do you learn to be cooler for the next stage of life? My kids didlike the social media tik tok stuff. And all the constant texting. Its been hard to get them to connect to others this way. They have acquaintances but not weekend friends. What do you recommend to help them fit in? Just more texting? Summer camp? A job? How do you learn more confidence and how to fit in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a kid who is going to start high school and has these issues. Another who will start college. As a family we don't seem to know how to be cool. For transition years obviously its not going to happen at the previous school but how do you learn to be cooler for the next stage of life? My kids didlike the social media tik tok stuff. And all the constant texting. Its been hard to get them to connect to others this way. They have acquaintances but not weekend friends. What do you recommend to help them fit in? Just more texting? Summer camp? A job? How do you learn more confidence and how to fit in?

Please, tell me you’re being sarcastic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

It's not that people are "blaming the kid being excluded."

It's more that we say, there is no need to blame ANYONE because nothing wrong was actually done.

Kids are not required to be friends with everyone. They are expected to be respectful and kind, but there is no obligation to be everyone's friend.

But when posters say something to that effect, its interpreted as "defending a bully" or "blaming the victim." And that's wrong. What we're trying to say is that there is no victim here at all.