Why is DD being excluded?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"she’s not autistic or special needs"

Wow aren't you a peach?

NP but seriously??? Are you saying that teens/tweens you know regularly go out of their way to include the special needs/autistic kids in their friend group?
You’ve never observed that teens are not incredibly inclusive of special needs/autistic kids?? I don’t mean “oh my kid is always nice to everyone” kind of inclusive.
I mean I find it hard to believe that it is a shock that anyone would observe that special needs kids are often excluded from groups of teens.
I don’t think OP was trying to be mean. She was trying to point out that there was not an obvious “typical teen” reason to point ti for why her kid wasn’t fitting in or was an outlier in “the group”

NP. She still could have taken an extra 10 seconds to point it out in a less othering type of way.

So my quirky son has a friend group of a kid with ADHD, another with high functioning autism, and seemingly NT, but quirky kids. They hang out, go to Homecoming, walk to the store, have a group text, etc. I have a younger son who is special needs and is Mr. Popularity. Sure, that could change, but SN in no way means exclusion these days.

[Anonymous]

OP - it’s painful to see our kid struggle.

Been there.

I imagine your daughter will have lonely stretch of year and find her people later.

I’m sorry - that’s not helpful. I just want you to know while it sucks right now ut won’t always be this way.

But I know - we want our kids to thrive and be happy now. Enjoy their teen years.

Sorry so not helpful. Just empathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

It's not that people are "blaming the kid being excluded."

It's more that we say, there is no need to blame ANYONE because nothing wrong was actually done.

Kids are not required to be friends with everyone. They are expected to be respectful and kind, but there is no obligation to be everyone's friend.

But when posters say something to that effect, its interpreted as "defending a bully" or "blaming the victim." And that's wrong. What we're trying to say is that there is no victim here at all.

Come on. No one is saying kids have to be friends with everyone. The whole point is that people come on here with cases where people are NOT being respectful and kind. Middle school in particular is full of purposeful exclusion. Kids can be quite manipulative and mean at that age. So you have a "victim" who is hurt and the kids doing the hurting are doing it on purpose. And then PPs DO come on here and intimate that if a kid is being excluded, it's their own fault.

[Anonymous]

Is your child in any sports or activities? Are you religious?

I have a friend who has a daughter with no friends. She has two other kids who both have many friends. The friendless child is very quiet and shy, has anxiety and that social awkwardness comes off as unfriendly. The girl is older than my daughter and I know when we have hung out with them, I felt my daughter was bothering her and she wanted to be left alone. I didn’t know she was friendless.

I have 3 social kids. My teens are boys who play a lot of sports. My quiet high school teen has met friends in sports. Seeing one another daily creates familiarity. Both boys still have friends from elementary and as they get older, new kids get addded to the group. These are boys they were in the same class with in elementary who we did scouts and various sports throughout the years.

I would encourage your daughter to join clubs.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I was a shy kid. I moved a few times in high school. I guess I was attractive as I got attention from boys and I started making guy friends. I’m not saying your daughter should start dating but a little make up and flattering clothing could give her more confidence and attention from both females and males.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

It's not that people are "blaming the kid being excluded."

It's more that we say, there is no need to blame ANYONE because nothing wrong was actually done.

Kids are not required to be friends with everyone. They are expected to be respectful and kind, but there is no obligation to be everyone's friend.

But when posters say something to that effect, its interpreted as "defending a bully" or "blaming the victim." And that's wrong. What we're trying to say is that there is no victim here at all.

Come on. No one is saying kids have to be friends with everyone. The whole point is that people come on here with cases where people are NOT being respectful and kind. Middle school in particular is full of purposeful exclusion. Kids can be quite manipulative and mean at that age. So you have a "victim" who is hurt and the kids doing the hurting are doing it on purpose. And then PPs DO come on here and intimate that if a kid is being excluded, it's their own fault.

Maybe, but I'm not sure that applies in this scenario. OP said herself that her DD doesn't even like the girls that are 'excluding her.' So its almost like she wants the invitation, even though she would decline?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

It's not that people are "blaming the kid being excluded."

It's more that we say, there is no need to blame ANYONE because nothing wrong was actually done.

Kids are not required to be friends with everyone. They are expected to be respectful and kind, but there is no obligation to be everyone's friend.

But when posters say something to that effect, its interpreted as "defending a bully" or "blaming the victim." And that's wrong. What we're trying to say is that there is no victim here at all.

Come on. No one is saying kids have to be friends with everyone. The whole point is that people come on here with cases where people are NOT being respectful and kind. Middle school in particular is full of purposeful exclusion. Kids can be quite manipulative and mean at that age. So you have a "victim" who is hurt and the kids doing the hurting are doing it on purpose. And then PPs DO come on here and intimate that if a kid is being excluded, it's their own fault.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

It's not that people are "blaming the kid being excluded."

It's more that we say, there is no need to blame ANYONE because nothing wrong was actually done.

Kids are not required to be friends with everyone. They are expected to be respectful and kind, but there is no obligation to be everyone's friend.

But when posters say something to that effect, its interpreted as "defending a bully" or "blaming the victim." And that's wrong. What we're trying to say is that there is no victim here at all.

Come on. No one is saying kids have to be friends with everyone. The whole point is that people come on here with cases where people are NOT being respectful and kind. Middle school in particular is full of purposeful exclusion. Kids can be quite manipulative and mean at that age. So you have a "victim" who is hurt and the kids doing the hurting are doing it on purpose. And then PPs DO come on here and intimate that if a kid is being excluded, it's their own fault.

Okay. But OP even says there is no bullying. It's just that DD is not being invited to things.

So what should these other kids do? You admit that kids don't have to be friends with everyone. So what should they do? Literally? Invite her to their hangout. Well, that sounds like we're forcing them to be friends, which is exactly what we just said they don't have to do.

As long as these other kids aren't actively bullying OP's DD, they are doing nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s not smart or dumb, good or bad looking, she’s not autistic or special needs, and she has normal interests. Why is she excluded from everything? Not bullied, but no one talks to her and they avoid her like the plague. She comes home crying every day.

Wow. Did you just say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not smart or dumb, good or bad looking, she’s not autistic or special needs, and she has normal interests. Why is she excluded from everything? Not bullied, but no one talks to her and they avoid her like the plague. She comes home crying every day.

Wow. Did you just say that?

This was already addressed in this thread. OP just mentioned it because otherwise people would ask if that was the reason.

[Anonymous]

She sounds on the irritable side of depressed. Like she doesn’t like anyone in her entire grade, doesn’t like any therapist, doesn’t want to do anything to help herself. It’s a tough situation but most people don’t really want to be friends with someone really negative. Negative teenagers tend to be jealous, upset easily by slights, and will talk poorly about your other friends.

She can either change schools to a large public and hope that environment helps, or wait it out until college. She may have the same issues either way but at 17 she has to help herself.

My vote is summer job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you say she’s not being bullied but more ignored, I suspect she comes across as standoffish and aloof and so looks uncomfortable/doesnt join in or initiate conversations (so then gets marginalized, which makes her more uncomfortable etc etc.) not criticizing her at all, just sharing my guess of the dynamic. She may have social anxiety disorder.

This is my son. I watch him sometimes and he is so so shy, but it comes across as though he is not interested in kids. To afraid to walk up to kids at the bus stop, stares down. Kids say hi but he is seriously to shy to say hi back. Overtime, the just ignore him now. It is sad. I’ve talk to him a lot about this. He also has done therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school is full of toxic bullies like the people on this thread.

Not sure why people are being so aggressive…..

I always find it interesting how many people come on these threads and automatically blame the kid being excluded and are outright insulting and rude to the OP.

Maybe it is not so strange that so many kids are being mean and ostracizing their peers. Their parents are these aggressively nasty PPs!

It's not that people are "blaming the kid being excluded."

It's more that we say, there is no need to blame ANYONE because nothing wrong was actually done.

Kids are not required to be friends with everyone. They are expected to be respectful and kind, but there is no obligation to be everyone's friend.

But when posters say something to that effect, its interpreted as "defending a bully" or "blaming the victim." And that's wrong. What we're trying to say is that there is no victim here at all.

Come on. No one is saying kids have to be friends with everyone. The whole point is that people come on here with cases where people are NOT being respectful and kind. Middle school in particular is full of purposeful exclusion. Kids can be quite manipulative and mean at that age. So you have a "victim" who is hurt and the kids doing the hurting are doing it on purpose. And then PPs DO come on here and intimate that if a kid is being excluded, it's their own fault.

Okay. But OP even says there is no bullying. It's just that DD is not being invited to things.

So what should these other kids do? You admit that kids don't have to be friends with everyone. So what should they do? Literally? Invite her to their hangout. Well, that sounds like we're forcing them to be friends, which is exactly what we just said they don't have to do.

As long as these other kids aren't actively bullying OP's DD, they are doing nothing wrong.

The comments are not directed at giving instructions for the kids here. For the bazillionth time, the comments are directed at the adults (I assume) who are responding to this thread saying mean things about kids who are excluded. And then people like you come back with "what are the kids supposed to do?" That is not what we are talking about here. But since you ask, you know the answer is be kind. That doesn't mean you have to hang out with everyone. Just teach your kids to be polite and kind in their interactions. And maybe don't say mean things about the less socially skilled kids as though they DESERVE to be left out. It adults on this thread are writing these unkind things, I guarantee they are passing these attitudes down to their kids. And the cycle continues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum are going to be able to tell you, with the scant details you've provided which are incredibly subjective, are going to be able to tell you in a meaningful way why your daughter doesn't have friends?

Are you okay? Are you seeking a therapist yet? If not, do so expeditiously.

Np. Wow. Are you seeking a therapist yet? If not, you do so expeditiously. You sound incredibly angry with a stranger's question.

+ 2

Seriously. Hateful right out of the gate. Sorry OP. Ignore this person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum are going to be able to tell you, with the scant details you've provided which are incredibly subjective, are going to be able to tell you in a meaningful way why your daughter doesn't have friends?

Are you okay? Are you seeking a therapist yet? If not, do so expeditiously.

Np. Wow. Are you seeking a therapist yet? If not, you do so expeditiously. You sound incredibly angry with a stranger's question.

+ 2

Seriously. Hateful right out of the gate. Sorry OP. Ignore this person

+3