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Why is DD being excluded?
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Anonymous
| She’s not smart or dumb, good or bad looking, she’s not autistic or special needs, and she has normal interests. Why is she excluded from everything? Not bullied, but no one talks to her and they avoid her like the plague. She comes home crying every day. |
Anonymous
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You think a bunch of strangers on an anonymous forum are going to be able to tell you, with the scant details you've provided which are incredibly subjective, are going to be able to tell you in a meaningful way why your daughter doesn't have friends?
Are you okay? Are you seeking a therapist yet? If not, do so expeditiously. |
Anonymous
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OP, your daughter may be the kind of kid who flies under the radar. I have one like this. It takes a lot of time and patience. Does she have any activities at school? Maybe next year, she could try one or two different ones. I'm sorry ... I know it is hard.
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Anonymous
Geez. I’m just wondering if this is normal, and wondering if anyone knows what motives kids could have to target a normal, average kid. Get a grip. |
Anonymous
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"she’s not autistic or special needs"
Wow aren't you a peach? |
Anonymous
You know it's not "normal" for a child to have no friends and be "avoided like the plague" by other kids. There's something wrong here and likely you're a part of it given your clear obtuseness. |
Anonymous
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This may sound bad, but, does she wear odd clothes? Does she bathe regularly? Anything out of the norm with her hair? There are many things that could put other kids off. The fact is, kids "avoid" other kids because they are perceived to have something odd going on.
If she's just shy and flies below the radar, then that is different. But if she's trying to make friends and no one wants anything to do with her, then something is going on with how she comes off. |
Anonymous
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Okay, people. OP is trying to help. Maybe she is part of the problem and doesn't understand social Qs, and as a result neither does her child.
Whatever the case, she clearly is genuine in her desire to help. |
Anonymous
| My kid is shy and doesn't seem to mind not doing stuff, but I worry. I have to encourage her to do things or to ask someone to do things. I tell her if you never invite, no one will keep inviting you. Is this possible? Is she looking for similar friends and not just trying to get attention from "popular" kids? |
Anonymous
| Since you say she’s not being bullied but more ignored, I suspect she comes across as standoffish and aloof and so looks uncomfortable/doesnt join in or initiate conversations (so then gets marginalized, which makes her more uncomfortable etc etc.) not criticizing her at all, just sharing my guess of the dynamic. She may have social anxiety disorder. |
Anonymous
:hunf: You sound weirdly angry. NP. |
Anonymous
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I would guess it’s anxiety, very high functioning ASD or ADHD or a mix.
Usually, there’s a reason why children naturally exclude others and it’s not always because they are just the mean kids. When other kids aren’t on their wavelength, have different interests, act aloof, or are in their own world (eg only want to talk about a certain subject of interest to them, which may be age-appropriate, but just too much for their friends when they’re ready to move on) …kids pick up or that and it’s normal for them at their emotional development to gravitate toward kids who have more interests like them. |
Anonymous
| Has this been happening since kindergarten or is it only in junior high or high school that this has happened. Makes a big difference. |
Anonymous
| Ask teacher and school counselor for help and her/his observation about your DD, then you may have better idea what to do next. |
Anonymous
| We are having similar issues OP. DD is in 7th but it started in 5th. It’s awful and heartbreaking. |