Invitations haven't been sent yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

That sounds to me like there may not be a wedding at all. Like maybe they did pick a date but one of them has cold feet.

NP. +1 to this or maybe they are cutting the guest list and either you won’t be invited or maybe it will be adults only? And they don’t want to share that information with you yet because it’s still up in the air.

I agree her response was obnoxious and understand your vent but am guessing something is behind her response.

It's possible, but I would have appreciated just a simple "date isn't set yet" or "I don't know" the response I got is confusing and sounds either like I'm not invited or their trying to not inform me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I got that response I’d honestly think there was trouble in paradise. It seems like it’s alluding to “nothing is final until the invitations are in the mail.”

I think that's also a totally reasonable thing to think, but my sibling is always very evasive about stuff. So it's par for the course and not likely a reflection on my niece's wedding (she's been with this guy for almost 10 years).

Eh, been with a guy for almost 10 years would make me think less confidently about their relationship. Like what took so long? My cousin dates a guy for 10 years before getting married. Their marriage lasted 18 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

But this is all very strange. You've talked to your parents and other relatives but not your sister or niece? You didn't call to say congrats on the engagement? Ask the details? Are you sure you will even be invited? Something is up either you're not making the cut or the engagement is on the rocks and might not happen. But no, you aren't an effective communicator at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say to your sister or niece or the aunt/uncle who are hosting the wedding again: what is the wedding date? Simple easy. If they don’t tell you and you therefore can’t get tickets and tickets wind up being too expensive if you wait til closer to get them then just…don’t go.

There is a date, I have it. I don't particularly want to involve my Aunt / Uncle in the drama because they already have low opinions of my sibling. In fact I have explicit instructions that when they die (they are childless) I am not to allow my sibling to attempt to pilfer their estate and to allow other family members to pick items of value that they want first.

If you know the date why are you asking your sister about the date?

Is it not reasonable if you hear a rumor from other family members to ask a sibling to confirm before booking plane tickets?

What rumor? You didn’t say anything about hearing a rumor.

The rumor is the entire wedding. My sibling didn't tell me or anyone about it. Supposedly the date is set but will not confirm when asked directly about it, so it's still a rumor.

Then your question was rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just look on The Knot. Type in your niece’s name plus her fiancé’s name and you’ll find the date. Haven’t known a young person to not use this website in years.

They have a site but nothing is on it. Literally it's blank.

I think you care more about this wedding than any of them do. Just put it on hold. If the fare changes then send your regrets and a nice gift. I don't think your presence is particularly required here and you know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

You know sometime is not quite right and I think you're the one being a B. Why not call, say congratulations, and tell them how excited and happy you are and hope you can be there in person. Instead of this roundabout way of asking if there actually is a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

But this is all very strange. You've talked to your parents and other relatives but not your sister or niece? You didn't call to say congrats on the engagement? Ask the details? Are you sure you will even be invited? Something is up either you're not making the cut or the engagement is on the rocks and might not happen. But no, you aren't an effective communicator at all.

Neice has been engaged for 2 years so that isn't recent. Like most family, I figured I would hear when a date was set in the form of a save the date or a text / call. But, no, I received no communication at all from neice or sibling about the wedding. Hence my question when I heard about it from my parents who also were told in a very strange way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

You know sometime is not quite right and I think you're the one being a B. Why not call, say congratulations, and tell them how excited and happy you are and hope you can be there in person. Instead of this roundabout way of asking if there actually is a wedding.

That PP is not me, the OP just to be clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

OP, you are being all about you, when in fact it has very little to do with you.

For all you know there is some drama going on with your niece and you sister isn't telling anyone. Bride and groom problems? Who is paying problems? How much it is costing problems? The list is long. And your sister knows if she confirms the date and you buy the tickets and then the plans change or cancelled altogether, you'd be super pissed then too.

You are trying to make this about you when it's not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

But this is all very strange. You've talked to your parents and other relatives but not your sister or niece? You didn't call to say congrats on the engagement? Ask the details? Are you sure you will even be invited? Something is up either you're not making the cut or the engagement is on the rocks and might not happen. But no, you aren't an effective communicator at all.

Neice has been engaged for 2 years so that isn't recent. Like most family, I figured I would hear when a date was set in the form of a save the date or a text / call. But, no, I received no communication at all from neice or sibling about the wedding. Hence my question when I heard about it from my parents who also were told in a very strange way.

So this isn't going to be a traditional wedding with save the dates, a venue booked a year in advance, and all the over the top details. Let me guess, you are loaded and your sister is poor and this is another way you look down on her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

OP, you are being all about you, when in fact it has very little to do with you.

For all you know there is some drama going on with your niece and you sister isn't telling anyone. Bride and groom problems? Who is paying problems? How much it is costing problems? The list is long. And your sister knows if she confirms the date and you buy the tickets and then the plans change or cancelled altogether, you'd be super pissed then too.

You are trying to make this about you when it's not.

Which is completely, absolutely a possibility. All that needs to be said is, "date isn't set yet" that's all I was looking for - can I book tickets or no?