Invitations haven't been sent yet

Anonymous
...this is the response I got from my sister when I asked if X date for my niece's wedding was solid because the flight prices are good.

And I'm so f&ckong pissed. Not once in 20 years, 20! Has my sister or her family flown across the country to see us.

We fly every year to see them and my parents. The last 3 summers tickets are around $1000pp. I would potentially save $2-3K by purchasing now and not waiting for the invitation.

I'm going to reach out to my niece directly but her response is just so WTF.
Anonymous
I don’t understand her response. Is she saying you’re not invited?
Anonymous

You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situation and how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand her response. Is she saying you’re not invited?


I know! It was such a b&tchy comment, but, no, my parents confirmed I was on the list of addresses needed for the invites.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situation and how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?



I said that exactly, hey looking to see if the dates are solid because the flight prices are good.
Anonymous
I'd be annoyed too, OP, and yes, just ask your niece.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand her response. Is she saying you’re not invited?


I know! It was such a b&tchy comment, but, no, my parents confirmed I was on the list of addresses needed for the invites.


Are your parents hosting the wedding?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situation and how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?


Go away.

(Not OP, btw)
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand her response. Is she saying you’re not invited?


I know! It was such a b&tchy comment, but, no, my parents confirmed I was on the list of addresses needed for the invites.


Are your parents hosting the wedding?


No but an Aunt & Uncle are
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situation and how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?



I said that exactly, hey looking to see if the dates are solid because the flight prices are good.


No. You did not explain that you've been tightening your belt and making sacrifices to visit them regularly for years, and that buying tickets to this wedding closer to the date would be a financial burden. Because this is how you've described it to us: that it's a long-festering resentment that your family has not reciprocated your attentions for a long while, and you feel as if you're always the one spending the money and making the effort, so now it's the last straw.

And I'll guess why. It's because it's not a real financial burden, you just like to bean count.
If you have a fit now, you'll be seen as the aunt who likes to draw attention to herself when it's the bride's time to shine.

Anonymous

How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situation and how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?



I said that exactly, hey looking to see if the dates are solid because the flight prices are good.


No. You did not explain that you've been tightening your belt and making sacrifices to visit them regularly for years, and that buying tickets to this wedding closer to the date would be a financial burden. Because this is how you've described it to us: that it's a long-festering resentment that your family has not reciprocated your attentions for a long while, and you feel as if you're always the one spending the money and making the effort, so now it's the last straw.

And I'll guess why. It's because it's not a real financial burden, you just like to bean count.
If you have a fit now, you'll be seen as the aunt who likes to draw attention to herself when it's the bride's time to shine.



Nope, I don't engage in drama. I just replied "understood" and won't be asking again.

They didn't come to my wedding so, yeah, tells you a lot about our lopsided relationship.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?


Responding that they are still deciding on a date or the date isn’t firm yet is less rude then “invitations haven’t been sent yet”.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?



See, but that would have been a valid response to my question. Date isn't set yet. That wasn't the response.

They have the date secured with my Aunt and have addresses to send the invites. But, apparently, I can't get that answer until the mail arrives.
Anonymous

If I was the niece stressed out about wedding planning, and my aunt pressured me into picking a date because she could get cheap flights... it would send my anxiety levels through the roof. And I wouldn't find you very nice.

Unless the proposed date was coming up very shortly, of course. You know what dates they're considering?
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