Invitations haven't been sent yet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know the date, and you plan on going to the wedding, then just buy your airfare.
I’d buy Southwest because it’s the most flexible, and if the wedding doesn’t go through then you can keep the funds for another time, if you book with miles you get the miles back.

Southwest doesn't fly direct to where I'm going. Only 2 carriers fly direct and it's over 5 hours on a plane. Non direct is 8 hours so I avoid that with young kids if at all possible.

Omg you have 2 options:1) just buy the tickets now when prices are good and go regardless of wedding just for a visit if wedding doesn’t happen 2) don’t go! Christ sake.

is!

1) Change fees are $150/ticket so there goes $600 if in fact the date isn't set.

2) I'm going. My niece is a nice person that deserves support despite my sibling being weird.

Then ASK YOUR NIECE what the wedding date is. Cut the drama.

That's what I'm going to do as said in my first post. But I'm venting about why the heck my sibling sucks so much.

Maybe your sibling sucks but you, OP, are a PITA

I literally sent one text message. Yes, of course I suck, as the person that has to travel the furthest.

Based on your behavior on this thread, I truly doubt that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situation and how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?

I said that exactly, hey looking to see if the dates are solid because the flight prices are good.

No. You did not explain that you've been tightening your belt and making sacrifices to visit them regularly for years, and that buying tickets to this wedding closer to the date would be a financial burden. Because this is how you've described it to us: that it's a long-festering resentment that your family has not reciprocated your attentions for a long while, and you feel as if you're always the one spending the money and making the effort, so now it's the last straw.

And I'll guess why. It's because it's not a real financial burden, you just like to bean count.
If you have a fit now, you'll be seen as the aunt who likes to draw attention to herself when it's the bride's time to shine.

+1. Boom

There isn't any bean counting, in fact there is nothing to count at all. We're not talking my sibling has visited fewer times. My sibling has never visited not even for my wedding, never. No beans to count and I fully accept that about our relationship. Doesn't mean it doesn't sting that my sibling cares that little for me.

Going to my niece's wedding and not spending an arm and a leg isn't an unreasonable ask. It feels punitive, like, hey I get that you'd like to book airfare, but I want to make sure you pay as much as possible for it and just not answer your question.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO, YOU HALF-WIT. In fact, maybe that’s the point: they don’t want you to go. Take the hint.

But if you CHOOSE to go, STFU about the cost, because you chose your choice. Own your choices, live your choices.

-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You're way out of line, OP. If they're not ready to confirm a date, it means you might be out thousands if the date changes, unless you purchase a refundable/movable ticket.

Also, a wedding is a complex event to organize. Your niece has a million things to think about, and as a general rule, brides aren't thinking of one aunt's financial situationand how many times she's flown to visit. If she thinks of you at all, it's perhaps in the opposite way - that you seem so wealthy that travel for you will pose no problem. How is she supposed to read your mind? How is your sister supposed to read your mind? How can anyone accommodate you if you don't explain?

Italics is the cold, hard, generalized truth. Brides don’t think about anything but themselves; in addition to that the Bolded is the truth in regards to this post

Bold

I have no interest in bothering the bride either, hence why I texted my sibling. But with a non-response, no save the date then I'm left to ask the bride. But I totally agree that shouldn't be necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

Umm how hard is it to say “We haven’t put down a deposit on a venue, so the date is not set in stone.”

It's my Aunt's house there is no deposit.

So depending on the scope of the event there might not be an actual date set. Wedding might be 4 months out. Addresses of potential guests needed on one complete list whether a spreadsheet or doc. This could be a really small wedding or 100 guests. Large side scope there should be contracts with deposits now on catering, tables/chairs, etc. Even a big tent.

So the lack of communication is likely due to a developing guest list. For a wedding at a house that could exclude some relatives and /or their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

See, but that would have been a valid response to my question. Date isn't set yet. That wasn't the response.

They have the date secured with my Aunt and have addresses to send the invites. But, apparently, I can't get that answer until the mail arrives.

Why didn't you say so in your first post, then? It's the most important piece of information. Otherwise we just think you're crazy.

Call the niece, just as you planned. Your sister is probably stressed out. Or maybe she just doesn't like you.

“We” figured it out just fine. You’re the dumb one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

Umm how hard is it to say “We haven’t put down a deposit on a venue, so the date is not set in stone.”

It's my Aunt's house there is no deposit.

So depending on the scope of the event there might not be an actual date set. Wedding might be 4 months out. Addresses of potential guests needed on one complete list whether a spreadsheet or doc. This could be a really small wedding or 100 guests. Large side scope there should be contracts with deposits now on catering, tables/chairs, etc. Even a big tent.

So the lack of communication is likely due to a developing guest list. For a wedding at a house that could exclude some relatives and /or their children.

The more I reflected on it, the more it doesn't make sense. Pretty much all of my Mom's relatives except the Aunt whose house it is have not attended a family event in maybe 2-3 decades? I'd guess 1 or 2 on my Mom's side. My in laws family has a lot of addiction and dead relatives so no one functional or living there. Finally my sibling was adopted by my Dad and only ever attended one event for our Dad's side that are all on the same coast as us. Siblings kids never met their cousins. So I doubt anyone on that side is attending either. Most attendance then is the grooms family. So 6 of us for my siblings family at the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

My petty reply would have been “Guess what, the benefit of electronic communication is that information can flow at lightning speed. We don’t have to wait for the USPS carrier! Now, I repeat the question, has date X been finalized or not?”

WTF is wrong with your sister btw? And why do you even want to go to this wedding? Sounds like it is going to be cheap (aunt hosting?!) and not that fun if your sister is that cold to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

My petty reply would have been “Guess what, the benefit of electronic communication is that information can flow at lightning speed. We don’t have to wait for the USPS carrier! Now, I repeat the question, has date X been finalized or not?”

WTF is wrong with your sister btw? And why do you even want to go to this wedding? Sounds like it is going to be cheap (aunt hosting?!) and not that fun if your sister is that cold to you.

Lol - I absolutely could have, but I didn't because what is the point? I don't know if sibling was trying to start a fight, but I'm not engaging. I'm not going for my sibling (apparently), I'm going for my neice and my other very small amount of family that does care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

My petty reply would have been “Guess what, the benefit of electronic communication is that information can flow at lightning speed. We don’t have to wait for the USPS carrier! Now, I repeat the question, has date X been finalized or not?”

WTF is wrong with your sister btw? And why do you even want to go to this wedding? Sounds like it is going to be cheap (aunt hosting?!) and not that fun if your sister is that cold to you.

Lol - I absolutely could have, but I didn't because what is the point? I don't know if sibling was trying to start a fight, but I'm not engaging. I'm not going for my sibling (apparently), I'm going for my neice and my other very small amount of family that does care.

Then there’s no problem. You could ask your niece, or not. Whatever. Whether you go is your choice. Stop whining. Own your choices, live your choices. If the airfare is too high, send a gift and RSVP No. Life is simple. Unless you’re a bean-counting drama queen. Then it’s deliberately hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

That sounds to me like there may not be a wedding at all. Like maybe they did pick a date but one of them has cold feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

I mean, I guess OP and her sister have a lifetime with each other where this communication actually conveys info, but...

The question was "is the date solid?" And the response was not "yes" or "no" it was something weird about invites. Is your sister telling you that the date is in fact not solid? Is she being petty about OP needing to wait for the invitation in the mail? I can't tell.

And if I was the sister and was trying to convey that the date is in fact NOT solid (maybe bc there's trouble in paradise), then OP saying "understood" suggests that OP is getting that there's trouble in paradise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

[Anonymous]

Just don't go. Save yourself some money and stress. Go to a beach vacation instead. Sounds like you're feeling like a victim having to visit parents + sister every year. Just skip a year and decide based on how it feels if frequency should be less.

Having said all that sounds like they don't want to provide any extra scheduling accommodations to make your flights cheaper. Frankly, the cost of your flights along with your financials and feelings about all of it are squarely your own business, not their responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

That sounds to me like there may not be a wedding at all. Like maybe they did pick a date but one of them has cold feet.

NP. +1 to this or maybe they are cutting the guest list and either you won’t be invited or maybe it will be adults only? And they don’t want to share that information with you yet because it’s still up in the air.

I agree her response was obnoxious and understand your vent but am guessing something is behind her response.