Invitations haven't been sent yet

[Anonymous]

Why aren’t they doing save the dates? That is the whole point of this so people can arrange travel if they’re planning on attending. Invites go out like 6-8 weeks beforehand which is really short notice for cross country travel.

Personally I don’t see the big deal in OP asking. Sister could have said there’s no firm date yet if that was the case, which would have answered OP’s question. And if there is a date set then why is it being treated like a state secret, especially for a family member.

People on this board just love to trash the OP. If sister had posted and said “my sister texted me wanting to confirm my DD’s wedding date in order to book cross country flights and I decided not to tell her whether the date was set” people would be ragging on her. Like why can’t you just say yes or no about a date. It takes 2 seconds.

I wonder if something is going on behind the scenes like the wedding may not happen or us on shaky grounds …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

But this is all very strange. You've talked to your parents and other relatives but not your sister or niece? You didn't call to say congrats on the engagement? Ask the details? Are you sure you will even be invited? Something is up either you're not making the cut or the engagement is on the rocks and might not happen. But no, you aren't an effective communicator at all.

Neice has been engaged for 2 years so that isn't recent. Like most family, I figured I would hear when a date was set in the form of a save the date or a text / call. But, no, I received no communication at all from neice or sibling about the wedding. Hence my question when I heard about it from my parents who also were told in a very strange way.

So this isn't going to be a traditional wedding with save the dates, a venue booked a year in advance, and all the over the top details. Let me guess, you are loaded and your sister is poor and this is another way you look down on her?

Actually the opposite my sister's husband came into a huge inheritance a few years ago. So without a doubt they have tons of money. However, they are very cheap. By cheap I mean they only attend events, dinner or other activities if someone else is paying for them. So I'm a little surprised my Aunt allowed them to use their house for free (because they've had that exact issue with my sibling that caused a rift). But I'm assuming they are being generous to my neice who doesn't have money and parents who have made it clear she'll never get a dime from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t they doing save the dates? That is the whole point of this so people can arrange travel if they’re planning on attending. Invites go out like 6-8 weeks beforehand which is really short notice for cross country travel.

Personally I don’t see the big deal in OP asking. Sister could have said there’s no firm date yet if that was the case, which would have answered OP’s question. And if there is a date set then why is it being treated like a state secret, especially for a family member.

People on this board just love to trash the OP. If sister had posted and said “my sister texted me wanting to confirm my DD’s wedding date in order to book cross country flights and I decided not to tell her whether the date was set” people would be ragging on her. Like why can’t you just say yes or no about a date. It takes 2 seconds.

I wonder if something is going on behind the scenes like the wedding may not happen or us on shaky grounds …

OP said they are the only out of town guests I think. If she wants to know she needs to just pick up the phone and ask, none of this text business.

[Anonymous]

Dating for 10 years and engaged for 2 with nothing booked (even if it’s at a family home they’d still have to book vendors - food, photo and/or entertainment etc.)?? Yeah this wedding is never happening, or it’s going to be a VERY low-key backyard affair with immediate family only.

Your sister is being weird and rude, OP, but I’d just drop it and assume it’s not happening or you’re not invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

But this is all very strange. You've talked to your parents and other relatives but not your sister or niece? You didn't call to say congrats on the engagement? Ask the details? Are you sure you will even be invited? Something is up either you're not making the cut or the engagement is on the rocks and might not happen. But no, you aren't an effective communicator at all.

Neice has been engaged for 2 years so that isn't recent. Like most family, I figured I would hear when a date was set in the form of a save the date or a text / call. But, no, I received no communication at all from neice or sibling about the wedding. Hence my question when I heard about it from my parents who also were told in a very strange way.

So this isn't going to be a traditional wedding with save the dates, a venue booked a year in advance, and all the over the top details. Let me guess, you are loaded and your sister is poor and this is another way you look down on her?

Actually the opposite my sister's husband came into a huge inheritance a few years ago. So without a doubt they have tons of money. However, they are very cheap. By cheap I mean they only attend events, dinner or other activities if someone else is paying for them. So I'm a little surprised my Aunt allowed them to use their house for free (because they've had that exact issue with my sibling that caused a rift). But I'm assuming they are being generous to my neice who doesn't have money and parents who have made it clear she'll never get a dime from them.

You seem to know more about what's going on that you're letting on. How do you know what your Aunt agreed to? You said you didn't want to involve them in the "drama". You could just ask them how the wedding plans are coming along? But innuendo and assumptions seem to be the order of the day in this family where nobody actually talks to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

OP, you are being all about you, when in fact it has very little to do with you.

For all you know there is some drama going on with your niece and you sister isn't telling anyone. Bride and groom problems? Who is paying problems? How much it is costing problems? The list is long. And your sister knows if she confirms the date and you buy the tickets and then the plans change or cancelled altogether, you'd be super pissed then too.

You are trying to make this about you when it's not.

OP didn’t ask for details. She asked a yes or no question. Sister could have said “no the date isn’t firm yet” and left it at that. Instead she gave a weird response about invites that didn’t answer yes or no.

Also I hate this idea that the wedding shouldn’t be “about the guests” at all. In its essence it is a party. When you host a party you consider your guests. If a bride and groom want it all about them they should elope. I can’t imagine having been this snotty to out of state guests while wedding planning and would have been mortified if my mom treated a relative (who was making an effort to come celebrate my occasion) like this.

Who are you rude boors sticking up for OP’s sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How exactly is your sister supposed to respond if her daughter hasn't decided on a date?

She can just say "hey we are still not 100% certain that's the date. Will let you know when it's settled for sure!"

It's not hard to not be a b.

OP, you are being all about you, when in fact it has very little to do with you.

For all you know there is some drama going on with your niece and you sister isn't telling anyone. Bride and groom problems? Who is paying problems? How much it is costing problems? The list is long. And your sister knows if she confirms the date and you buy the tickets and then the plans change or cancelled altogether, you'd be super pissed then too.

You are trying to make this about you when it's not.

OP didn’t ask for details. She asked a yes or no question. Sister could have said “no the date isn’t firm yet” and left it at that. Instead she gave a weird response about invites that didn’t answer yes or no.

Also I hate this idea that the wedding shouldn’t be “about the guests” at all. In its essence it is a party. When you host a party you consider your guests. If a bride and groom want it all about them they should elope. I can’t imagine having been this snotty to out of state guests while wedding planning and would have been mortified if my mom treated a relative (who was making an effort to come celebrate my occasion) like this.

Who are you rude boors sticking up for OP’s sister?

Maybe OPs sister and her daughter aren't on speaking terms and mom doesn't know what's up with the wedding. It's a bit much to get into over text, so OP got a cryptic answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So your parents know the date
You know the date via your parents alleged “rumor”
So …. You decide to pick a fight with your sister (whom you’ve gone on and on about personal slights utterly irrelevant to this wedding) about the date you already have
And complain here at length
When you could have
Just booked the flights
Or texted your niece
Right
Thanks for wasting our tiney

There was no fight, just a question and a non-answer.

But you actually never told us your question … just the alleged response. Considering how combative you are, and how twisted your reasoning is, I no longer believe anything you are writing. AND did not correct me above …. SO you indeed know the date as do your own parents. So why are you even bothering your sister with the alleged question … which you haven’t told us? You don’t need to. And you don’t need to confirm with niece! You already have all the info you need. Just book the tickets. Or better yet … don’t go at all. And with that I am leaving this madness

Here is the text:
"Mom told us about (date) for (neice)'s wedding! The flight prices look very good at the moment - date is solid for us to book?"

Response: "Invitations haven't been sent yet"

Me: "Understood"

/conversation

You and your sister are poor communicators. Why not just say: can you confirm that xyz is the date for nieces wedding? I’d like to book tickets now. And then if your sister says invitations not sent yet instead of you replying “understood” (weird response) I’d say “ok if you can’t confirm the date I guess I’ll ask niece instead. Thanks!”

But wasn't that my direct, exact question and I didn't get either a yes or no answer? I wasn't going to be passive aggressive, so I just said understood because I had no good other response to the non-response.

You didn't get a yes or no answer but YOU still said you "understood." You did not and do not in fact understand, because you do not know if this is about not actually having a date or your sister being petty.

You are also a poor communicator. Maybe TALK to your sister to figure this out, and explain to her that you are wanting to reduce finances. Why is that such a challenge?

I understood that my sister wasn't going to answer my question. Her response was she isn't going to tell me before the invites arrive.

But this is all very strange. You've talked to your parents and other relatives but not your sister or niece? You didn't call to say congrats on the engagement? Ask the details? Are you sure you will even be invited? Something is up either you're not making the cut or the engagement is on the rocks and might not happen. But no, you aren't an effective communicator at all.

Neice has been engaged for 2 years so that isn't recent. Like most family, I figured I would hear when a date was set in the form of a save the date or a text / call. But, no, I received no communication at all from neice or sibling about the wedding. Hence my question when I heard about it from my parents who also were told in a very strange way.

So this isn't going to be a traditional wedding with save the dates, a venue booked a year in advance, and all the over the top details. Let me guess, you are loaded and your sister is poor and this is another way you look down on her?

Actually the opposite my sister's husband came into a huge inheritance a few years ago. So without a doubt they have tons of money. However, they are very cheap. By cheap I mean they only attend events, dinner or other activities if someone else is paying for them. So I'm a little surprised my Aunt allowed them to use their house for free (because they've had that exact issue with my sibling that caused a rift). But I'm assuming they are being generous to my neice who doesn't have money and parents who have made it clear she'll never get a dime from them.

You seem to know more about what's going on that you're letting on. How do you know what your Aunt agreed to? You said you didn't want to involve them in the "drama". You could just ask them how the wedding plans are coming along? But innuendo and assumptions seem to be the order of the day in this family where nobody actually talks to each other.

I have no idea what she agreed to, I only know the history because she had a really frank conversation with me recently when they were getting their affairs in order. She expressed her concerns about protecting the estate from my sibling and gave me explicit instructions on how she wanted things to be handled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t they doing save the dates? That is the whole point of this so people can arrange travel if they’re planning on attending. Invites go out like 6-8 weeks beforehand which is really short notice for cross country travel.

Personally I don’t see the big deal in OP asking. Sister could have said there’s no firm date yet if that was the case, which would have answered OP’s question. And if there is a date set then why is it being treated like a state secret, especially for a family member.

People on this board just love to trash the OP. If sister had posted and said “my sister texted me wanting to confirm my DD’s wedding date in order to book cross country flights and I decided not to tell her whether the date was set” people would be ragging on her. Like why can’t you just say yes or no about a date. It takes 2 seconds.

I wonder if something is going on behind the scenes like the wedding may not happen or us on shaky grounds …

OP said they are the only out of town guests I think. If she wants to know she needs to just pick up the phone and ask, none of this text business.

Are you serious? A phone call would be way more intrusive and inconvenient. A text takes 2 seconds to reply to. No one under the age of 60 should be picking up the phone and calling to ask this stuff without warning. I am 40 and basically never answer my phone unless someone texts first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t they doing save the dates? That is the whole point of this so people can arrange travel if they’re planning on attending. Invites go out like 6-8 weeks beforehand which is really short notice for cross country travel.

Personally I don’t see the big deal in OP asking. Sister could have said there’s no firm date yet if that was the case, which would have answered OP’s question. And if there is a date set then why is it being treated like a state secret, especially for a family member.

People on this board just love to trash the OP. If sister had posted and said “my sister texted me wanting to confirm my DD’s wedding date in order to book cross country flights and I decided not to tell her whether the date was set” people would be ragging on her. Like why can’t you just say yes or no about a date. It takes 2 seconds.

I wonder if something is going on behind the scenes like the wedding may not happen or us on shaky grounds …

OP said they are the only out of town guests I think. If she wants to know she needs to just pick up the phone and ask, none of this text business.

Are you serious? A phone call would be way more intrusive and inconvenient. A text takes 2 seconds to reply to. No one under the age of 60 should be picking up the phone and calling to ask this stuff without warning. I am 40 and basically never answer my phone unless someone texts first.

Well, now you see why text isn't always best. OP said her sister won't give her daughter a dime so it's very likely there are some money fights going on about who is paying. If OP's sister isn't paying I bet OP can assume she won't be invited then because the niece will probably keep it small and nix family she's not even close to, like OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating for 10 years and engaged for 2 with nothing booked (even if it’s at a family home they’d still have to book vendors - food, photo and/or entertainment etc.)?? Yeah this wedding is never happening, or it’s going to be a VERY low-key backyard affair with immediate family only.

Your sister is being weird and rude, OP, but I’d just drop it and assume it’s not happening or you’re not invited.

They are super young, 25 and still in school so the timing has to do with graduating their programs finally. But, yeah, my concern is my sibling got a free venue but some drama will end up ensuing over catering or tents that they won't want to pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t they doing save the dates? That is the whole point of this so people can arrange travel if they’re planning on attending. Invites go out like 6-8 weeks beforehand which is really short notice for cross country travel.

Personally I don’t see the big deal in OP asking. Sister could have said there’s no firm date yet if that was the case, which would have answered OP’s question. And if there is a date set then why is it being treated like a state secret, especially for a family member.

People on this board just love to trash the OP. If sister had posted and said “my sister texted me wanting to confirm my DD’s wedding date in order to book cross country flights and I decided not to tell her whether the date was set” people would be ragging on her. Like why can’t you just say yes or no about a date. It takes 2 seconds.

I wonder if something is going on behind the scenes like the wedding may not happen or us on shaky grounds …

OP said they are the only out of town guests I think. If she wants to know she needs to just pick up the phone and ask, none of this text business.

Are you serious? A phone call would be way more intrusive and inconvenient. A text takes 2 seconds to reply to. No one under the age of 60 should be picking up the phone and calling to ask this stuff without warning. I am 40 and basically never answer my phone unless someone texts first.

Well, now you see why text isn't always best. OP said her sister won't give her daughter a dime so it's very likely there are some money fights going on about who is paying. If OP's sister isn't paying I bet OP can assume she won't be invited then because the niece will probably keep it small and nix family she's not even close to, like OP.

I'm the only family. There is no one else. Its not that they didn't just not see me over the years they saw no one, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating for 10 years and engaged for 2 with nothing booked (even if it’s at a family home they’d still have to book vendors - food, photo and/or entertainment etc.)?? Yeah this wedding is never happening, or it’s going to be a VERY low-key backyard affair with immediate family only.

Your sister is being weird and rude, OP, but I’d just drop it and assume it’s not happening or you’re not invited.

They are super young, 25 and still in school so the timing has to do with graduating their programs finally. But, yeah, my concern is my sibling got a free venue but some drama will end up ensuing over catering or tents that they won't want to pay for.

I thought your concern was getting a cheap fare by booking early?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dating for 10 years and engaged for 2 with nothing booked (even if it’s at a family home they’d still have to book vendors - food, photo and/or entertainment etc.)?? Yeah this wedding is never happening, or it’s going to be a VERY low-key backyard affair with immediate family only.

Your sister is being weird and rude, OP, but I’d just drop it and assume it’s not happening or you’re not invited.

Yeah I agree with all this. I’d assume there is no wedding until further notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why aren’t they doing save the dates? That is the whole point of this so people can arrange travel if they’re planning on attending. Invites go out like 6-8 weeks beforehand which is really short notice for cross country travel.

Personally I don’t see the big deal in OP asking. Sister could have said there’s no firm date yet if that was the case, which would have answered OP’s question. And if there is a date set then why is it being treated like a state secret, especially for a family member.

People on this board just love to trash the OP. If sister had posted and said “my sister texted me wanting to confirm my DD’s wedding date in order to book cross country flights and I decided not to tell her whether the date was set” people would be ragging on her. Like why can’t you just say yes or no about a date. It takes 2 seconds.

I wonder if something is going on behind the scenes like the wedding may not happen or us on shaky grounds …

OP said they are the only out of town guests I think. If she wants to know she needs to just pick up the phone and ask, none of this text business.

Are you serious? A phone call would be way more intrusive and inconvenient. A text takes 2 seconds to reply to. No one under the age of 60 should be picking up the phone and calling to ask this stuff without warning. I am 40 and basically never answer my phone unless someone texts first.

Well, now you see why text isn't always best. OP said her sister won't give her daughter a dime so it's very likely there are some money fights going on about who is paying. If OP's sister isn't paying I bet OP can assume she won't be invited then because the niece will probably keep it small and nix family she's not even close to, like OP.

I'm the only family. There is no one else. Its not that they didn't just not see me over the years they saw no one, ever.

So you're not close. Don't count on being invited.