Dear MILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living in terror of having unhinged dil like some of these folks. My kids are still under ten so hopefully can teach them to avoid ppl with zero emotional regulation and rage issues. I don’t love my mil but the vitriol on here makes me feel like an absolute treasure

Yep, and these ladies don't even realize that their attitude toward their MIL is a predictor of what kind of MIL they are going to be and it's not what they think. They are quick to blame others, stereotype, bltch and whine, and guess what kind of person they will be when their own kids get married. Good luck is all I can say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Living in terror of having unhinged dil like some of these folks. My kids are still under ten so hopefully can teach them to avoid ppl with zero emotional regulation and rage issues. I don’t love my mil but the vitriol on here makes me feel like an absolute treasure

Living in terror that I will somehow get a mil that won’t back off and accept that her son and his marriage isn’t her business. And if he has issues that’s his wife job to help out with not his mommy’s

[Anonymous]

It's glaringly obvious why the MIL is concerned for her son here. Op seems at best, unstable.

[Anonymous]

I can relate OP. My MIL was pretty horrendous to me after our first kid because a) I gained a lot of weight and didn’t lose it all by the first birthday, and b) I made her precious son do half of the work! She kept comparing me to the other women in the family who were more traditional (and slim). It all came to a head (screaming match) after the first birthday, I insisted on couple’s therapy with DH, and he realized that he needed to shut her down. We have been happy ever since and she has generally STFU. I still hate her for what she did to me that first vulnerable year but I tolerate her and she now acknowledges that our kids are awesome which means she tacitly agrees I’m a great mother lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's glaringly obvious why the MIL is concerned for her son here. Op seems at best, unstable.

But her son is a grown man. I’m sure he has a peer group and he is more than capable of reaching out to them.

It’s not mommy’s business to protect her baby
Boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's glaringly obvious why the MIL is concerned for her son here. Op seems at best, unstable.

But her son is a grown man. I’m sure he has a peer group and he is more than capable of reaching out to them.

It’s not mommy’s business to protect her baby
Boy.

I hope you only talk to your friends and never your parents or other family about anything. Fair is fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's glaringly obvious why the MIL is concerned for her son here. Op seems at best, unstable. [/quot

Also what about concern for her DIl? Clearly her DIl is going through a tough time as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

tired*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

Oh so you're a controlling narcissist.. This entire thing makes sense now

How am I a controlling narcissist? I told you my mil didn’t ask about me at all and a tough pregnancy and labor is a lot more serious than seeming tired.

That’s what bothered me she seemed to only view me as an incubator for her grandchild.

So her precious baby boy is tied. It’s not good mil to not show any concern for your DIl.

Where are your parents? Are they scared of you too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a small-minded and miserable woman. And your husband is dumb enough to report back to you what she said (also you don’t know if he exaggerated to rile you up). You two sound like a good match.

How am I small minded? Because I call MILs out on sticking their nose where it doesn’t belong.

Let’s see how you react when your mil does the same thing.

So let's be clear here. It's Mils's business to ask how your pregnancy is going. if you are feeling well if you are tired? However it's not her business to ask how her son is doing? If she asks after her son she is judging you and your marriage.

Do I have this correct?

My point is that I had a super rough pregnancy and labor which is a lot more than her son went through yet she didn’t seem to care about me at all because she never asked but her son seems tired which is a natural thing for a first time parent of a young baby and she acts concerned about.

Also interesting how we were together all day and then she waifs until I leave the room to ask my husband that question.

That’s the part that really stuck out to me that it was her passive aggressive way of hinting that I’m not doing enough.

OP the bolded assumption is where you are potentially being unreasonable. Just because your MIL did not ask you directly how you are doing does not mean that she does not care about you or how you are doing. You are filtering that through your assumptions. She could have avoided asking you about yourself because she was afraid, based on prior experiences with you, that anything she said could be interpreted poorly, like she doesn’t believe you are competent or doing well as a mother. Based on your post alone I think this is highly likely. You need to look within and check yourself.

OP my MIL died 10 years ago and I still mourn for her, I loved her so much. She was just a lovely lady. But I don’t ever recall her asking me how I was doing directly, ever. She was not a perfect person and could be temperamental and obnoxious. I know she loved me and cared because I just know, but she primarily communicated with DH and I know she also routinely asked him how he was doing. I also had difficult pregnancies and even had surgery during my first pregnancy. Very few people seem to ask women during this stressful time “are you ok.” Remember when Meghan Markle started crying during that interview just because the guy asked her “are you ok?” You have a lot of hormones rushing through you but you need to be gracious and respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's glaringly obvious why the MIL is concerned for her son here. Op seems at best, unstable.

But her son is a grown man. I’m sure he has a peer group and he is more than capable of reaching out to them.

It’s not mommy’s business to protect her baby
Boy.

I hope you only talk to your friends and never your parents or other family about anything. Fair is fair.

So you condone her son running to mommy instead of working things out with his own wife or a non biased party like a marital counselor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's glaringly obvious why the MIL is concerned for her son here. Op seems at best, unstable.

But her son is a grown man. I’m sure he has a peer group and he is more than capable of reaching out to them.

It’s not mommy’s business to protect her baby
Boy.

I hope you only talk to your friends and never your parents or other family about anything. Fair is fair.

So you condone her son running to mommy instead of working things out with his own wife or a non biased party like a marital counselor.

Yep. He is allowed to talk to other people. Even his mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, please help me understand why her saying that her son looks tired equals a passive-aggressive indictment of you. Why couldn’t she just be making a comment that just happened when you weren’t there?

Which also leads me to question if the passive-aggressiveness wasn’t actually coming from your husband?? What was his purpose in sharing the comment? Does he think he’s doing more than you are?