Broke due to child support and alimony

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am broke due to the amount I am paying in child support and alimony. Ex wife refused mediation and now I understand why. Before people jumped and I say I deserve this and so forth there was no physical or verbal or financial abuse no cheating on either side. The marriage just broke down.

The percentage of my monthly take home that goes to child support and alimony is insane. And worse child support exclude sports activities. So our children had to give up swimming and tennis respectively. Their mom seems like she can care less because she got what she wanted anyways. The amount we were spending on our kids while we were married is far less than what I am sending her for child support.

Now I see why some people are eager to file for divorce. The financial incentives are good in some cases for one of the party.

I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life. Forget about dating in this modern era where impressing your date is a key condition. And not sure how to do that when you are broke.

I am just ranting. Don’t marry someone who doesn’t have the same exact earning potential as you. My ex was not a stay at home mom. She did earn less than me.

Ugh, why are even thinking about dating right now when you know your kids gave up ECs. Before you buy some random women dinner hoping to get into her panties you should pay for things your kids enjoy.

Maybe mom can pay for the activities out of her child support and alimony or her income. That's what the child support and her income is for.

Why was this horrible selfish woman okay with spending money on children’s activities prior to the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Everyone is broke after divorce. You are supporting two households on the income that formerly supported one. Housing costs have doubled, among other things. You act like your wife somehow ‘won’ but unless you were hoarding money from her before she now has access to less money than she did, which is evident in the kids sport loss. Money doesn’t magically appear after divorce. Especially if you guys burned money in lawyers. Treat it as a market loss and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same I get $1900/m but my ex makes $600K, so it’s not a lot considering his income.

Oh wow, you get peanuts relative to what he warns. How long were you married?

[Anonymous]

OP has not mentioned if he is self-employed, owns his own business, or if ex helped him build his business. These things can drastically skew the numbers and business owners can cry personal poverty but have a huge value in their business interest.
I'm going to take a guess that he is not a W2 earner and there are some S-corp tax forms involved in his profile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to a different country and give up your citizenship. Send checks only to coveje kids.

US divorce courts are GROSSLY unfair to men. Period.

The faster you get out the better. Singapore speaks English everywhere. You are literally a modern day slave who'll keep laying alimony for for. It's slavery.

The data on courts being unfair to men would disagree with your assertion. In general, men tend to come out of divorces okay financially, but it often tips women and children into poverty.

Oh please, women get 'tipped into poverty' because they don't want to work or don't get jobs.

Why shouldn't it be a man's job to support an ex with alimony payments for virtually infinity to make sure she has a comfy lifestyle? There are no guarantees in life, lol. Should I get compensated from my brokerage account bank if I lose money on the stock market after making a bad stock pick too?

Sh!t, if a court forced me into barely liveable wages because they wanted me to pay insane amounts of child support and alimony per month I'd get the hell outta Dodge and move abroad. No way would I be shackled for years living a miserable life because my ex thinks she deserves thousands per month in alimony. It is just legalized slavery and/or indentured service.

So you would leave your children behind and move abroad to escape supporting them?
Or you would move your children to Singapore with you?

If you were to stay here, what is it that you want? You want to take the kids away from their mother and have full custody so that you don’t have to pay child support? Or you would want your kids to live in poverty half of the time or most of the time in order to pay less child support?

What is it that you want to spend your money on that’s more important than your kids?

I have no problems giving child support payments. What I have a problem with is alimony and the expectation that I should be financially supporting an ex-spouses lifestyle. The entire concept is asinine. The ex spouse can get a job if they need money. It's not my responsibility to make sure my ex has a certain lifestyle threshold.

If I ever got saddled with years or permanent alimony you can sure as hell bet I'd give up my citizenship and move abroad. I wouldn't even care if I had to work as a bus boy in a restaurant abroad....as long as I'm giving an ex spouse $0 it'd be worth it. They can hire expensive lawyers to pick over the carcass of any social security entitlements for all I care.

I'd let the kids decide where they'd want to live - the US or Singapore. NBD. I'd make it well aware to them that Singapore has far better healthcare, better education, no guns, and basically no crime. Plus amazing food scenes. I could easily sell them on moving there.

So, you would be okay with paying for childcare, but not with food or clothes or utilities for your children? Would you pay your ex-spouse for half the PTO they would need to take for sick kids, snow days, etc? Or just paying them something for doing all of the childcare?

And how would you take care of children working as a bus boy in Singapore? Doesn’t that sound harder than giving your ex-spouse $500/month in alimony or whatever.

So the person I know that this happened to: her kids lifestyle changed drastically. She did go back to work making about 60k - the dad made a lot of money and once he left the country, he would just decide if and how much he’d send. I lost touch with her because she could no longer afford the activities our kids did together. She found cheaper alternatives. Her kids, particularly the older, was very talented, but that kid quit making progress once dad quit paying and could no longer afford good coaching. The kids attitudes and personalities also changed. Maybe they ended up fine but I’m certain they didn’t go as far as they could have if dad hadn’t up and left. IMO kids benefit from both parents whether they live together or not and he abandoned his responsibility to these kids. The mom would have been working regardless of the child support and alimony, and she was a selfless mom that put everything she had into her kids.

[Anonymous]

I’m female and don’t understand why anyone gets child support. Kids should move between parents houses 50% of the time. While at each parents house, parent will provide for them. School/extracurriculars should be shared expenses.

Dh and I make similar incomes. Without the kids 50% of the time I could lean in and really get paid a lot more.

Also, Dh just forgets to change his retirement contributions. Thus I have a lot more in retirement over the years. I’ve nagged him but he doesn’t care. I’d be annoyed if he took half of mine.

[Anonymous]

It sucks I admit, but it is a financial risk that one takes when getting hitched.

As well as staying hitched.

And no, it is not forever.

Both alimony as well as child support eventually run out….

[Anonymous]

Divorce is expensive, with two household expenses instead of one.
As long as you don't blame your EX or children for being broke, blame on the D.
Also, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Kids will grow-up, hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am broke due to the amount I am paying in child support and alimony. Ex wife refused mediation and now I understand why. Before people jumped and I say I deserve this and so forth there was no physical or verbal or financial abuse no cheating on either side. The marriage just broke down.

The percentage of my monthly take home that goes to child support and alimony is insane. And worse child support exclude sports activities. So our children had to give up swimming and tennis respectively. Their mom seems like she can care less because she got what she wanted anyways. The amount we were spending on our kids while we were married is far less than what I am sending her for child support.

Now I see why some people are eager to file for divorce. The financial incentives are good in some cases for one of the party.

I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life. Forget about dating in this modern era where impressing your date is a key condition. And not sure how to do that when you are broke.

I am just ranting. Don’t marry someone who doesn’t have the same exact earning potential as you. My ex was not a stay at home mom. She did earn less than me.

Ugh, why are even thinking about dating right now when you know your kids gave up ECs. Before you buy some random women dinner hoping to get into her panties you should pay for things your kids enjoy.

Maybe mom can pay for the activities out of her child support and alimony or her income. That's what the child support and her income is for.

Why was this horrible selfish woman okay with spending money on children’s activities prior to the divorce?

Because the money was available so why isn't she continuing to do it when she has three incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m female and don’t understand why anyone gets child support. Kids should move between parents houses 50% of the time. While at each parents house, parent will provide for them. School/extracurriculars should be shared expenses.

Dh and I make similar incomes. Without the kids 50% of the time I could lean in and really get paid a lot more.

Also, Dh just forgets to change his retirement contributions. Thus I have a lot more in retirement over the years. I’ve nagged him but he doesn’t care. I’d be annoyed if he took half of mine.

Because not all spouses make equal money and it's to give the kids the same in each home. If incomes are the same thats generally how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am broke due to the amount I am paying in child support and alimony. Ex wife refused mediation and now I understand why. Before people jumped and I say I deserve this and so forth there was no physical or verbal or financial abuse no cheating on either side. The marriage just broke down.

The percentage of my monthly take home that goes to child support and alimony is insane. And worse child support exclude sports activities. So our children had to give up swimming and tennis respectively. Their mom seems like she can care less because she got what she wanted anyways. The amount we were spending on our kids while we were married is far less than what I am sending her for child support.

Now I see why some people are eager to file for divorce. The financial incentives are good in some cases for one of the party.

I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life. Forget about dating in this modern era where impressing your date is a key condition. And not sure how to do that when you are broke.

I am just ranting. Don’t marry someone who doesn’t have the same exact earning potential as you. My ex was not a stay at home mom. She did earn less than me.

Ugh, why are even thinking about dating right now when you know your kids gave up ECs. Before you buy some random women dinner hoping to get into her panties you should pay for things your kids enjoy.

Maybe mom can pay for the activities out of her child support and alimony or her income. That's what the child support and her income is for.

Nope. CS isn’t supposed to be the NCP’s sole contribution to the support of the child.

It depends on the state, some states it covers everything and other it doesn't. It should be laid out in the divorce decree. But, if Dad is paying child support and alimony, and he's not ordered to pay extra, its on mom. His share comes out of the child support as that is his portion of activities, food, clothing, housing, etc. and mom's portion comes out of alimony and her income. You think Dad should pay child support, alimony and extra's? At what point is enough enough?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Neighbor waited until kids were 18 to file on his cheating whore wife.

But if the cheating whore wife filed first and there was no proof she cheated then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to a different country and give up your citizenship. Send checks only to coveje kids.

US divorce courts are GROSSLY unfair to men. Period.

The faster you get out the better. Singapore speaks English everywhere. You are literally a modern day slave who'll keep laying alimony for for. It's slavery.

The data on courts being unfair to men would disagree with your assertion. In general, men tend to come out of divorces okay financially, but it often tips women and children into poverty.

This.
I also saw a statistic that men who ask for custody get it 93% of the time.

I’m sure there are cases that are unfair toward men out there, but they certainly aren’t the majority.

I also saw at satistic that 97% of all alimony payments are made by men. This is even though these days 50% of the workforce is women and there are now more college graduates that are women than men. Alimony is supposed to be gender neutral, yet courts are massively biased against men when it comes to alimony payments.

Gosh, yes there are just so many men downshifting job to support their hard working wives in top jobs. They all get alimony since those guys with the dad jobs supported the house, family and kids whilst Mom focused on her career building.

The men I know who did this DO get alimony.
Honestly, the men who were in and out of rehab throughout the marriage get alimony. Nearly every man who asks for alimony gets it.

Yup. The mental disorder dads who keep getting fired also get child support and alimony from their MC, UMC ex wife.
Good stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I receive child support from my ex. Raising children is expensive. People who pay child support often underestimate all the cost. My ex is not rich nor is he poor. However the amount he sends me no doubt put me in a much better financial situation than him. He agreed to the amount and I wonder if he regrets it. We shouldn’t be quick to dismiss people who feel they are being strangled with the payments. Using our kids to punish our exes for whatever they have or have not done in the marriage is poor form.

Well this is why 50/50 should be the norm.

If you can’t afford to take care of your kids than he should keep them.

As for men, staying away from marriage is the best course if action for most men

He probably doesn’t want them, pp.
There are a lot of men out there who do not want primary custody of their children, or even 50/50.

If in a divorce both spouses want custody can a judge still give custody to just one of them and the other has to pay? Assuming no abuse, no DV but there is cheating. Or no cheating but one wants the divorce and other doesn't and one wants full custody but other wants to share?

If divorce is mutual and shared custody no one pays anything to the other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even $2000 a month isn’t enough to live large, it might cover rent but that’s it. Kids with divorced parents can’t always afford sports and college now that there are two households to support. If you want those for your kid, you need to start earning more and save.

It won’t cover rent in this area. I rent a 2 bedroom 2 bedroom apt in rockville for more than $3000 a mo.