Broke due to child support and alimony

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Same I get $1900/m but my ex makes $600K, so it’s not a lot considering his income.

I was paying that much in Maryland in child support with an income of $120k and a working ex-w.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to a different country and give up your citizenship. Send checks only to coveje kids.

US divorce courts are GROSSLY unfair to men. Period.

The faster you get out the better. Singapore speaks English everywhere. You are literally a modern day slave who'll keep laying alimony for for. It's slavery.

The data on courts being unfair to men would disagree with your assertion. In general, men tend to come out of divorces okay financially, but it often tips women and children into poverty.

This.
I also saw a statistic that men who ask for custody get it 93% of the time.

I’m sure there are cases that are unfair toward men out there, but they certainly aren’t the majority.

I also saw at satistic that 97% of all alimony payments are made by men. This is even though these days 50% of the workforce is women and there are now more college graduates that are women than men. Alimony is supposed to be gender neutral, yet courts are massively biased against men when it comes to alimony payments.

Gosh, yes there are just so many men downshifting job to support their hard working wives in top jobs. They all get alimony since those guys with the dad jobs supported the house, family and kids whilst Mom focused on her career building.

The men I know who did this DO get alimony.
Honestly, the men who were in and out of rehab throughout the marriage get alimony. Nearly every man who asks for alimony gets it.

Yup. The mental disorder dads who keep getting fired also get child support and alimony from their MC, UMC ex wife.
Good stuff.

About 2 percent of alimony in America is paid by women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I receive child support from my ex. Raising children is expensive. People who pay child support often underestimate all the cost. My ex is not rich nor is he poor. However the amount he sends me no doubt put me in a much better financial situation than him. He agreed to the amount and I wonder if he regrets it. We shouldn’t be quick to dismiss people who feel they are being strangled with the payments. Using our kids to punish our exes for whatever they have or have not done in the marriage is poor form.

Well this is why 50/50 should be the norm.

If you can’t afford to take care of your kids than he should keep them.

As for men, staying away from marriage is the best course if action for most men

He probably doesn’t want them, pp.
There are a lot of men out there who do not want primary custody of their children, or even 50/50.

If in a divorce both spouses want custody can a judge still give custody to just one of them and the other has to pay? Assuming no abuse, no DV but there is cheating. Or no cheating but one wants the divorce and other doesn't and one wants full custody but other wants to share?

If divorce is mutual and shared custody no one pays anything to the other?

It it completely up to the judge. Some judges always side with the women in the divorce and will give them everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sucks I admit, but it is a financial risk that one takes when getting hitched.

As well as staying hitched.

And no, it is not forever.

Both alimony as well as child support eventually run out….

Not necessarily true. If in Va and married over 20 years, it’s not uncommon to be awarded alimony for life. I was married 23 years and it was definitely on the table. My lawyer seemed fairly satisfied with negotiating an end to paying alimony after 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even $2000 a month isn’t enough to live large, it might cover rent but that’s it. Kids with divorced parents can’t always afford sports and college now that there are two households to support. If you want those for your kid, you need to start earning more and save.

It won’t cover rent in this area. I rent a 2 bedroom 2 bedroom apt in rockville for more than $3000 a mo.

I'm a divorced mom and have had to move my two kids into a basement apartment for $1500 so I can still afford some activities at the school and around town and be able to fix the car etc. I do sometimes eat out with the kids when I don't have time to cook. That is my huge wasteful spending of the month. Threads like these make me ill. Like society really needs thousands of men with income beyond necessities using their money to play in life versus taking care of families. Not one man has written how he now has more money going to the kids than before. It doesn't happen. I don't think it would be a bad idea actually to make public the childcare expenses. Maybe Virginia will see that their childcare amounts don't even cover food and utility costs for the month. Also couldn't you get an itemized list of expenses if you went to court? I think the only reason they don't is that it's more work and the amounts are so low to begin with. Is it really worth the time to itemize $400 per child a month in expenses? It probably costs more to house adults a month in a homeless shelter. I agree if an adult tried to sever the relationship by either being dangerous or cheating which is also dangerous that the alimony should be reduced.

[Anonymous]

The program near us second story houses teens. How much do these programs cost per person? I seriously doubt they are less than what the Virginia childcare costs are and even alimony allocations

[Anonymous]

I also would like to see sex as part of the marriage contract being a thing you can use for payments. Don't have sex in a year? File for a separation with payments. Cheating? File for the Cheating spouse to pay more or receive less depending on the situation. If sex is the most major part of the marriage contract it should legally be part of the marriage contract as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even $2000 a month isn’t enough to live large, it might cover rent but that’s it. Kids with divorced parents can’t always afford sports and college now that there are two households to support. If you want those for your kid, you need to start earning more and save.

It won’t cover rent in this area. I rent a 2 bedroom 2 bedroom apt in rockville for more than $3000 a mo.

Yes it would but you move to a cheaper area. $3k for an apartment is too much. Our mortgage is $2k. Child support is dad’s portion of the kids expenses. It’s not supposed to cover all your expenses. Just part of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even $2000 a month isn’t enough to live large, it might cover rent but that’s it. Kids with divorced parents can’t always afford sports and college now that there are two households to support. If you want those for your kid, you need to start earning more and save.

It won’t cover rent in this area. I rent a 2 bedroom 2 bedroom apt in rockville for more than $3000 a mo.

I'm a divorced mom and have had to move my two kids into a basement apartment for $1500 so I can still afford some activities at the school and around town and be able to fix the car etc. I do sometimes eat out with the kids when I don't have time to cook. That is my huge wasteful spending of the month. Threads like these make me ill. Like society really needs thousands of men with income beyond necessities using their money to play in life versus taking care of families. Not one man has written how he now has more money going to the kids than before. It doesn't happen. I don't think it would be a bad idea actually to make public the childcare expenses. Maybe Virginia will see that their childcare amounts don't even cover food and utility costs for the month. Also couldn't you get an itemized list of expenses if you went to court? I think the only reason they don't is that it's more work and the amounts are so low to begin with. Is it really worth the time to itemize $400 per child a month in expenses? It probably costs more to house adults a month in a homeless shelter. I agree if an adult tried to sever the relationship by either being dangerous or cheating which is also dangerous that the alimony should be reduced.

It’s not supposed to cover everything and you are supposed to pay part too. You need to live within your means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even $2000 a month isn’t enough to live large, it might cover rent but that’s it. Kids with divorced parents can’t always afford sports and college now that there are two households to support. If you want those for your kid, you need to start earning more and save.

It won’t cover rent in this area. I rent a 2 bedroom 2 bedroom apt in rockville for more than $3000 a mo.

I'm a divorced mom and have had to move my two kids into a basement apartment for $1500 so I can still afford some activities at the school and around town and be able to fix the car etc. I do sometimes eat out with the kids when I don't have time to cook. That is my huge wasteful spending of the month. Threads like these make me ill. Like society really needs thousands of men with income beyond necessities using their money to play in life versus taking care of families. Not one man has written how he now has more money going to the kids than before. It doesn't happen. I don't think it would be a bad idea actually to make public the childcare expenses. Maybe Virginia will see that their childcare amounts don't even cover food and utility costs for the month. Also couldn't you get an itemized list of expenses if you went to court? I think the only reason they don't is that it's more work and the amounts are so low to begin with. Is it really worth the time to itemize $400 per child a month in expenses? It probably costs more to house adults a month in a homeless shelter. I agree if an adult tried to sever the relationship by either being dangerous or cheating which is also dangerous that the alimony should be reduced.

It’s not supposed to cover everything and you are supposed to pay part too. You need to live within your means.

But my point is that the costs we were allocating towards each kid was close to $2000 each per month if allocating a third of the house towards them. Now each child gets in total from Virginia from both parents a dedicated $400 per month. That's only 20 percent of what they were receiving before. You can definitely take your spouse back to court if the money isn't used on the kids so first this argument that you can't is a lie. But furthermore, where does the other $1600 come from that ideally should go to them monthly and now go in this scenario? It doesn't. The kids just get less money. And this adds up quickly since this is a $1600 per month depletion. So sure it can cost a second person that much more in housing to live per month but beyond this they don't have more expenses. So in this scenario both parents don't have any less money for themselves. They just have to pay more rent and the kid is the biggest loser only receiving 20 percent of what they did before which really only covers their housing and food. So what is all the fuss about with money? There are so few women and children making out from divorce and even men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Move to a different country and give up your citizenship. Send checks only to coveje kids.

US divorce courts are GROSSLY unfair to men. Period.

The faster you get out the better. Singapore speaks English everywhere. You are literally a modern day slave who'll keep laying alimony for for. It's slavery.

The data on courts being unfair to men would disagree with your assertion. In general, men tend to come out of divorces okay financially, but it often tips women and children into poverty.

This.
I also saw a statistic that men who ask for custody get it 93% of the time.

I’m sure there are cases that are unfair toward men out there, but they certainly aren’t the majority.

I also saw at satistic that 97% of all alimony payments are made by men. This is even though these days 50% of the workforce is women and there are now more college graduates that are women than men. Alimony is supposed to be gender neutral, yet courts are massively biased against men when it comes to alimony payments.

Gosh, yes there are just so many men downshifting job to support their hard working wives in top jobs. They all get alimony since those guys with the dad jobs supported the house, family and kids whilst Mom focused on her career building.

The men I know who did this DO get alimony.
Honestly, the men who were in and out of rehab throughout the marriage get alimony. Nearly every man who asks for alimony gets it.

Yup. The mental disorder dads who keep getting fired also get child support and alimony from their MC, UMC ex wife.
Good stuff.

About 2 percent of alimony in America is paid by women.

That’s an old statistic. It was 10 percent in 2018 and probably higher now.

[Anonymous]

Prices are out of control these days for the vast majority of people. Renting a 2 bedroom apartment starts at $2.1k in the suburbs, food for 1 adult and 1 child is $500 monthly, utilities $120, gas and car payments and insurance at least $400, childcare if needed $400 for aftercare or $1600 for full time care, plus everything else, like investing in your retirement so your kids don’t have to feel that burden when you retire, healthcare, college savings, it’s a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am broke due to the amount I am paying in child support and alimony. Ex wife refused mediation and now I understand why. Before people jumped and I say I deserve this and so forth there was no physical or verbal or financial abuse no cheating on either side. The marriage just broke down.

The percentage of my monthly take home that goes to child support and alimony is insane. And worse child support exclude sports activities. So our children had to give up swimming and tennis respectively. Their mom seems like she can care less because she got what she wanted anyways. The amount we were spending on our kids while we were married is far less than what I am sending her for child support.

Now I see why some people are eager to file for divorce. The financial incentives are good in some cases for one of the party.

I don’t even know where to begin to rebuild my life. Forget about dating in this modern era where impressing your date is a key condition. And not sure how to do that when you are broke.

I am just ranting. Don’t marry someone who doesn’t have the same exact earning potential as you. My ex was not a stay at home mom. She did earn less than me.

Ugh, why are even thinking about dating right now when you know your kids gave up ECs. Before you buy some random women dinner hoping to get into her panties you should pay for things your kids enjoy.

Maybe mom can pay for the activities out of her child support and alimony or her income. That's what the child support and her income is for.

Nope. CS isn’t supposed to be the NCP’s sole contribution to the support of the child.

It depends on the state, some states it covers everything and other it doesn't. It should be laid out in the divorce decree. But, if Dad is paying child support and alimony, and he's not ordered to pay extra, its on mom. His share comes out of the child support as that is his portion of activities, food, clothing, housing, etc. and mom's portion comes out of alimony and her income. You think Dad should pay child support, alimony and extra's? At what point is enough enough?

I only know women who pay child support and alimony because my friends are women. I get that it’s different because women feel differently about children, but yeah, they have the kids 50 % of the time, and they pay child support, alimony, and extras (school tuition, extracurricular activities, medical bills, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I receive child support from my ex. Raising children is expensive. People who pay child support often underestimate all the cost. My ex is not rich nor is he poor. However the amount he sends me no doubt put me in a much better financial situation than him. He agreed to the amount and I wonder if he regrets it. We shouldn’t be quick to dismiss people who feel they are being strangled with the payments. Using our kids to punish our exes for whatever they have or have not done in the marriage is poor form.

Well this is why 50/50 should be the norm.

If you can’t afford to take care of your kids than he should keep them.

As for men, staying away from marriage is the best course if action for most men

He probably doesn’t want them, pp.
There are a lot of men out there who do not want primary custody of their children, or even 50/50.

If in a divorce both spouses want custody can a judge still give custody to just one of them and the other has to pay? Assuming no abuse, no DV but there is cheating. Or no cheating but one wants the divorce and other doesn't and one wants full custody but other wants to share?

If divorce is mutual and shared custody no one pays anything to the other?

It it completely up to the judge. Some judges always side with the women in the divorce and will give them everything.

Most judges side with men. Some judges side with women. Men who seek custody get it 95% of the time, even in cases where there is history of substance use or domestic violence or the child was conceived in a prosecuted rape.

[Anonymous]

The old saying is, “It’s cheaper to keep her.”