DD Semester Away: I hate you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DD could be extremely stressed about by being in another country. It's very difficult. Also, she could be coming under the influence of unsavory people. She is your daughter. Try contacting her to find out how she is. Text her, "Please call me" and then talk to her about her experience in this new place, and maybe, maybe also about her very concerning text but only if you get the feeling she is okay. She doesn't sound okay though. She needs your help.

No. Texting "please call me" is indeed controlling. I don't even like it when non-controlling people text me that.

Op should either: call her and leave a voicemail asking for a call back, nicely. Text her back saying "I really want to discuss this with you. I'll call you later this week." Or text her "call me whenever you're ready to talk."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d text back “I’m sorry you feel like that. I love you no matter what.” Maybe she was drunk?

*this💯

[Anonymous]

I would also respond with unconditional love and an invite to talk about it when she’s ready. Spoiled or not, this is a conversation that needs to be had, so best have it and be ready to listen. If she doubles down with her “proof” you can invite her to set out on her own without your financial support so she doesn’t have to be under your control, but try not to get angry. She’s still young, she’ll make mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also respond with unconditional love and an invite to talk about it when she’s ready. Spoiled or not, this is a conversation that needs to be had, so best have it and be ready to listen. If she doubles down with her “proof” you can invite her to set out on her own without your financial support so she doesn’t have to be under your control, but try not to get angry. She’s still young, she’ll make mistakes.

No she is not a baby

Unconditional love won’t work here .


Why is OP paying for her adult life?

I’m sure she paid for study abroad which is not required

Her kid is a brat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the State Department to cancel her passport and put her on the terrorist watch list. Then she can stay in Spain and wash dishes

Omg that would be horrible

[Anonymous]

I agree with a few other PPs that you should reach out and let her know you are concerned that the last text seemed very unlike her and you would like to chat soon. If you don't hear back from her within a day or so of that I would be pretty worried that something is very wrong. I hope there is a way you can check to see that she is ok even if it involves contacting someone there other than her.

I'm sure you already know that cutting off anything (phone, money, tuition, contact) would be very wrong at this point.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a made up post. Ungrateful children posts, like MIL posts, always get a reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a made up post. Ungrateful children posts, like MIL posts, always get a reaction.

I agree but I don't think it matters. Clearly parents reading this need some intelligent advice on how to handle a similar situation.

[Anonymous]

This is OP and no it is not made up. I haven’t heard from her yet, if I don’t hear from her in a few days I will send her a “you don’t have to text back, just know I am here for you if you want.” I am not going to cut her off, I am even surprised people suggested that. Was it mean? Yes. Disrespectful? Yes. But does it warrant cutting her off? I don’t think so.

I was asking more for advice what the say to her and when. And it did shed light for me when the PP said girls wind each other up. I have seen it, it’s true. That helped put it in perspective for me.

I don’t think anything bad has happened because she is there with some girls from school who have my number and I would think one of them would contact me. Or the program itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is a made up post. Ungrateful children posts, like MIL posts, always get a reaction.

I agree but I don't think it matters. Clearly parents reading this need some intelligent advice on how to handle a similar situation.

Only because you have been whipped up thinking stuff like is commonplace.

[Anonymous]

Cut her off until she apologizes without prompting. Drunk or not, she owes you an apology.

[Anonymous]

I know my reaction would be to text back “Wow! That was a lot to throw out there from thousands of miles away. I’d welcome the chance to have my opinions equally heard because this seems awfully one-sided.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP and no it is not made up. I haven’t heard from her yet, if I don’t hear from her in a few days I will send her a “you don’t have to text back, just know I am here for you if you want.” I am not going to cut her off, I am even surprised people suggested that. Was it mean? Yes. Disrespectful? Yes. But does it warrant cutting her off? I don’t think so.

I was asking more for advice what the say to her and when. And it did shed light for me when the PP said girls wind each other up. I have seen it, it’s true. That helped put it in perspective for me.

I don’t think anything bad has happened because she is there with some girls from school who have my number and I would think one of them would contact me. Or the program itself.

My 22 year old DD would shout this at me occasionally in high stress situations. (A few years ago). It really seemed to mean “I hate needing you so much and/or I love you but I need to be out there making my own decisions.” I never got mad just calm and told her not to speak to me in such a way. She and I are very close now (she’s in last year of college) via txt/phone/visits. She just needed to be her own woman out in the World.
Hugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's been harboring negative feelings for quite awhile, then it isn't about the party. It's about your parenting. Show some vulnerability and a little bit of humility here. Tell her that you want to be a better parent. You will work at it, and you want to have a good relationship.

Gag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DD could be extremely stressed about by being in another country. It's very difficult. Also, she could be coming under the influence of unsavory people. She is your daughter. Try contacting her to find out how she is. Text her, "Please call me" and then talk to her about her experience in this new place, and maybe, maybe also about her very concerning text but only if you get the feeling she is okay. She doesn't sound okay though. She needs your help.

No. Texting "please call me" is indeed controlling. I don't even like it when non-controlling people text me that.

Op should either: call her and leave a voicemail asking for a call back, nicely. Text her back saying "I really want to discuss this with you. I'll call you later this week." Or text her "call me whenever you're ready to talk."

I can see who is controlling, PP: YOU. You can rewrite "please call me" multiple ways and it's the same thing, as long as you are the one suggesting it. There is nothing controlling about texting, "Please call me." She is her mother.