DD Semester Away: I hate you

[Anonymous]

Don't cut her phone or anything else off while she's in a foreign country. I worked abroad and it's hella hard to get a work visa to earn anything that will support you.

I like the options of either ignoring or texting back "I'm sorry you feel this way but I love you no matter what." Those are the only adult things to do (although if she really meant the text either will sort of drive her nuts). The revenge people are idiots, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD went to Spain with a bunch of kids from her school for a semester abroad.

Out of the blue I get a text, “I’ve been talking to my friends, and they all agree you are a horrible controlling parent and I don’t want to talk to you.”

I didn’t respond because she said she didn’t want to talk to me, and I felt she was just baiting me anyway. The only time this came up at home was when I wouldn’t permit her to go a HS party when I knew the parents were out of town. I told her then I will not apologize for parenting. It turns out that one kid got so drunk that another kid called an ambulance. I never said “told you so” or anything like that, but apparently that made it all the worse that I didn’t let her go because everyone who went was talking about the drama and she was an outsider.

Apparently she has been harboring feelings about this over the past several years. I didn’t stop her from dating, or going out with her friends. She dressed the way she wanted to, took the classes she wanted to, did whatever hobbies that interested her. I can’t think of any other time I gave her a hard no and I was within my right as a parent to say no.

I am a single parent so I guess there is no one else for her to blame. WWYD? I am inclined to do what she wants and just not text her.

[Anonymous]

Don't cut her off, you'll just be giving her more reason to hate you. Step back, let her vent, and talk with her when she is ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the biggest bummers about this story is that a young woman with an opportunity to study abroad is using the time to ruminate about her mean mom. The 24/7 contact via phones has completely hampered this generation’s ability to grow TF up.

COVID put adolescents back. She's probably going through what she should have experienced in high school.

Please stop. Stop using covid as an excuse for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. No, I am not going to cut her off. It was indeed late and the thought that maybe she was out drinking with friends crossed my mind. I mean I know she was mad that I wouldn’t let her go when it occurred, and angry after as well, but I suspect the PP who said girls wind each other up is probably right.

I haven’t texted her back figuring she needed space. She has texted me. Maybe she really is angry or maybe she is embarrassed, I don’t know.

I think there is some validity to Covid setting her back maturity-wise. The kids missed out on a lot of typical teen developmental stuff, navigating social situations and the like.

It is very hurtful, with all the terrible things out there that parents do, to be lumped in the category of horrible parent. I’m certainly not perfect, but I think anyone would be hard-pressed to call me controlling and terrible.

I don’t know. It makes me sad that this is how she thinks of me but I am also not sure what I can do about that perception at this point except to prove her wrong by not replying and giving her the space she says she wants.

[Anonymous]

*I meant she HASN’T texted me

[Anonymous]

I don’t know. It makes me sad that this is how she thinks of me but I am also not sure what I can do about that perception at this point except to prove her wrong by not replying and giving her the space she says she wants.

This is the exact right response, OP. Just be a little aloof. Friendly when you interact, but not overly gushing. Hopefully she will realize her mistake and apologize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. No, I am not going to cut her off. It was indeed late and the thought that maybe she was out drinking with friends crossed my mind. I mean I know she was mad that I wouldn’t let her go when it occurred, and angry after as well, but I suspect the PP who said girls wind each other up is probably right.

I haven’t texted her back figuring she needed space. She has texted me. Maybe she really is angry or maybe she is embarrassed, I don’t know.

I think there is some validity to Covid setting her back maturity-wise. The kids missed out on a lot of typical teen developmental stuff, navigating social situations and the like.

It is very hurtful, with all the terrible things out there that parents do, to be lumped in the category of horrible parent. I’m certainly not perfect, but I think anyone would be hard-pressed to call me controlling and terrible.

I don’t know. It makes me sad that this is how she thinks of me but I am also not sure what I can do about that perception at this point except to prove her wrong by not replying and giving her the space she says she wants.


"no I won't cut her off"

You are the problem not her.

You failed as a parent over and over again.

Your "kid" is on a trip of a lifetime that you paid for. Just like the phone she has, clothes she wears, and everything else.

Your kid has zero respect for you, and you feed into it all day everyday.

Why in the world do you pay for her phone?

You are an ATM great job OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. No, I am not going to cut her off. It was indeed late and the thought that maybe she was out drinking with friends crossed my mind. I mean I know she was mad that I wouldn’t let her go when it occurred, and angry after as well, but I suspect the PP who said girls wind each other up is probably right.

I haven’t texted her back figuring she needed space. She has texted me. Maybe she really is angry or maybe she is embarrassed, I don’t know.

I think there is some validity to Covid setting her back maturity-wise. The kids missed out on a lot of typical teen developmental stuff, navigating social situations and the like.

It is very hurtful, with all the terrible things out there that parents do, to be lumped in the category of horrible parent. I’m certainly not perfect, but I think anyone would be hard-pressed to call me controlling and terrible.

I don’t know. It makes me sad that this is how she thinks of me but I am also not sure what I can do about that perception at this point except to prove her wrong by not replying and giving her the space she says she wants.


"no I won't cut her off"

You are the problem not her.

You failed as a parent over and over again.

Your "kid" is on a trip of a lifetime that you paid for. Just like the phone she has, clothes she wears, and everything else.

Your kid has zero respect for you, and you feed into it all day everyday.

Why in the world do you pay for her phone?

You are an ATM great job OP

Your parents did that to you and this is how you turned out, right? So bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. No, I am not going to cut her off. It was indeed late and the thought that maybe she was out drinking with friends crossed my mind. I mean I know she was mad that I wouldn’t let her go when it occurred, and angry after as well, but I suspect the PP who said girls wind each other up is probably right.

I haven’t texted her back figuring she needed space. She has texted me. Maybe she really is angry or maybe she is embarrassed, I don’t know.

I think there is some validity to Covid setting her back maturity-wise. The kids missed out on a lot of typical teen developmental stuff, navigating social situations and the like.

It is very hurtful, with all the terrible things out there that parents do, to be lumped in the category of horrible parent. I’m certainly not perfect, but I think anyone would be hard-pressed to call me controlling and terrible.

I don’t know. It makes me sad that this is how she thinks of me but I am also not sure what I can do about that perception at this point except to prove her wrong by not replying and giving her the space she says she wants.

Covid didn't set kids back. Let's be real. It's a cop out. At best kids were virtual school for a year but everything else carried on as usual. And, fi your kid is on a semester away, they probably never were virtual or only a few months.

Your kid is a brat. Tell her that she can hate you all she wants but if she is going to treat you poorly it's time to grow up and support herself. You'll pay through the rest of the school year and she needs to support herself and fully pay for everything. If she wants to live with you it's $200 for rent and $100 for groceries or buy her own. I'd only provide health insurance.

[Anonymous]

Don’t pay her tuition until she talks to you. She’s an adult (presumably).

[Anonymous]

Not saying you are controlling, but I was raised by a very controlling mother. You don’t need to worry about cutting her off—if you are controlling, she’s already making plans to ensure she doesn’t need you. I knew I needed to get away from my mother when I was 16. I earned great grades to ensure I had college opportunities. I worked and had student loans in college (700 miles away from her) and have worked and supported myself ever since. Not needing her is incredibly freeing. If none of this applies to you, then dismiss it as teenage nonsense.

[Anonymous]

I would not let it slide. No contact for a few weeks, and then raise the issue of finances. As in how she plans to support herself. Get a job, go to community college, etc. What a shit way to treat you.

[Anonymous]

I never disrespected my parents but I know that if I'd said something like this they wouldn't have cut me off.
It was an awful thing for her to text, even drunk, but it's insane to think that a parent should kick their kid out or stop paying tuition or let her struggle in a foreign country with no money for saying something awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not let it slide. No contact for a few weeks, and then raise the issue of finances. As in how she plans to support herself. Get a job, go to community college, etc. What a shit way to treat you.

Only narcissist use silent treatment to control. pp you must be one!