DD Semester Away: I hate you

[Anonymous]

DD went to Spain with a bunch of kids from her school for a semester abroad.

Out of the blue I get a text, “I’ve been talking to my friends, and they all agree you are a horrible controlling parent and I don’t want to talk to you.”

I didn’t respond because she said she didn’t want to talk to me, and I felt she was just baiting me anyway. The only time this came up at home was when I wouldn’t permit her to go a HS party when I knew the parents were out of town. I told her then I will not apologize for parenting. It turns out that one kid got so drunk that another kid called an ambulance. I never said “told you so” or anything like that, but apparently that made it all the worse that I didn’t let her go because everyone who went was talking about the drama and she was an outsider.

Apparently she has been harboring feelings about this over the past several years. I didn’t stop her from dating, or going out with her friends. She dressed the way she wanted to, took the classes she wanted to, did whatever hobbies that interested her. I can’t think of any other time I gave her a hard no and I was within my right as a parent to say no.

I am a single parent so I guess there is no one else for her to blame. WWYD? I am inclined to do what she wants and just not text her.

[Anonymous]

How old is she and who is paying for her phone service?

[Anonymous]

Ignore her text.

Are you paying for her to be there?

Stop.

Cut off her phone. Ie suspend service.

Car insurance cut it off.

[Anonymous]

I’d text back “I’m sorry you feel like that. I love you no matter what.” Maybe she was drunk?

[Anonymous]

I would ignore it. She probably regrets sending that text already. Girls this age wind each other up. If she brings it up again in person say you are sorry she feels that way and you are willing to go with her to counseling to work through those feelings but you don’t think it will be productive to have such a conversation on your own.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully you're not paying for her trip or phone.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to grow up and you did it for her best interests and if she wants to stop contact, she needs to get a job and pay for her own school and trips.

[Anonymous]

She was definitely drunk, and she also possibly exaggerated things to her friends to get a reaction. I would feel sad but come on. Not letting her go to that party was the right call. And she sounds kind of spoiled, to be honest.

I would just write back and say you’re sorry she feels that way and you’re here if she wants to talk about it. Tell her you love her and hope she’s having a good experience there.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry I know this is hard.

Unfortunately you raised a spoiled brat.

Cut her off now.

Everything.

She "hates" you why are you paying.

Next semester is on her. Cut her phone off, and any spending monies. Stop funding her life.

[Anonymous]

What time was it in Spain when she sent this text? How long ago was it?

I ask because my first instinct is that she was drunk, got into a "deep" conversation with her friends, and made a bad choice to text. She likely regrets it.

Either way, I would not address the text directly. But I would wait for, or create, an opportunity to chat with her about her thoughts on her childhood and how she was raised. I would also think a bit about whether there are any things I regret and that I should apologize for about my parenting. It doesn't mean you are a bad mother.

[Anonymous]

Why is she being SO dramatic? It’s January and I assume she will not be home until May. Financially speaking, I would cease depositing money into her account. She’ll call when she is out of cash. At that time, remind her of her text.

[Anonymous]

Maybe one of her friends wrote it and deleted it from her phone? I would just pretend you never saw it and see what her next communication is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is she being SO dramatic? It’s January and I assume she will not be home until May. Financially speaking, I would cease depositing money into her account. She’ll call when she is out of cash. At that time, remind her of her text.

Pot Meet Kettle.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she sent you a drunk text

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am sorry I know this is hard.

Unfortunately you raised a spoiled brat.

Cut her off now.

Everything.

She "hates" you why are you paying.

Next semester is on her. Cut her phone off, and any spending monies. Stop funding her life.

You're so controlling that you're letting her do a semester abroad?

Seems like an easy solution here.