Obese spouse...I'm tired of this.

[Anonymous]

He would actually be a candidate for obesity drugs, if he can find them now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the heat attack thing never works bc the person can easily observe reality - tons of people who are carrying an extra 50 pounds are just fine

If you find him unattractive bc you view home as lazy or weak for being overweight you need to accept that and deal with your feelings

OP here. He is on three medications for his heart and lipids. He is at very high risk for HA / MI. Per his cardiologist. He had a great deal of plaque and multivessel disease. He found out about this three years ago when he turned 50. I thought this would be a wake up call. It wasn't. He just gained weight and i forgot to mention, picked up an occasional nicotine habit. Its bad.. I'm upset and angry. He does exercise a lot though.

well Op I lost 80 lbs and am now a normal BMI

I still have high blood pressure and have to take meds to control it and I have the beginning of heart disease. Once I lost the weight doctors suddenly changed to these things are often genetic and won’t matter how much weight you lose ….

It’s not that your DH shouldn’t lose weight but you should understand more about heart diseases and realize that it’s not all about weight

OP, you should read and absorb the above to try to help let go of the resentment. That doesn't mean you don't still advocate your husband getting healthy, but even if he makes all the changes suggested he might still have the same issues. (Probably not the pre-diabetes). My own dad has always been slim and fit. He's not a huge gym type exerciser, but not at all a couch potato. He has high cholesterol and his doctor nagged him and nagged him. He stopped eating red meat, then meat altogether, stopped drinking, took a statin that made him exhausted and experience muscle pain. Literally no change in his cholesterol.

It's very comforting for others to think if they do everything "right" then they won't have any health issues so they judge others harshly. The truth is that you can do everything you can to ensure the best outcomes and it may still not work. It's hard to hold both of those beliefs in your head, but you should try.

Same with my father and his family of heart disease.

He’s living his life healthy and active, more fish/less fried stuff, eating less now that he’s 80 and is doing well managing his high cholesterol and hardening arteries and heart muscle. Not overweight. He’ll probably be like my coworkers elderly father- out for a brisk walk or daily jog and keels over from a heart attack.

But family history is no excuse to just let loose eat garbage and get fat.

Most people get this PP. They can hold this all in their head. Just like they know if you’re genetically predisposed for heart disease and pigging out and never active, you’re not living a healthy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise.

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control.

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here.

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.

The fact you'd talk about three Dominos per day and all this other crap just shows how little you know about what this is actually like.

DP. I know.
I am overweight. I’m not trying to lose weight. I did post my actual diet once, and people were still like, “rice at dinner AND a muffin at book club on the same day?”
Like rice and my friend’s muffins are the equivalent of Dominos and twinkies.

Rice is all sugar carbs. Even Asian people only eat a little bit a day.

[Anonymous]

Can you afford $1,200 a month to try and get him Wegovy? Is it worth $14-15,000 a year for him to be normal weight? Realistically that is the ONLY thing that has going to work. As a bonus he will stop being pre-diabetic and have better heart health.

I sat down with my husband and said I didn’t want to lose him and it was worth the money to me for him to be healthy. It may seem crazy to spend that much but insurance wouldn’t pay. Husband has been on it a year and has lost 45 pounds and is no longer ore-diabetic, blood pressure is better and he has way more active. When he first started there were savings coupons. Now there aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise.

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control.

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here.

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.

The fact you'd talk about three Dominos per day and all this other crap just shows how little you know about what this is actually like.

DP. I know.
I am overweight. I’m not trying to lose weight. I did post my actual diet once, and people were still like, “rice at dinner AND a muffin at book club on the same day?”
Like rice and my friend’s muffins are the equivalent of Dominos and twinkies.

Calories In = calories Out means stay the same high weight.

[Anonymous]

Ozempic is causing lots of mid life crises in males suddenly a dateable size and shape again.

Fascinating the divorce lawyers here in our town. Not DC so no worries!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise.

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control.

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here.

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.

The fact you'd talk about three Dominos per day and all this other crap just shows how little you know about what this is actually like.

DP. I know.
I am overweight. I’m not trying to lose weight. I did post my actual diet once, and people were still like, “rice at dinner AND a muffin at book club on the same day?”
Like rice and my friend’s muffins are the equivalent of Dominos and twinkies.

Calories In = calories Out means stay the same high weight.

lol. Way to prove my point.
I specifically said that I’m NOT trying to lose weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise.

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control.

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here.

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.

The fact you'd talk about three Dominos per day and all this other crap just shows how little you know about what this is actually like.

DP. I know.
I am overweight. I’m not trying to lose weight. I did post my actual diet once, and people were still like, “rice at dinner AND a muffin at book club on the same day?”
Like rice and my friend’s muffins are the equivalent of Dominos and twinkies.

Calories In = calories Out means stay the same high weight.

lol. Way to prove my point.
I specifically said that I’m NOT trying to lose weight.

Yes I noticed that, that you said you’re an overweight and not trying to lose weight. Can’t tell how stable your weight is tho.

Anyhow, So what. You didn’t have a point either way. Rice carbs and muffin carbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the heat attack thing never works bc the person can easily observe reality - tons of people who are carrying an extra 50 pounds are just fine

If you find him unattractive bc you view home as lazy or weak for being overweight you need to accept that and deal with your feelings

OP here. He is on three medications for his heart and lipids. He is at very high risk for HA / MI. Per his cardiologist. He had a great deal of plaque and multivessel disease. He found out about this three years ago when he turned 50. I thought this would be a wake up call. It wasn't. He just gained weight and i forgot to mention, picked up an occasional nicotine habit. Its bad.. I'm upset and angry. He does exercise a lot though.

well Op I lost 80 lbs and am now a normal BMI

I still have high blood pressure and have to take meds to control it and I have the beginning of heart disease. Once I lost the weight doctors suddenly changed to these things are often genetic and won’t matter how much weight you lose ….

It’s not that your DH shouldn’t lose weight but you should understand more about heart diseases and realize that it’s not all about weight

o


No it’s not all about weight - but it is hugely influenced by diet. Lots of healthy weight people develop heart disease because of what they eat - and of course smoking is huge.

If you have heart disease and don’t smoke, you can begin reversing that heart disease within weeks by following something close to the Pritikin plan for diet - ditch the sugar and saturated fats and eat tons of plants. The research on this is incontrovertible, but the majority of people don’t want to make the commitment to substantial lifestyle changes and prefer to live with the anxiety about when and whether it will be a massive coronary or a massive stroke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise.

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control.

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here.

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.

The fact you'd talk about three Dominos per day and all this other crap just shows how little you know about what this is actually like.

DP. I know.
I am overweight. I’m not trying to lose weight. I did post my actual diet once, and people were still like, “rice at dinner AND a muffin at book club on the same day?”
Like rice and my friend’s muffins are the equivalent of Dominos and twinkies.

Calories In = calories Out means stay the same high weight.

lol. Way to prove my point.
I specifically said that I’m NOT trying to lose weight.

Yes I noticed that, that you said you’re an overweight and not trying to lose weight. Can’t tell how stable your weight is tho.

Anyhow, So what. You didn’t have a point either way. Rice carbs and muffin carbs?

My point was that even if you explicitly say that you eat real food and don’t eat Dominos and twinkies, people will still say that whatever you eat is terrible .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should leave him.

Seriously. I honestly can’t imagine feeling this type of resentment toward my spouse for gaining weight (she has). You two are middle aged. You’re not hot anymore, you’re never going to be. Grow up.

“Health” is one thing, but 50lbs on a tall guy in his 50s is not a big deal.

Go hook up with the lunatic PP who wakes up at 4am every day, then works 12 hour days so he can brag on a Mommy message board about his testosterone. You two will be a match made in delusional, sociopathic heaven.

Not OP, but this post is astonishing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should leave him.

Seriously. I honestly can’t imagine feeling this type of resentment toward my spouse for gaining weight (she has). You two are middle aged. You’re not hot anymore, you’re never going to be. Grow up.

“Health” is one thing, but 50lbs on a tall guy in his 50s is not a big deal.

Go hook up with the lunatic PP who wakes up at 4am every day, then works 12 hour days so he can brag on a Mommy message board about his testosterone. You two will be a match made in delusional, sociopathic heaven.

Not OP, but this post is astonishing.

I kind of agree with a lot of his post. OP seems really upset and angry about this. It would be hard to live with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise.

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control.

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here.

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.

They have basically done studies like that and yes it is genetic.

I am very pro-healthy lifestyle but I think there are so many misunderstandings around weight. Truly, if very overweight and obese people could change things with a reasonable amount of effort, most of them would have already.

But I know OP’s husband is eating badly right now and not moving much, and obviously that is not straight genetics. I don’t understand people like OP’s DH but my guess is that a lot of it is fatalistic and shame based. He has tried so many things for years and things have only gotten worse, so he figures there is no point in trying again. This is why I don’t think that people should try to lose weight. Weight loss is so complicated and hard to achieve long-term, so people set unrealistic expectations for themselves and then feel awful when they fail. If, 20 years ago, OP’s husband decided that instead of trying to lose weight he would try to maintain it, that probably have worked and the present situation could have been avoided.

Anyways, I vote Ozempic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should leave him.

Seriously. I honestly can’t imagine feeling this type of resentment toward my spouse for gaining weight (she has). You two are middle aged. You’re not hot anymore, you’re never going to be. Grow up.

“Health” is one thing, but 50lbs on a tall guy in his 50s is not a big deal.

Go hook up with the lunatic PP who wakes up at 4am every day, then works 12 hour days so he can brag on a Mommy message board about his testosterone. You two will be a match made in delusional, sociopathic heaven.

Not OP, but this post is astonishing.

I kind of agree with a lot of his post. OP seems really upset and angry about this. It would be hard to live with.

I find myself agreeing with both PPs!

But my honest opinion is that if OP’s DH feels a lot of shame and if they were to separate, he would get healthier. It happens so often with divorces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the heat attack thing never works bc the person can easily observe reality - tons of people who are carrying an extra 50 pounds are just fine

If you find him unattractive bc you view home as lazy or weak for being overweight you need to accept that and deal with your feelings

OP here. He is on three medications for his heart and lipids. He is at very high risk for HA / MI. Per his cardiologist. He had a great deal of plaque and multivessel disease. He found out about this three years ago when he turned 50. I thought this would be a wake up call. It wasn't. He just gained weight and i forgot to mention, picked up an occasional nicotine habit. Its bad.. I'm upset and angry. He does exercise a lot though.

well Op I lost 80 lbs and am now a normal BMI

I still have high blood pressure and have to take meds to control it and I have the beginning of heart disease. Once I lost the weight doctors suddenly changed to these things are often genetic and won’t matter how much weight you lose ….

It’s not that your DH shouldn’t lose weight but you should understand more about heart diseases and realize that it’s not all about weight

o


No it’s not all about weight - but it is hugely influenced by diet. Lots of healthy weight people develop heart disease because of what they eat - and of course smoking is huge.

If you have heart disease and don’t smoke, you can begin reversing that heart disease within weeks by following something close to the Pritikin plan for diet - ditch the sugar and saturated fats and eat tons of plants. The research on this is incontrovertible, but the majority of people don’t want to make the commitment to substantial lifestyle changes and prefer to live with the anxiety about when and whether it will be a massive coronary or a massive stroke.

Whatever.
Show me the research that people with diabetes and CAD are able to prevent death due to heart attacks and strokes by following your plan.