Obese spouse...I'm tired of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So relatable except my dh needs to lose 100lbs, and yes, heart disease, stents, high blood pressure, cholesterol, all the usual conditions. But fret not, he spends hundreds of dollars a year on useless herbs/vitamins. So he’s wasting his health and his money. Nothing you can do, help where you can but it’s in their heads where the work truly needs done and that leaves you out. It was after his mother died the weight really came on. Ruining today’s relationships while ruminating about past ones. Fun times. I’m thinking divorce at this point but I’m selfish and most of my life is good, why implode it? Side note, yes we have sex, limited positions and it’s physically difficult for me, that’s a lot of weight I’m dealing with, if those complications won’t motivate action nothing will!

You are cold as ice. I feel terrible for your DH. How do people get saddled with these sociopath spouses?

NP. My spouse has gained 250 lbs, showers 3 times per month max, and does absolutely nothing other than sit, watch TV, and eat. You better believe I’m planning to divorce. Then he will be all yours.

Is he employed?

Any sign of mental illness in the extended family?

[Anonymous]

You start eating healthy and exercising with him and/or as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So relatable except my dh needs to lose 100lbs, and yes, heart disease, stents, high blood pressure, cholesterol, all the usual conditions. But fret not, he spends hundreds of dollars a year on useless herbs/vitamins. So he’s wasting his health and his money. Nothing you can do, help where you can but it’s in their heads where the work truly needs done and that leaves you out. It was after his mother died the weight really came on. Ruining today’s relationships while ruminating about past ones. Fun times. I’m thinking divorce at this point but I’m selfish and most of my life is good, why implode it? Side note, yes we have sex, limited positions and it’s physically difficult for me, that’s a lot of weight I’m dealing with, if those complications won’t motivate action nothing will!

You are cold as ice. I feel terrible for your DH. How do people get saddled with these sociopath spouses?

NP. My spouse has gained 250 lbs, showers 3 times per month max, and does absolutely nothing other than sit, watch TV, and eat. You better believe I’m planning to divorce. Then he will be all yours.

Is he employed?

Any sign of mental illness in the extended family?

Yes (thankfully). He is incredibly smart, great at his job, and makes very good money. He was going to get weight loss surgery but failed the psych exam. Already on antidepressants and won’t do therapy. No major signs of mental illness in the family, but DH is, at a minimum, very depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the heat attack thing never works bc the person can easily observe reality - tons of people who are carrying an extra 50 pounds are just fine

If you find him unattractive bc you view home as lazy or weak for being overweight you need to accept that and deal with your feelings

OP here. He is on three medications for his heart and lipids. He is at very high risk for HA / MI. Per his cardiologist. He had a great deal of plaque and multivessel disease. He found out about this three years ago when he turned 50. I thought this would be a wake up call. It wasn't. He just gained weight and i forgot to mention, picked up an occasional nicotine habit. Its bad.. I'm upset and angry. He does exercise a lot though.

well Op I lost 80 lbs and am now a normal BMI

I still have high blood pressure and have to take meds to control it and I have the beginning of heart disease. Once I lost the weight doctors suddenly changed to these things are often genetic and won’t matter how much weight you lose ….

It’s not that your DH shouldn’t lose weight but you should understand more about heart diseases and realize that it’s not all about weight

o


No it’s not all about weight - but it is hugely influenced by diet. Lots of healthy weight people develop heart disease because of what they eat - and of course smoking is huge.

If you have heart disease and don’t smoke, you can begin reversing that heart disease within weeks by following something close to the Pritikin plan for diet - ditch the sugar and saturated fats and eat tons of plants. The research on this is incontrovertible, but the majority of people don’t want to make the commitment to substantial lifestyle changes and prefer to live with the anxiety about when and whether it will be a massive coronary or a massive stroke.

We are all waiting to see this incontrovertible research that following the Pritkin plan reduces the incidence of heart attacks and strokes in people with diabetes and heart disease.

Are you kidding? How old are you? It’s common knowledge that Pritikin works, in the people willing to make the commitment and stick to it.

The federal government recognizes the efficacy of Pritikin in reversing heart disease.

https://www.cms.gov/medicare-coverage-database/view/ncacal-decision-memo.aspx?proposed=N&NCAId=239&bc=AiAAAAAAAgAAAA%3D%3D&.

Go pick another fight elsewhere, you’re not winning this one.

I’m 43 and graduated from medical school in 2006.

I just did a quick google search of the Pritkin plan and found this:

“The Pritikin Diet: Discredited By Medicine But Now Endorsed By Your Federal Government!”

https://theskepticalcardiologist.com/2015/11/29/the-pritikin-diet-discredited-by-medicine-but-now-endorsed-by-your-federal-government/?amp=1

What you are is a liar and internet contrarian.

It isn't even a question among cardiologists that the Pritikin Plan works, that the China Study is valid and that there is a clear path to reserve heart disease.

The only issue is that so many patients won't care for themselves, just like OP's husband.

But please, do carry on lying and denying decades of scientific studies.

What did I lie about?

I posted a link to a blog article written by a cardiologist saying that cardiologists don’t believe this plan is valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gained a ton of weight over my late 30s and 40s and find myself in my early 50s working on major dietary and lifestyle changes to become a heavy plant eater who moves her body on the regular.

I've had undiagnosed BED for most of my life, I have clear memories of binge eating certain foods as a preschooler. It was tied to childhood trauma - feeding the hungry heart and blocking out uncomfortable thoughts.

I have to work on utilizing substitute behavioral strategies all the time and always will I expect - I just hope it will get easier with time, but I suspect it will always depend on my mood, present conditions in my life, etc.

I am become very focused on self care - good quality sleep, light box with green tea and walnuts (brain foods!) every morning, stretching, walking outdoors, weight lifting, eating really healthy most of the time which means reduced hunger. My gut is rebalanced and it honestly works like those weight loss drugs - your rebalanced happy gut drives positive mood (95% of serotonin is actually produced in the gut, not the brain), reduces food thinking, and naturally stimulates GLP-1 which reduces food urges.

OP I am sad about your situation and I don't think you are heartless. It is hard to watch someone let themselves fall into poor health - I watched myself do it to me and I was very frustrated and sad about it. Some of my going off the cliff was related to a very bad perimenopause and a longtime undiagnosed vitamin deficiency, but I was definitely eating garbage and lots of it and that was a primary cause. Your husband needs therapy for the ??? (probably childhood trauma) that is driving his overeating.

Has he ever worked out his ACE score? https://developingchild.harvard.edu/media-coverage/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean/

NP. This is one of the most helpful posts (to me) I've seen in the decade+ I've been on DCUM. This describes me so much (childhood trauma, undiagnosed BED, weight gain in my 40s, now 50s etc.)but am struggling to make the changes you are. Not to derail OP's thread but are you getting help from somewhere in particular? a therapist or program or book you could recommend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gained a ton of weight over my late 30s and 40s and find myself in my early 50s working on major dietary and lifestyle changes to become a heavy plant eater who moves her body on the regular.

I've had undiagnosed BED for most of my life, I have clear memories of binge eating certain foods as a preschooler. It was tied to childhood trauma - feeding the hungry heart and blocking out uncomfortable thoughts.

I have to work on utilizing substitute behavioral strategies all the time and always will I expect - I just hope it will get easier with time, but I suspect it will always depend on my mood, present conditions in my life, etc.

I am become very focused on self care - good quality sleep, light box with green tea and walnuts (brain foods!) every morning, stretching, walking outdoors, weight lifting, eating really healthy most of the time which means reduced hunger. My gut is rebalanced and it honestly works like those weight loss drugs - your rebalanced happy gut drives positive mood (95% of serotonin is actually produced in the gut, not the brain), reduces food thinking, and naturally stimulates GLP-1 which reduces food urges.

OP I am sad about your situation and I don't think you are heartless. It is hard to watch someone let themselves fall into poor health - I watched myself do it to me and I was very frustrated and sad about it. Some of my going off the cliff was related to a very bad perimenopause and a longtime undiagnosed vitamin deficiency, but I was definitely eating garbage and lots of it and that was a primary cause. Your husband needs therapy for the ??? (probably childhood trauma) that is driving his overeating.

Has he ever worked out his ACE score? https://developingchild.harvard.edu/media-coverage/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean/

NP. This is one of the most helpful posts (to me) I've seen in the decade+ I've been on DCUM. This describes me so much (childhood trauma, undiagnosed BED, weight gain in my 40s, now 50s etc.)but am struggling to make the changes you are. Not to derail OP's thread but are you getting help from somewhere in particular? a therapist or program or book you could recommend?

I agree. Such a helpful and empathetic post, informed by deep self-analysis and hard work on getting better. I have been catching myself thinking that my behaviors fit with the BED diagnosis, but not sure where to go for help. My spouse dismisses my thinking. He thinks I am fine. Yet I have gained 17 lbs in one year and I feel unhealthy.