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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Look let’s not beat around the bush with all the  “bmi can be wrong” and “obesity can be attractive” stuff and see it for what it is.
The husband is an adult and the wife can’t tell him what to do.
Her responsibility is to shield herself and the kids from the fallout.
She needs to make sure they are financially protected in case of his demise. [/quote]

As someone married to an obese spouse, I'll tell you on top of all the worry it's also very hard to get life insurance for someone at that weight/with these health issues.

I don't know any easy solution. My spouse certainly would prefer not to be obese - but also makes choices I find confounding and (frankly) sometimes infuriating. Is on weight loss drugs (for diabetes) - they have yet to lead to any weight loss - and all kinds of other meds, which, thankfully, do seem to be working.

I try to look at this as a medical issue - I would not divorce my spouse over cancer, I'm not going to divorce my spouse over obesity. But I really also do get frustrated when they are ordering the largest and most sugary drinks at Starbucks, and sneaking a trip through the drive-thru, and eating cookies all the time, and sitting on the couch for hours and hours.

I also recognize that while I can encourage good eating, and encourage some movement, none of this is in my control. [/quote]

The obesity is a medical issue, yes, but it is caused by lifestyle choices. As you describe here. [/quote]

I'm the PP - and it's not just one or the other. They come from a family of seriously overweight people - there is a genetic factor. Plus a metabolic disorder. The last time my spouse was a normal weight - and even then they were overweight - they were virtually anorexic.

There are, of course, so many things they could do to mitigate. But only very thin people - and I count myself among them - can possibly think that a little less eating, a little more exercise, would make the whole difference.[/quote]

The only way to know if a family tree of obese people is genetic or not is to strip away the factors like lack of exercise, poor nutrition, and over-eating.

If you’re eating right and being active and still obese that is different. Different from a couch potato eating three dominos pizzas a day plus twinkies and McDonald’s, claiming their obesity is genetic because Ma and Pa did the same and were obese.[/quote]

They have basically done studies like that and yes it is genetic.

I am very pro-healthy lifestyle but I think there are so many misunderstandings around weight. Truly, if very overweight and obese people could change things with a reasonable amount of effort, most of them would have already.

But I know OP’s husband is eating badly right now and not moving much, and obviously that is not straight genetics. I don’t understand people like OP’s DH but my guess is that a lot of it is fatalistic and shame based. He has tried so many things for years and things have only gotten worse, so he figures there is no point in trying again. This is why I don’t think that people should try to lose weight. Weight loss is so complicated and hard to achieve long-term, so people set unrealistic expectations for themselves and then feel awful when they fail. If, 20 years ago, OP’s husband decided that instead of trying to lose weight he would try to maintain it, that probably have worked and the present situation could have been avoided.

Anyways, I vote Ozempic. [/quote]

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