Obese spouse...I'm tired of this.
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Anonymous
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Married nearly 30 yrs. Together since our 20s. 50s now. Spouse is obese. I am normal bmi and am healthy weight etc. He is a great person, kind, good father to our two grown kids. In his 20s he was 10-20lbs overweight. No biggie for me. In his 30s he was 20-30 lbs overweight. No biggie since he's tall but I was starting to get a little concerned. In his 40s he was 30-40 lbs overweight. In his 50s he is 50 lbs overweight. He's been talking about losing weight for 20 years. I've never said anything and have always cooked dialybhealthy meals for us both. Every now and then he'd go on a low carb kick or vegetarian kick or something and I'd join him in solidarity. He eats healthy bc I cook. But he is a stacker (junk) and likes a nightly beer or two. He's also got a sweet tooth. Even though I don't buy junk food I'll find it stashed Herr and there in the cabinets. Ill see vending machine charges foe candy on the credit card.
Problem is he has heart disease, nafld and is pre diabetic. His cardiologist said he must lose weight and I thought that would wake him up. He hasn't had a heart attack yet. I'm so worried but I've been concerned foe 20 plus years and know you can never change someone. We are still intimate on a regular basis but I fele guilty to say in the past couple years since he hit obese category I do not find him sexually attractive. I feel really bad about this. Thoughts? This is beyond "you need to cook healthy food". |
Anonymous
| Seems like the perfect candidate for Wegovy |
Anonymous
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There is nothing you can do. My close co-worker's husband (late 40s) just had a heart attack due to his lifestyle. it's put pressure on her to continue caring for their two young children (9 and 5, I believe) and she's really irritated about it. She's had to miss work, stretch herself, and take a financial hit since he is an hourly worker (electrician). There is impact to you. Hopefully you have life insurance on him from when you were younger.
The only advice I have is to share how this impacts YOU. Ultimately, though, he has to want to change. I'm sorry, it sucks. |
Anonymous
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the heat attack thing never works bc the person can easily observe reality - tons of people who are carrying an extra 50 pounds are just fine
If you find him unattractive bc you view home as lazy or weak for being overweight you need to accept that and deal with your feelings |
Anonymous
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You have to do some damage control in case he gets hospitalized
It’s up to you what you do but he is a liability that way |
Anonymous
OP here. He is on three medications for his heart and lipids. He is at very high risk for HA / MI. Per his cardiologist. He had a great deal of plaque and multivessel disease. He found out about this three years ago when he turned 50. I thought this would be a wake up call. It wasn't. He just gained weight and i forgot to mention, picked up an occasional nicotine habit. Its bad.. I'm upset and angry. He does exercise a lot though. |
Anonymous
| 50 pounds for a guy isn't that bad. |
Anonymous
He's in the obese category and has a Santa belly. |
Anonymous
Yes, it is. 50 pounds overweight is bad for anyone. |
Anonymous
| If a man posted he didn’t find his wife attractive because she gained weight, this thread world be 10 pages of excuses by now. He’d be told he’s a horrible person and he just needs to deal with it, so I’d say you just need to accept it and take a look at yourself. |
Anonymous
Her DH had an MI and she’s “really irritated about it” because she had to miss work? Glad I’m not married to her. |
Anonymous
For a pre-diabetic with heart issues, it is that bad. |
Anonymous
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Sadly:
Most adults gain on average 1-2 pounds each year. Everyone has to do their part, only your DH can control it. |
Anonymous
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Regular exercise and being sure to take his medication is going to be much more beneficial than weight loss.
There isn’t any evidence that losing weight will prevent death from cardiovascular disease, and there is evidence that it doesn’t, particularly in someone who is pre-diabetic. (Yes, obese people are more likely to die from heart disease, but correlation is not causation. This is kind of obvious if you take away the stigma of obesity. For example, people with PhDs are less likely to die from heart disease. But you aren’t going to prevent a heart attack by getting a PhD.). |
Anonymous
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Why don’t you cook food that he likes and encourage him to eat enough at meals? No one gets food from a vending machine unless they are hungry.
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