How to get over someone you had the most incredible chemistry with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP with a similar situation. Kids are between the ages of 1 and 8. So that’s 10-17 years of “temporary.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP with a similar situation. Kids are between the ages of 1 and 8. So that’s 10-17 years of “temporary.”

So what? It is surmountable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP, not that PP you're responding to, but: If the kids are young, that PP and the man would have to wait quite a few years. With young kids, spread out in ages, it could take MANY years before that PP could move, or the man could move. And if you think, once they turn 18 they're adults, they go to college, empty nest time, etc. -- that's a big assumption. There can be many compelling reasons for parents to maintain the family home the kids grew up in. A need to keep residency in a particular state, a job that is paying for college tuition or whatever other training the over-18 kid is doing, and sometimes, the young adult's emotional needs. You cannot know what that PP is facing, how old her kids and his kids are, how long (10 years? 15? More?) they'd have to wait for those "kids to grow up." They both seem to be choosing their kids over their relationship and that is appropriate. It is not the rosy, romantic "it's not insurmountable if you love each other!" stuff that some here are telling the OP. But it's more realistic.

People can wait 10-20 years for someone. They just have to wait to be together. It is not insurmountable. My kids are younger than 10. I could wait if it was the right person. I can also see them very occasionally a few times a year for 10 or more years and I’d be completely fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP, not that PP you're responding to, but: If the kids are young, that PP and the man would have to wait quite a few years. With young kids, spread out in ages, it could take MANY years before that PP could move, or the man could move. And if you think, once they turn 18 they're adults, they go to college, empty nest time, etc. -- that's a big assumption. There can be many compelling reasons for parents to maintain the family home the kids grew up in. A need to keep residency in a particular state, a job that is paying for college tuition or whatever other training the over-18 kid is doing, and sometimes, the young adult's emotional needs. You cannot know what that PP is facing, how old her kids and his kids are, how long (10 years? 15? More?) they'd have to wait for those "kids to grow up." They both seem to be choosing their kids over their relationship and that is appropriate. It is not the rosy, romantic "it's not insurmountable if you love each other!" stuff that some here are telling the OP. But it's more realistic.

People can wait 10-20 years for someone. They just have to wait to be together. It is not insurmountable. My kids are younger than 10. I could wait if it was the right person. I can also see them very occasionally a few times a year for 10 or more years and I’d be completely fine with it.

The rose-colored glasses are strong with this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP, not that PP you're responding to, but: If the kids are young, that PP and the man would have to wait quite a few years. With young kids, spread out in ages, it could take MANY years before that PP could move, or the man could move. And if you think, once they turn 18 they're adults, they go to college, empty nest time, etc. -- that's a big assumption. There can be many compelling reasons for parents to maintain the family home the kids grew up in. A need to keep residency in a particular state, a job that is paying for college tuition or whatever other training the over-18 kid is doing, and sometimes, the young adult's emotional needs. You cannot know what that PP is facing, how old her kids and his kids are, how long (10 years? 15? More?) they'd have to wait for those "kids to grow up." They both seem to be choosing their kids over their relationship and that is appropriate. It is not the rosy, romantic "it's not insurmountable if you love each other!" stuff that some here are telling the OP. But it's more realistic.

People can wait 10-20 years for someone. They just have to wait to be together. It is not insurmountable. My kids are younger than 10. I could wait if it was the right person. I can also see them very occasionally a few times a year for 10 or more years and I’d be completely fine with it.

"I'D be completely fine with it"? But the other person might not be completely fine with "a few times a year for 10 or more years" seeing each other and, let's be blunt, having sex only a few times a year. That is, IF the two people commit to exclusivity. For a decade or two in other cities? It will fall apart.

You consider yourself a true romantic, don't you, PP? The sweeping, huge generalizations: "People can wait 10-20 years for someone." They can, but in reality, few will.

You sound very young. I'm betting you're not, but you sound young--and naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP, not that PP you're responding to, but: If the kids are young, that PP and the man would have to wait quite a few years. With young kids, spread out in ages, it could take MANY years before that PP could move, or the man could move. And if you think, once they turn 18 they're adults, they go to college, empty nest time, etc. -- that's a big assumption. There can be many compelling reasons for parents to maintain the family home the kids grew up in. A need to keep residency in a particular state, a job that is paying for college tuition or whatever other training the over-18 kid is doing, and sometimes, the young adult's emotional needs. You cannot know what that PP is facing, how old her kids and his kids are, how long (10 years? 15? More?) they'd have to wait for those "kids to grow up." They both seem to be choosing their kids over their relationship and that is appropriate. It is not the rosy, romantic "it's not insurmountable if you love each other!" stuff that some here are telling the OP. But it's more realistic.

People can wait 10-20 years for someone. They just have to wait to be together. It is not insurmountable. My kids are younger than 10. I could wait if it was the right person. I can also see them very occasionally a few times a year for 10 or more years and I’d be completely fine with it.

The rose-colored glasses are strong with this one.

LOL for real

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

OP you don’t love each other. People who love each other find a way.

Someone call up Shakespeare and Tolstoy and let them know that. Clearly they made massive errors in their works of fiction if that's the case

If Tolstoy is your model for relAtionships you’ve got problems!

Why? better than the loveless marriage you pretend to be fulfilled in...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

I never got over it and it has been almost 20 years.

+1
Not everyone is lucky enough to experience it in their lifetime. But for those that do, it's unforgettable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Is this a new theme on DCUM, crowdsourcing relationship advice for cheaters but with the cheating scrubbed out of the story? I’ve gotten this feeling on multiple recent threads.

I don’t think OP ever said they cheating or even hinted at it. DCUM posters made their own narrative to fit their response and ran with it.

+1000

As per usual... the elaborate fantasies the DCUM hausfraus come up with always have to have some kind of moralistic bent. They can't conceive of complex situations for any other reason than an affair that needs to be scolded

[Anonymous]

Most DCUM women are terrified of their husband's (meal tickets) leaving them for another woman, hence the hyperfixation on "you must be having an affair!!!!" in every post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

It took me three years. One year of complete heartache and two years of being happy by myself. I had to get to a point where I could love again. It’s very important to have zero contact. I have since met someone and have the same amazing connection I had before. It will get better it just takes time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

It took me three years. One year of complete heartache and two years of being happy by myself. I had to get to a point where I could love again. It’s very important to have zero contact. I have since met someone and have the same amazing connection I had before. It will get better it just takes time.

The fact you took substantial time to "be happy by myself" -- if you mean, not looking get into a relationship, maybe even not dating at all -- is good, PP.

I wish more people would do that. I've seen friends who went through devastating ends to intense relationships, who tried quickly, if not almost immediately, to leap back into the dating pool, with the intent of finding another relationship ASAP. And in each case it only meant more heartbreak. They were mostly trying to BOTH forget the ex and at the same time, replicate what they had with the ex. Better to take a long breath and let the confusion and heartbreak cool off at least a bit.

[Anonymous]

You don’t forget about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

14 years here and have moved on but never forgotten.

In my 60s and have never forgotten a couple of people. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible he has mistaken or confused you for someone else and he was actually trying to break up with that person, not you, and now he is saying where did that woman go? We had so much chemistry between us. Do you have a similar name or initials, or a similar look or even email address or phone number (text) that could have resulted in him thinking that other person is you, or that you are them? If so it is time for a honest sit down.

Mistaken identities of false associations are often the culprit in these kinds of situations. It's like a cowboy movie or something.