How to get over someone you had the most incredible chemistry with

[Anonymous]

Life can be long just like PP said and things may line up again someday.
I’m sure it hurts terribly but when some time passes that sadness could turn into gratitude for the experience.

I spent close to two years being heartsick for someone that in retrospect I really barely got to know, but a few months ago that sadness turned into gratitude and I feel incredibly lucky for having had them in my life for that brief time.

[Anonymous]

BTDT. After a couple months I no longer felt daily heartbreak over it. I also kind of accepted that if we really thought the person was "the one" and worth it we would have made the sacrifices to be there. Either he would turn down an amazing job opportunity or I would have moved across the country with him. Coming to that realization really helped me move on. The chemistry and love was there, but it wasnt enough for me to upend my life for him. A year later I met DH and I have zero regrets. I cant imagine my life with anyone but DH

[Anonymous]

I went through something very similar. It took me about 3 years and a couple of relationships to move past the loss and pain. I just recently met someone with whom I have a similar chemistry. So there is hope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

Years, unfortunately. It's hard and terrible but the only way through it is time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just had a break up due to logistics with someone I had the most explosive chemistry with. Not to be explicit because obviously the thread needs to be SFW, but I've never had the kind of connection or passion in the bedroom with anyone like this. Breaking up has been shockingly hard, and I didnt expect to be hit so hard with the loss. Has anyone else experienced this kind of break up and if so, how do you move on and forget about it?

Any brain chemistry attraction too? Those are more difficult and need more time to get over than just physical.

Person, Place and Timing.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if part of the intensity was the fact that there (in your mind) is no possibility of every night . . . for as long as you both shall live. Or, until you divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just had a break up due to logistics with someone I had the most explosive chemistry with. Not to be explicit because obviously the thread needs to be SFW, but I've never had the kind of connection or passion in the bedroom with anyone like this. Breaking up has been shockingly hard, and I didnt expect to be hit so hard with the loss. Has anyone else experienced this kind of break up and if so, how do you move on and forget about it?

I’ll be honest with you, I still think of my greatest lover 33 years after our untimely breakup.

The chemistry was phenomenal which is why logic dictates that it was a connection very much colored by lust, and so over the years I have assessed in the context of other relationship experiences and I realized rationally that the emotional and intellectual connection was very likely not there as much as I like to imagine because great sex really, really blinds you to red flags. It is important to recognize that on some level great sex is purely biological, and as we all know as a matter of biology, even great sex wanes a lot after children and other pressures of life, so it cannot be the primary basis of a lasting relationship.

It’s just very hard to ever forget that kind of rush of hormones that happens when you find a really great sex partner - the human brain is hardwired for wanting that and our culture conditions us from early childhood to consider that kind of passionate sexual attraction as synonymous with LOVE.

I would say cherish the memories - use them for masturbation and in future couplings where you need to imagine somebody else. But don’t kid yourself that it was meant to be. It’s just really hot sex and could have easily blown up in your face into the worst relationship you ever experienced. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

It takes a long time but it’s even longer if you sit at home alone and think about it. As they say to get over someone you need to get under someone.

[Anonymous]

This sounds less like heartbreak from being in love versus some lusty physical chemistry bonking.

You’ll be fine, focus on your studies, work and friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if part of the intensity was the fact that there (in your mind) is no possibility of every night . . . for as long as you both shall live. Or, until you divorce.

lol

[Anonymous]

Reminding myself that the experience of chemistry with someone else is proof that I am capable of the experience and that I want intimacy as well as intensity.

The reason that you hadn't experienced that level of chemistry before is because you weren't ready for it - and you've proven to yourself that you are now, and when you don't have it with people in the future, you will quickly filter them out and allow other people you are better suited for you in.

Seriously - you are growing and up-leveling. xoxo

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible he has mistaken or confused you for someone else and he was actually trying to break up with that person, not you, and now he is saying where did that woman go, we had so much chemistry between us? Do you have a similar name or initials, or a similar look or even email address or phone number (text) that could have resulted in him thinking that other person is you, or that you are them? If so it is time for a honest sit down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

That’s all BS. You are both choosing to break up for valid reasons. You are prioritizing other things over your relationship. Which is fine. But own it, accept it, and move on. But even if you did stay together, amazing chemistry fades with time.

Well no, we didn't really choose it. That's kind of the point. Not sure why people on DCUM have some kind of a narrative they always insist on and then try to bludgeon/twist the arm of the OP until they agree to go along with it. Maybe an intellectual inability to conceptualize that others have different lived experiences?

New poster. OP, you are absolutely accurate above when you point out the classic DCUM tendency to insist on one narrative and then criticize an OP if the OP says no, that's not my situation. I'm sorry. It's endemic here. I understand where you're coming from and understand that the "Logistics! You are choosing to break up!" etc. posts have zero grasp of your feelings. They want to browbeat you into some kind of admission of responsibility they think you're avoiding, when that is not necessarily the case.

As someone who has been where you are (though of course our individual circumstances are just that--individual, and unique), I can say:

You may never "get over it." That's not meant to be cruel or harsh; it's actually freeing, if you can embrace the idea that you had an experience that was worthwhile in itself, but you will never replicate it.

OP, think of this period as grieving -- you are grieving a loss, much like a kind of death. It's OK to grieve it, to feel angry, hollow, helpless, then resigned. Let yourself grieve it but do not wallow. I intentionally chose to keep myself very occupied with other things, work, volunteering I valued, and traveling to visit friends, for a period of time. The relationship, because of the chemistry, was intense and inwardly focused between the two of us, so it helped immensely to reach outward on purpose and get more involved with others (in non-dating, non-romantic ways, of course). I am not saying blithely, "Volunteer and you'll feel better!" Not at all. But consider if there are ways to be around other people, seeing other needs, or just visiting friends who do not know this person and with whom you have a long, positive history. It helps. It won't "get you over him," but it will get you back into the rest of your life. I did meet and marry the best person for me, a few years later, and we've been married for decades, so there's a life and a more mature, if less chemistry-driven, relationship out there for most of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it possible he has mistaken or confused you for someone else and he was actually trying to break up with that person, not you, and now he is saying where did that woman go, we had so much chemistry between us? Do you have a similar name or initials, or a similar look or even email address or phone number (text) that could have resulted in him thinking that other person is you, or that you are them? If so it is time for a honest sit down.

???

OP said he did not break up with her.

PP, are you in the right thread?

[Anonymous]

That intense chemistry fades, OP. It has to, or we would all walk around in that drugged up state. Maybe you'd get 3 years max where it was that good, but then you have to work hard at growing it into companionate love.

Believe me, I am addicted to that intense chemistry. I've had it with a few boyfriends. It's amazing and makes life so incredible. But it always always always fades with time.