How to get over someone you had the most incredible chemistry with

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Is this a new theme on DCUM, crowdsourcing relationship advice for cheaters but with the cheating scrubbed out of the story? I’ve gotten this feeling on multiple recent threads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Is this a new theme on DCUM, crowdsourcing relationship advice for cheaters but with the cheating scrubbed out of the story? I’ve gotten this feeling on multiple recent threads.

I don’t think OP ever said they cheating or even hinted at it. DCUM posters made their own narrative to fit their response and ran with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Is this a new theme on DCUM, crowdsourcing relationship advice for cheaters but with the cheating scrubbed out of the story? I’ve gotten this feeling on multiple recent threads.

I don’t think OP ever said they cheating or even hinted at it. DCUM posters made their own narrative to fit their response and ran with it.

But no hint because it was carefully scrubbed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Exactly what I came here to say. This screams "affair".

+2… the only truly “insurmountable” logistics issue. 😅😂

Even that is not insurmountable—it’s called divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Is this a new theme on DCUM, crowdsourcing relationship advice for cheaters but with the cheating scrubbed out of the story? I’ve gotten this feeling on multiple recent threads.

I don’t think OP ever said they cheating or even hinted at it. DCUM posters made their own narrative to fit their response and ran with it.

+1

I'm a DP on the thread and agreed with OP earlier, and you now, that it's so very DCUM for people to insist on their own narratives about OPs (this one, or any OP) and then slam the OP when they say no, that's not the situation. I see there's already someone in the past few posts doubling down on saying OP "scrubbed" the details. People just cannot or will not take any OP at face value and answer the questions asked, but have to jump in with assumptions. Or they demand specifics that no OP owes them, if answering the original question doesn't require them. OP asked for input on how to get over a now-ended relationship, and that can be answered whether the relationship is a marriage, a dating relationship, a FWB, an affair. But nope, judgy judges gotta judge, and can't do that unless they insist on a narrative they can judge, right?

I knew from the start that the thread would devolve into some posters insisting this "had" to be an affair and yep, that happened. People cannot believe that anything short of being in a marriage could possibly keep people apart "if you really love each other" and "if he really wants to be with YOU" and so on. Seeing plenty of that here. And if this actually was an affair, because OP hasn't said and does not owe us that detail? Well, it's over and she's not here asking "How can we make it work to be together."

Having had an intense relationship that was also one where it could not have ended with us together, I get where OP is coming from. I mentioned it once long ago in a response on a thread and someone jumped in to say "Was either of you married? This must have been an affair" despite my saying both of us were unattached. It's where the DCUM hive mind goes because it only sees: Either you're cheating and he/she went back to the spouse, or you're not cheating but he/she does not love you enough to make "logistics" work.

[Anonymous]

In what wonderful world do some of you live that you can’t conceive of logistics that are insurmountable?

[Anonymous]

Did Op ever come out and deny that it was an affair?

I guess it makes no sense to be so dodgy in an anonymous forum- unless it’s an affair!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did Op ever come out and deny that it was an affair?

I guess it makes no sense to be so dodgy in an anonymous forum- unless it’s an affair!

[Anonymous]

I have the best s*x of my life with a guy who lives in California. I live near D.C. He won't do long distance dating and neither one of us can move. So the times when we can get together are amazing but it's definitely sad that we can't hang more often, especially since he's a really cool guy otherwise. So I get it. Hopefully I can find someone local so is at least decent in bed and actually available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My guess is they are both married to other people hence why the OP is so cagey

Is this a new theme on DCUM, crowdsourcing relationship advice for cheaters but with the cheating scrubbed out of the story? I’ve gotten this feeling on multiple recent threads.

I don’t think OP ever said they cheating or even hinted at it. DCUM posters made their own narrative to fit their response and ran with it.

+1

I'm a DP on the thread and agreed with OP earlier, and you now, that it's so very DCUM for people to insist on their own narratives about OPs (this one, or any OP) and then slam the OP when they say no, that's not the situation. I see there's already someone in the past few posts doubling down on saying OP "scrubbed" the details. People just cannot or will not take any OP at face value and answer the questions asked, but have to jump in with assumptions. Or they demand specifics that no OP owes them, if answering the original question doesn't require them. OP asked for input on how to get over a now-ended relationship, and that can be answered whether the relationship is a marriage, a dating relationship, a FWB, an affair. But nope, judgy judges gotta judge, and can't do that unless they insist on a narrative they can judge, right?

I knew from the start that the thread would devolve into some posters insisting this "had" to be an affair and yep, that happened. People cannot believe that anything short of being in a marriage could possibly keep people apart "if you really love each other" and "if he really wants to be with YOU" and so on. Seeing plenty of that here. And if this actually was an affair, because OP hasn't said and does not owe us that detail? Well, it's over and she's not here asking "How can we make it work to be together."

Having had an intense relationship that was also one where it could not have ended with us together, I get where OP is coming from. I mentioned it once long ago in a response on a thread and someone jumped in to say "Was either of you married? This must have been an affair" despite my saying both of us were unattached. It's where the DCUM hive mind goes because it only sees: Either you're cheating and he/she went back to the spouse, or you're not cheating but he/she does not love you enough to make "logistics" work.

+2 well said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Could have been long distance. Those are difficult to maintain at best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have the best s*x of my life with a guy who lives in California. I live near D.C. He won't do long distance dating and neither one of us can move. So the times when we can get together are amazing but it's definitely sad that we can't hang more often, especially since he's a really cool guy otherwise. So I get it. Hopefully I can find someone local so is at least decent in bed and actually available.

Yeah, I wouldn’t get too attached. He refuses to date but is happy to sleep with you?

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation with an old HS friend I reconnected with. We are both divorced and co-parenting out respective children in cities nowhere near each other. Neither of us was even considering moving our children away from their other parent or moving away from their children. So yes, insurmountable logistics.

That is temporary. Not insurmountable. Kids grow up.

DP, not that PP you're responding to, but: If the kids are young, that PP and the man would have to wait quite a few years. With young kids, spread out in ages, it could take MANY years before that PP could move, or the man could move. And if you think, once they turn 18 they're adults, they go to college, empty nest time, etc. -- that's a big assumption. There can be many compelling reasons for parents to maintain the family home the kids grew up in. A need to keep residency in a particular state, a job that is paying for college tuition or whatever other training the over-18 kid is doing, and sometimes, the young adult's emotional needs. You cannot know what that PP is facing, how old her kids and his kids are, how long (10 years? 15? More?) they'd have to wait for those "kids to grow up." They both seem to be choosing their kids over their relationship and that is appropriate. It is not the rosy, romantic "it's not insurmountable if you love each other!" stuff that some here are telling the OP. But it's more realistic.