How to get over someone you had the most incredible chemistry with

[Anonymous]

First, part of the chemistry may be due to the logistics issue. Maybe it added excitement? As for how you get over someone? If it was a person you were not in love with, chalk it up to life's experiences. For the small number you fall in love with, you will never completely forget them. And if it ends, it really hurts and totally sucks.

My advice: realize the world is full of billions of people and unless you live in a cave, on a seemingly normal day,someone will enter your life and make you forget all the hurt that has happened. And that person you are trying to get over will fade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

OP you don’t love each other. People who love each other find a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

14 years here and have moved on but never forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

That’s all BS. You are both choosing to break up for valid reasons. You are prioritizing other things over your relationship. Which is fine. But own it, accept it, and move on. But even if you did stay together, amazing chemistry fades with time.

Well no, we didn't really choose it. That's kind of the point. Not sure why people on DCUM have some kind of a narrative they always insist on and then try to bludgeon/twist the arm of the OP until they agree to go along with it. Maybe an intellectual inability to conceptualize that others have different lived experiences?

Yes you really are. I don’t think you understand what people do to be together.

[Anonymous]

If it was an affair it was just the excitement of being with someone new. It's not real. Real is day in and day out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

Trust me OP — if he had just dumped you it would be worse. Why wouldn’t you have lingering feelings after being dumped? I’ve been dumped a couple of times (once very recently), and it’s brutal. Exactly because I had feelings, and then all my hopes were dashed. It’s called heartbreak. So please explain how being dumped sets you free from lingering feelings, because if you could bottle that elixir, you will become very wealthy. And I’m left with my lingering feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

Trust me OP — if he had just dumped you it would be worse. Why wouldn’t you have lingering feelings after being dumped? I’ve been dumped a couple of times (once very recently), and it’s brutal. Exactly because I had feelings, and then all my hopes were dashed. It’s called heartbreak. So please explain how being dumped sets you free from lingering feelings, because if you could bottle that elixir, you will become very wealthy. And I’m left with my lingering feelings.

I’m not OP but it’s easier to get over someone who doesn’t want you than someone who is just prevented from being with you.

I may be heartbroken for a while but ultimately I don’t want anyone to be with me unless they are crazy about me.

[Anonymous]

is it possible that the guy with whom you had the 'incredible chemistry' was a narcissist who love bombed you. I had this incredibly passionate love affair in college with this dude and in retrospect I realized that he was a narcissist who love bombed people. He was very charismatic but all of his relationships only lasted like three months. He was really into you --- until he wasn't. I was destroyed for several years afterwards and thought I would never find love ever again. Took me a while to realize that I was witnessing mental illness and not passion, and to realize that I dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

OP you don’t love each other. People who love each other find a way.

Agree. OP is the Typical woman in an affair. Drama seekers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That intense chemistry fades, OP. It has to, or we would all walk around in that drugged up state. Maybe you'd get 3 years max where it was that good, but then you have to work hard at growing it into companionate love.

Believe me, I am addicted to that intense chemistry. I've had it with a few boyfriends. It's amazing and makes life so incredible. But it always always always fades with time.

+100

My husband and I had it bad—-crazy! Felt like losing a limb when we weren’t together. “Get a room” teasing. While it can spark up again 25 years later—-that new chemistry is something else. It’s not sustainable day in day out. It evolves to a warm ember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That intense chemistry fades, OP. It has to, or we would all walk around in that drugged up state. Maybe you'd get 3 years max where it was that good, but then you have to work hard at growing it into companionate love.

Believe me, I am addicted to that intense chemistry. I've had it with a few boyfriends. It's amazing and makes life so incredible. But it always always always fades with time.

+100

My husband and I had it bad—-crazy! Felt like losing a limb when we weren’t together. “Get a room” teasing. While it can spark up again 25 years later—-that new chemistry is something else. It’s not sustainable day in day out. It evolves to a warm ember.

Eh, DH and I have a warm ember but that’s all we’ve ever had. I bet you and your DH can heat that up to at least a little camp fire when the occasion calls for it. Don’t take it for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

14 years here and have moved on but never forgotten.

Similar. Grateful for what it was. I still think back with very good feelings, but no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

When people love one another, they will move mountains.

DH focused his entire career search to where I wanted to go. I got a new job to follow DH later. Then we moved again with kids. Now I’m a SAHM.

My BIL recently met someone great from California and he lives on the east coast. They both seemed to think it couldn’t work because both started recent jobs. I thought this was such an easy fix as both of them are extremely bright and could get jobs easily. Instead they gave up due to logistics.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. In a relationship, one person usually gives in or maybe loves the other more. In BIL’s situation, neither of them liked the other more enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

When people love one another, they will move mountains.

DH focused his entire career search to where I wanted to go. I got a new job to follow DH later. Then we moved again with kids. Now I’m a SAHM.

My BIL recently met someone great from California and he lives on the east coast. They both seemed to think it couldn’t work because both started recent jobs. I thought this was such an easy fix as both of them are extremely bright and could get jobs easily. Instead they gave up due to logistics.

I’m one of the PPs. It’s different later in life if you have kids who are in school and near their other parent. It’s not exactly easy to uproot kids lives, even for true love of one of their parents. Hence my earlier advice to be patient and open and focus on gratitude.

I don’t know what OP’s situation is but everyone jumping on her is really immature and annoying…