How to get over someone you had the most incredible chemistry with

[Anonymous]

Just had a break up due to logistics with someone I had the most explosive chemistry with. Not to be explicit because obviously the thread needs to be SFW, but I've never had the kind of connection or passion in the bedroom with anyone like this. Breaking up has been shockingly hard, and I didnt expect to be hit so hard with the loss. Has anyone else experienced this kind of break up and if so, how do you move on and forget about it?

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

[Anonymous]

Get into a healthy long-term relationship with someone and use the memories of Chemistry Person to bolster your sex life when it's in a lull, as is wont to happen.

[Anonymous]

Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Let me guess, op, he broke up with you? Logistics wouldn’t keep him away if he wanted to be with you, this isn’t like planning a date with your husband and saying “Well, we could go out this Friday, but no, we can’t because we’ve got to be out the door by 7 on Saturday so the kids can play football”, you are dealing with someone that no matter how good the sex was, he doesn’t care enough about you to keep seeing you.
It’s Monday, op. Go find another guy. Look for one who wants what you want and be honest with whatever that is. Block the old boyfriend, he strikes me as the sort that will randomly text you with the sole purpose of causing problems. My husband says that a lot of ghosting is probably the result of a person getting a text while they are on a first or second date where it’s too soon to ask “Who’s that guy that keeps texting” so it’s easier to just not be in touch or see the person again.
If you want a healthy relationship, be a healthy woman with healthy expectations, get the looser who dumped you out of the way and at the risk of being crass, realize that the best way to get over one man is to get under another one. If you’re not wired that way, you can at least have a date scheduled and then actually go on the date with an open mind and heart.

Hey, just to quickly answer your questions: 1) No, he didn't break up with me 2) The logistics are pretty insurmountable and not something that can be easily fixed or addressed without upending both of our lives. It's not BS- trust me, I wish it was. I think processing everything would be a lot easier if I could stuff it into a "if he wanted to, he would" box. As it is, it feels like there's just some karmic fated element working against us, not to be too pessimistic, and extremely little possibility for any kind of change. That's what makes it sadder to me- I think if he had just dumped me or been dodging the situation I wouldn't have any lingering feelings at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

Are one or both of you married?

[Anonymous]

For those who have experienced intense, life altering heartbreak like this, about how long *does* it take to move on and forget the other person?

[Anonymous]

I mean, if the chemistry was really that good- for both of you- why not upend your lives? Either it was that good or it wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

That’s all BS. You are both choosing to break up for valid reasons. You are prioritizing other things over your relationship. Which is fine. But own it, accept it, and move on. But even if you did stay together, amazing chemistry fades with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if the chemistry was really that good- for both of you- why not upend your lives? Either it was that good or it wasn't.

Why not upend our lives? You say that like you're talking about getting margaritas on a Tuesday, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time, give it some time.
Can the logistic situation change? Ours might change soon and gives us some hope.

I dont think the logistics can change, not without colossally shifting both our lives (and even then, possibly still no). That's what makes me sad. It all feels very final and like such a missed opportunity

That’s all BS. You are both choosing to break up for valid reasons. You are prioritizing other things over your relationship. Which is fine. But own it, accept it, and move on. But even if you did stay together, amazing chemistry fades with time.

Well no, we didn't really choose it. That's kind of the point. Not sure why people on DCUM have some kind of a narrative they always insist on and then try to bludgeon/twist the arm of the OP until they agree to go along with it. Maybe an intellectual inability to conceptualize that others have different lived experiences?

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it.

I focus on being grateful for having experienced it.

So few people do (and those who do not cannot understand).

Have an open mind, stay friends to the extent possible, life is sometimes long and often full of surprises. Who knows what tomorrow brings with this person or someone else.

It’s not possible to forget or “get over it” (whatever that means anyway). Focus on the gratitude. I smile every time I remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it.

I focus on being grateful for having experienced it.

So few people do (and those who do not cannot understand).

Have an open mind, stay friends to the extent possible, life is sometimes long and often full of surprises. Who knows what tomorrow brings with this person or someone else.

It’s not possible to forget or “get over it” (whatever that means anyway). Focus on the gratitude. I smile every time I remember.

Thank you, this really helps so much, more than you know. I've been crying a lot today and yesterday and this gives me a good measure of peace, so thank you, truly.

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it.

I focus on being grateful for having experienced it.

So few people do (and those who do not cannot understand).

Have an open mind, stay friends to the extent possible, life is sometimes long and often full of surprises. Who knows what tomorrow brings with this person or someone else.

It’s not possible to forget or “get over it” (whatever that means anyway). Focus on the gratitude. I smile every time I remember.

Thank you, this really helps so much, more than you know. I've been crying a lot today and yesterday and this gives me a good measure of peace, so thank you, truly.

You’re welcome. Sending you creepy internet hugs.

I’m the OP of this thread, for context:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/15/1097678.page#23887767