Serious roommate prob-what happened?

[Anonymous]

I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

[Anonymous]

I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

I blame the stereos in the dorms for my awful misophonia now. The thumping of bass makes me ragey.

[Anonymous]

Have your kid set some boundaries. Help her plan a respectful and clear conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your kid set some boundaries. Help her plan a respectful and clear conversation.

This is a great way to have rum poured in your shoes. Don't ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have your kid ask for a room change. This will not get better. It's not worth it to have to deal with it. And yes, unfortunately the kid NOT causing the problem is generally the one that moves.

My kid moved rooms and the process was really easy and quick. This happens every year and is not uncommon.

OP, please do not teach your kid to be passive aggressive like this.

So you’d rather your kid be miserable and sleep deprived?

Call it whatever you want but colleges will NOT move the problem kid. If your kid wants to get away from the problem they need to live.

Or be a martyr and stay.

Everyone is piling on on to the poor PP who apped Quote on the wrong message by accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell roommate to stop.

Make this the RA's problem, and wake up the RA every time roommate has a "health issue."

Great answer !!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is hard. And not new. Sounds like your DD is kind but that may not cut it here.

Forty years ago, winter quarter frosh year, my room mate brought in an early AM drunk hook up. In the morning, I told her, "that won't be happening again."

Spring quarter of same year, she started coming in consistently @ 2 AM after studying, banging around to get ready for bed. It went on for three nights. After the third one, I shook her awake in the morning before I left for breakfast (I took 9 AM classes, she took 10 AM classes) and she started sputtering about why I was waking her up when she needed her sleep. "Every night before I go to bed I get out all my clothes for the next day so I don't have to open my closet door/dresser then I pack my backpack and zip it up so I don't wake you up. You have a job and can't start studying till 9:30 so I am trying to be considerate. But if you wake me up one more time at 2 AM, then I will do this every morning till you stop."

It never happened again.

I wish my college roommate had done that with me. I was the terrible roommate my first year, for all kinds of embarrassing reasons. I feel like one good talking-to might have changed that - and I could look back on those 30 years ago without so much shame.

It really is ok to let go of the shame, pp. We live and we learn.

The poster who shook their college roommate awake as a comeuppance may have gotten their way, but that doesn't mean it was ok.

Gotten their way? Doesn't mean it was okay? My room mate was waking me up every night @ 2 AM, turning on the overhead light, slamming her closet door, leaving the bathroom door open while she got ready for bed, etc. That was effectively shaking me awake.

Believe you me - if it wasn't okay, my generally nice, but occasionally spoiled room mate would have let me know. She didn't because she knew what she was doing was indefensible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

I blame the stereos in the dorms for my awful misophonia now. The thumping of bass makes me ragey.

OMG, I have awful misophonia too but my triggers are not usually that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

I'm so sorry - that's horrible.

My room mate and I had a policy: study in the room till 11 pm, but need to go to the lounge or an empty classroom after that. Attended a LAC, so there was a classroom building nearby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

Did none of these kids fill out a roommate questionnaire? This is what happens when you pick someone based upon a Facebook or Instagram profile.

My kid's school encouraged the survey AND signing a roommate agreement early on, to settle issues like sleeping/quiet times, having overnight guests, etc.

Is that so rare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

Did none of these kids fill out a roommate questionnaire? This is what happens when you pick someone based upon a Facebook or Instagram profile.

My kid's school encouraged the survey AND signing a roommate agreement early on, to settle issues like sleeping/quiet times, having overnight guests, etc.

Is that so rare?

Our DCs attend schools where the schools do not allow roommate matching prior to first year. Our DD's match was pretty good - they ended the year friendly, but not friends. They still get a meal together every now and then, etc. Our DS's match was totally off, including that DS placed in a part of campus he ranked last on the list. The roommate was very passive-aggressive, creating a lot of stress for our go along, get along son. But both DCs made it through and was a learning experience for both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

Did none of these kids fill out a roommate questionnaire? This is what happens when you pick someone based upon a Facebook or Instagram profile.

My kid's school encouraged the survey AND signing a roommate agreement early on, to settle issues like sleeping/quiet times, having overnight guests, etc.

Is that so rare?

This was 1995. There was no roommate questionnaire, Facebook, or Instagram.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

I'm so sorry - that's horrible.

My room mate and I had a policy: study in the room till 11 pm, but need to go to the lounge or an empty classroom after that. Attended a LAC, so there was a classroom building nearby.

Sounds like mature young people reaching a reasonable compromise.

I don't see a lot of that on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

I'm so sorry - that's horrible.

My room mate and I had a policy: study in the room till 11 pm, but need to go to the lounge or an empty classroom after that. Attended a LAC, so there was a classroom building nearby.

Oh, we had 3 am fights about her refusing to use the lounge. I can still hear the clackity of the keys on her ancient keyboard!