Serious roommate prob-what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wax ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones and instructions to roommate not to wake her

how hard is it, really?

seriously??? her roommate obviously has mental issues. Your daughter should talk to the RA.

This

[Anonymous]

In the old days we would have yelled “leave me alone! I’m trying to sleep!”

I assume your DD has done this, and the roommate is strange and persistent? During the day, has your daughter said “you have to stop waking me up!” If she has done this and roommate persists further, then she can seek mediation

[Anonymous]

OP, you are looking for permission to get involved and you aren't finding it because you shouldn't get involved! Let.her.figure.this.out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were your daughter I'd tell the girl "You wake me up one more time between midnight and 7am, and I will make sure you regret it."

lol this is what I would do. Are you also from New Jersey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are looking for permission to get involved and you aren't finding it because you shouldn't get involved! Let.her.figure.this.out.

I’m really, really not. Not my personality (and my daughter would be mortified and disown me even if it were.) But it IS a stressful watching her get more and more exhausted and stressed so just interested in hearing other perspectives on this or other people’s experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My freshman is really struggling with sleep deprivation due to roommate issue. I’m definitely letting the college student come up with the plan and handle, but I’m curious about how things played out with other bad roommate situations.

(For context, they actually get along fine but the roommate is just needy, seems to be a combination hypochondriac/dramatic and will wake my daughter up to let her know her throat hurts, make herself herbal tea at three in the morning because she “feels a cold coming on”, wake daughter to ask her to help her walk to bathroom because she “sprained her ankle.” All of the ailments clear up before each weekend!)

She didn't sprain her ankle. She made it that up because she's afraid to walk in the dark alone to the bathroom in the night. (That's what I think.) She should ask to switch roommates if the roommate doesn't stop waking her up if asked.

[Anonymous]

Is there an RA or someone on the floor? This sounds like something you bring someone else in on.

This is a bit of a "boy who cried wolf" situation. She's abused the waking up so much that now there is NO SITUATION where a wake up is acceptable. The roommate can go wake up the RA and see how that goes.

[Anonymous]

Dump the roommate. Seriously, this is insane. She needs to get out of there NOW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communication!
College is the first opportunity many kids have had to deal with conflict resolution.
Time to talk to roommate gently to explain:
- it's not ok to wake up or be disruptive from midnight to 7am, unless a fire alarm or emergency
- not ok to disrupt homework either.
and get earplugs and perhaps a sleep mask.

This is the type of thing I have talked to her about. Unfortunately the roommate (who I do feel badly for as she’s clearly struggling) claims these ARE emergencies. Like “I coughed up blood in the bathroom do you think I should go to hospital” “yes!” “No, I don’t want to, but I can’t really breath so maybe? ” and on and on. And then the miracle improvement Thursday-Sunday am.

If the roommate is asking whether or not she needs to go to the hospital, that is a question she should be directing to her parent.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter needs to document these things and go to the RA. She needs to get guidance about whether or not to put the paperwork in to switch. This likely won't get better.

[Anonymous]

“You need to stop waking me in the middle of the night. The lack of sleep is harming my health. If you have a concern in the middle of the night that you can’t manage *quietly* on your own, go talk with the RA, or go to the lounge and call your parents. But you cannot wake me up anymore.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter needs to document these things and go to the RA. She needs to get guidance about whether or not to put the paperwork in to switch. This likely won't get better.

Plus 1. Good advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“You need to stop waking me in the middle of the night. The lack of sleep is harming my health. If you have a concern in the middle of the night that you can’t manage *quietly* on your own, go talk with the RA, or go to the lounge and call your parents. But you cannot wake me up anymore.”

New poster here.
The above is really good.
If your daughter wants to soften it a bit she could start out with "Larla, you are a really nice person and I've really enjoyed doing X with you (dinners, going to the gym...whatever roommate stuff they've done together) but..."


And after what the pp wrote above, I'd add something about "if you wake me up again, I will need to transfer to another room."

[Anonymous]

Thanks, all-this has been helpful.

[Anonymous]

My kid had a horrible room mate. Boyfriend (not a student) basically moved in day 1 and planned to stay there. RA got involved and BF left but roommate remained an ahole. My kid decided to change rooms. This was all done within a month of moving in. Once the process was started my kid had a new room within days.