Serious roommate prob-what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communication!
College is the first opportunity many kids have had to deal with conflict resolution.
Time to talk to roommate gently to explain:
- it's not ok to wake up or be disruptive from midnight to 7am, unless a fire alarm or emergency
- not ok to disrupt homework either.
and get earplugs and perhaps a sleep mask.

This is the type of thing I have talked to her about. Unfortunately the roommate (who I do feel badly for as she’s clearly struggling) claims these ARE emergencies. Like “I coughed up blood in the bathroom do you think I should go to hospital” “yes!” “No, I don’t want to, but I can’t really breath so maybe? ” and on and on. And then the miracle improvement Thursday-Sunday am.

If the roommate is asking whether or not she needs to go to the hospital, that is a question she should be directing to her parent.

She might have anxiety.

Agree to document dates and stories.

Your daughter needs to be direct and then call in the RA

This is way over the RA's head. I would keep the RA out of it and contact housing, OP. The RA is another student. You know that, right? Some of these parents sound insane, and the colleges are well aware (and well prepared).

Wrong. I WAS an RA. That is definitely the place to start. She is your way in to the Res Life system. Trust me. They train specifically to handle roommate discord, mental illness etc

Start with the RA definitely. But the RA is not going to be able to resolve this and you don't go to them for every single issue. Start with the RA and escalate so that you can change rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communication!
College is the first opportunity many kids have had to deal with conflict resolution.
Time to talk to roommate gently to explain:
- it's not ok to wake up or be disruptive from midnight to 7am, unless a fire alarm or emergency
- not ok to disrupt homework either.
and get earplugs and perhaps a sleep mask.

This is the type of thing I have talked to her about. Unfortunately the roommate (who I do feel badly for as she’s clearly struggling) claims these ARE emergencies. Like “I coughed up blood in the bathroom do you think I should go to hospital” “yes!” “No, I don’t want to, but I can’t really breath so maybe? ” and on and on. And then the miracle improvement Thursday-Sunday am.

If the roommate is asking whether or not she needs to go to the hospital, that is a question she should be directing to her parent.

She might have anxiety.

Agree to document dates and stories.

Your daughter needs to be direct and then call in the RA

This is way over the RA's head. I would keep the RA out of it and contact housing, OP. The RA is another student. You know that, right? Some of these parents sound insane, and the colleges are well aware (and well prepared).

Wrong. I WAS an RA. That is definitely the place to start. She is your way in to the Res Life system. Trust me. They train specifically to handle roommate discord, mental illness etc

Many of us were RA's, PP - HTF do you think we ended up in this hell hole?? They trained us for weeks, but we were not paid like the res life people (who earn an actual salary, and act accordingly). You seem to not be connecting the dots, which is only hurting your kid.

OP, go to the sourse. Go to the proper department. Colleges are big on chain of command. Don't bother with the RA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communication!
College is the first opportunity many kids have had to deal with conflict resolution.
Time to talk to roommate gently to explain:
- it's not ok to wake up or be disruptive from midnight to 7am, unless a fire alarm or emergency
- not ok to disrupt homework either.
and get earplugs and perhaps a sleep mask.

This is the type of thing I have talked to her about. Unfortunately the roommate (who I do feel badly for as she’s clearly struggling) claims these ARE emergencies. Like “I coughed up blood in the bathroom do you think I should go to hospital” “yes!” “No, I don’t want to, but I can’t really breath so maybe? ” and on and on. And then the miracle improvement Thursday-Sunday am.

If the roommate is asking whether or not she needs to go to the hospital, that is a question she should be directing to her parent.

She might have anxiety.

Agree to document dates and stories.

Your daughter needs to be direct and then call in the RA

This is way over the RA's head. I would keep the RA out of it and contact housing, OP. The RA is another student. You know that, right? Some of these parents sound insane, and the colleges are well aware (and well prepared).

Wrong. I WAS an RA. That is definitely the place to start. She is your way in to the Res Life system. Trust me. They train specifically to handle roommate discord, mental illness etc

Start with the RA definitely. But the RA is not going to be able to resolve this and you don't go to them for every single issue. Start with the RA and escalate so that you can change rooms.

Housing. There is a specific department. Housing. Once again for the cheap seats?

PP acts like they never lived on a campus in their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communication!
College is the first opportunity many kids have had to deal with conflict resolution.
Time to talk to roommate gently to explain:
- it's not ok to wake up or be disruptive from midnight to 7am, unless a fire alarm or emergency
- not ok to disrupt homework either.
and get earplugs and perhaps a sleep mask.

This is the type of thing I have talked to her about. Unfortunately the roommate (who I do feel badly for as she’s clearly struggling) claims these ARE emergencies. Like “I coughed up blood in the bathroom do you think I should go to hospital” “yes!” “No, I don’t want to, but I can’t really breath so maybe? ” and on and on. And then the miracle improvement Thursday-Sunday am.

If the roommate is asking whether or not she needs to go to the hospital, that is a question she should be directing to her parent.

She might have anxiety.

Agree to document dates and stories.

Your daughter needs to be direct and then call in the RA

This is way over the RA's head. I would keep the RA out of it and contact housing, OP. The RA is another student. You know that, right? Some of these parents sound insane, and the colleges are well aware (and well prepared).

Wrong. I WAS an RA. That is definitely the place to start. She is your way in to the Res Life system. Trust me. They train specifically to handle roommate discord, mental illness etc

Many of us were RA's, PP - HTF do you think we ended up in this hell hole?? They trained us for weeks, but we were not paid like the res life people (who earn an actual salary, and act accordingly). You seem to not be connecting the dots, which is only hurting your kid.

OP, go to the sourse. Go to the proper department. Colleges are big on chain of command. Don't bother with the RA.

*source

[Anonymous]

The RA has no say, and they will tell you that. Except that they will avoid you.

You are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“You need to stop waking me in the middle of the night. The lack of sleep is harming my health. If you have a concern in the middle of the night that you can’t manage *quietly* on your own, go talk with the RA, or go to the lounge and call your parents. But you cannot wake me up anymore.”

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wax ear plugs, noise cancelling headphones and instructions to roommate not to wake her

how hard is it, really?

She’s done those but roommate is trying to wake her-it’s often a tapping on her shoulder and saying her name situation not just being inconsiderately noisy. She has told her but you’re right she just needs to be even more direct and probably repeat it every night.

She needs to speak with the RA. She cannot manage the roommate's mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a room change due to unstable mental health of roommate. If not granted, document everything and start waking up RA for every little thing. Escalate if not handled after another couple weeks.

I would be worried about my own kids mental health if they’re not being allowed to sleep. Especially in this type of stressful time. I would consider it an emergency and yes I would get involved if my kid couldn’t handle it.

This. I would start with RA but escalate to Housing. I would NOT wake up RA in the middle of the night, that would also read as insane. But, the RA needs to work the proper chain of command re: the mental illness of the roommate. Many issues have onset around that age or in new circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a room change due to unstable mental health of roommate. If not granted, document everything and start waking up RA for every little thing. Escalate if not handled after another couple weeks.

I would be worried about my own kids mental health if they’re not being allowed to sleep. Especially in this type of stressful time. I would consider it an emergency and yes I would get involved if my kid couldn’t handle it.

This. I would start with RA but escalate to Housing. I would NOT wake up RA in the middle of the night, that would also read as insane. But, the RA needs to work the proper chain of command re: the mental illness of the roommate. Many issues have onset around that age or in new circumstances.

OP’s kid should not wake the RA. But they should tell the roommate to do that. That would document that the roommate needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Communication!
College is the first opportunity many kids have had to deal with conflict resolution.
Time to talk to roommate gently to explain:
- it's not ok to wake up or be disruptive from midnight to 7am, unless a fire alarm or emergency
- not ok to disrupt homework either.
and get earplugs and perhaps a sleep mask.

This is the type of thing I have talked to her about. Unfortunately the roommate (who I do feel badly for as she’s clearly struggling) claims these ARE emergencies. Like “I coughed up blood in the bathroom do you think I should go to hospital” “yes!” “No, I don’t want to, but I can’t really breathe so maybe? ” and on and on. And then the miracle improvement Thursday-Sunday am.

mental health referral for the roommate

Yes, needed for sure, but can't come from OP or OP's kid, has to be RA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask for a room change due to unstable mental health of roommate. If not granted, document everything and start waking up RA for every little thing. Escalate if not handled after another couple weeks.

I would be worried about my own kids mental health if they’re not being allowed to sleep. Especially in this type of stressful time. I would consider it an emergency and yes I would get involved if my kid couldn’t handle it.

This. I would start with RA but escalate to Housing. I would NOT wake up RA in the middle of the night, that would also read as insane. But, the RA needs to work the proper chain of command re: the mental illness of the roommate. Many issues have onset around that age or in new circumstances.

OP’s kid should not wake the RA. But they should tell the roommate to do that. That would document that the roommate needs help.

Exactly this. Finally someone speaking the language that colleges speak

(So obvious who claims to work at schools and who actually does!)

[Anonymous]

Op here-my daughter is not wanting to go to the ra for all the individual stuff bc as pps point out the ra is basically a peer. However, if the sleep deprivation issues continue she will need to make contact (in the day!) to start investigating the room switch process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-my daughter is not wanting to go to the ra for all the individual stuff bc as pps point out the ra is basically a peer. However, if the sleep deprivation issues continue she will need to make contact (in the day!) to start investigating the room switch process.

This, OP. Do not alienate the RA, as that will not heed positive results. If you alienate the RA, the RA can and will hold it against you. Know that the RA does not have the ultimate say on who switches or what rooms are actually available, as they simply do not have that information. Those claiming to have been RAs should know this (but they do not, because they were not).

[Anonymous]

I will never understand why we spend $50K/yr for college and then ruin the education with these ridiculous room sharing arrangements.

It really shows that schools don't take education seriously.

[Anonymous]

No one, NO ONE, is saying the RA will or should solve the problem. What people are saying is talking to the RA during the day is the first step, if only to confirm the process.

When I was in college the first step was a mediation with the RA, it was a four person apartment and a problem roommate eventually moved out.

I also agree with telling the roommate in the middle of the night that if it is an emergency THEY should call the RA.