Serious roommate prob-what happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your daughter I'd tell the girl "You wake me up one more time between midnight and 7am, and I will make sure you regret it."

Are you in the mafia?

Lol, just a regular NJ resident, I presume!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell roommate to stop.

Make this the RA's problem, and wake up the RA every time roommate has a "health issue."

Great answer !!!

Great way to become the problem!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

Too bad. She could have learned a lot about managing human relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

Too bad. She could have learned a lot about managing human relationships.

Adults don't share rooms. This is unnecessary "learning."

[Anonymous]

You DD tells her, "don't bother me!" And she risks the roommate not liking her, or being mad --- for awhile. That's life. That's adult relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is hard. And not new. Sounds like your DD is kind but that may not cut it here.

Forty years ago, winter quarter frosh year, my room mate brought in an early AM drunk hook up. In the morning, I told her, "that won't be happening again."

Spring quarter of same year, she started coming in consistently @ 2 AM after studying, banging around to get ready for bed. It went on for three nights. After the third one, I shook her awake in the morning before I left for breakfast (I took 9 AM classes, she took 10 AM classes) and she started sputtering about why I was waking her up when she needed her sleep. "Every night before I go to bed I get out all my clothes for the next day so I don't have to open my closet door/dresser then I pack my backpack and zip it up so I don't wake you up. You have a job and can't start studying till 9:30 so I am trying to be considerate. But if you wake me up one more time at 2 AM, then I will do this every morning till you stop."

It never happened again.

40 years ago I had a rude, inconsiderate roommate. I had 8am classes so by midnight would be asleep. They'd come in turn on all lights, talk on phone/play music, bring friends in and chat, etc. Despite asking they couldn't seem to study in the hall/lounge like everyone else did if their roommate was sleeping. I also was quite in the morning and made every effort to not be inconsiderate.
Worst was they would study with all lights on until 2am, then go to sleep and set their alarm for 4am "to study" for a test. And hit the snooze every 9 mins until I left at 7:30am. I asked two times this happened for them to not do that (just like I asked about everything else).
But I found a way to stop it. I unplugged the damn alarm clock one morning (at least the 3rd time it happened) and they almost slept thru their exam (or did I can't recall)

After that they finally became a bit more accommodating and respectful. Started studying in the hall/lounge and not making tons of noise/light after midnight if I was sleeping. But it was sad it took me being nasty for them to get such a simple concept.

Oh and I had tried to deal with it thru mediation with the RA. But that was challenging as the RA was a junior and just happened to be best friends with roommate's older brother. So I didn't trust the RA despite how he tried to appear neutral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your daughter I'd tell the girl "You wake me up one more time between midnight and 7am, and I will make sure you regret it."

Are you in the mafia?

Lol, just a regular NJ resident, I presume!

Damn. Hate black people too, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell roommate to stop.

Make this the RA's problem, and wake up the RA every time roommate has a "health issue."

Great answer !!!

Great way to become the problem!!

Pretty sure that you missed the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is hard. And not new. Sounds like your DD is kind but that may not cut it here.

Forty years ago, winter quarter frosh year, my room mate brought in an early AM drunk hook up. In the morning, I told her, "that won't be happening again."

Spring quarter of same year, she started coming in consistently @ 2 AM after studying, banging around to get ready for bed. It went on for three nights. After the third one, I shook her awake in the morning before I left for breakfast (I took 9 AM classes, she took 10 AM classes) and she started sputtering about why I was waking her up when she needed her sleep. "Every night before I go to bed I get out all my clothes for the next day so I don't have to open my closet door/dresser then I pack my backpack and zip it up so I don't wake you up. You have a job and can't start studying till 9:30 so I am trying to be considerate. But if you wake me up one more time at 2 AM, then I will do this every morning till you stop."

It never happened again.

40 years ago I had a rude, inconsiderate roommate. I had 8am classes so by midnight would be asleep. They'd come in turn on all lights, talk on phone/play music, bring friends in and chat, etc. Despite asking they couldn't seem to study in the hall/lounge like everyone else did if their roommate was sleeping. I also was quite in the morning and made every effort to not be inconsiderate.
Worst was they would study with all lights on until 2am, then go to sleep and set their alarm for 4am "to study" for a test. And hit the snooze every 9 mins until I left at 7:30am. I asked two times this happened for them to not do that (just like I asked about everything else).
But I found a way to stop it. I unplugged the damn alarm clock one morning (at least the 3rd time it happened) and they almost slept thru their exam (or did I can't recall)

After that they finally became a bit more accommodating and respectful. Started studying in the hall/lounge and not making tons of noise/light after midnight if I was sleeping. But it was sad it took me being nasty for them to get such a simple concept.

Oh and I had tried to deal with it thru mediation with the RA. But that was challenging as the RA was a junior and just happened to be best friends with roommate's older brother. So I didn't trust the RA despite how he tried to appear neutral.

That's terrible all around. Glad that it became more accommodating and respectful, if just a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

Did none of these kids fill out a roommate questionnaire? This is what happens when you pick someone based upon a Facebook or Instagram profile.

My kid's school encouraged the survey AND signing a roommate agreement early on, to settle issues like sleeping/quiet times, having overnight guests, etc.

Is that so rare?

That's not a thing anymore. Colleges don't care. They just assign people at random. HeIl, I went to school in the 90s and never filled out a roommate questionnaire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

Did none of these kids fill out a roommate questionnaire? This is what happens when you pick someone based upon a Facebook or Instagram profile.

My kid's school encouraged the survey AND signing a roommate agreement early on, to settle issues like sleeping/quiet times, having overnight guests, etc.

Is that so rare?

I don’t think most roommate questionnaires have items like “are you a drama loving hypochondriac?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

Too bad. She could have learned a lot about managing human relationships.

Nonsense. She'll learn that from the privacy of her own room. DP by the way, who is strongly in favor of individual rooms so US colleges aren't just an extension of boarding school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

Too bad. She could have learned a lot about managing human relationships.

Adults don't share rooms. This is unnecessary "learning."

Must young adults share their first apartment. So having navigated noise and guests and cleaning can come in handy. I think you are “wrong.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a terrible roommate who would come home at 11 pm and do homework until 5 am. I was (still am) a light sleeper and probably got an average of 3 hours a sleep a night that first year. It exacerbated a latent mental illness and I flunked out.

When I returned, I lived solo in an apartment. Did fantastic. Someone roommates just suck, but some people do better living alone.

Did none of these kids fill out a roommate questionnaire? This is what happens when you pick someone based upon a Facebook or Instagram profile.

My kid's school encouraged the survey AND signing a roommate agreement early on, to settle issues like sleeping/quiet times, having overnight guests, etc.

Is that so rare?

That's not a thing anymore. Colleges don't care. They just assign people at random. HeIl, I went to school in the 90s and never filled out a roommate questionnaire.

My kids did it twice (different schools) in the last three years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ended up getting my DD her own room. Dorms are just complete chaos.

Too bad. She could have learned a lot about managing human relationships.

Adults don't share rooms. This is unnecessary "learning."

Must young adults share their first apartment. So having navigated noise and guests and cleaning can come in handy. I think you are “wrong.”

Sharing an apartment and sharing a room the size of a shoe box are completely different things. Surely you know that. If not, maybe you should go back to college.