Husband refusing to push his surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did two ivf cycles and have two lovely kids to show for it but egg retrieval is not that dramatic. Op could have a friend or family member drive her. Dh needs to get his hernia fixed before they have a baby frankly. That’s when he needs to be on deck. We provided the sperm in advance, that was the only option actually.

Don’t be rational.

[Anonymous]

I don’t remember not being well after my egg retrieval. I think I worked from home that afternoon and was fine. You’ll be fine!

[Anonymous]

You're getting a preview of how he's going to act during your pregnancy, labor, and if he's asked to watch his child. His wants above your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to answer the question of whether he needs to be present.

Someone needs to drive her home after the egg retrieval. The clinic will not let you leave alone. If not her spouse she’ll have to arrange for a friend, family member or medical transport service.

There is also Uber Health, and there is also the option of just waiting there until the clinic says it's okay to drive home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to answer the question of whether he needs to be present.

Someone needs to drive her home after the egg retrieval. The clinic will not let you leave alone. If not her spouse she’ll have to arrange for a friend, family member or medical transport service.

There is also Uber Health, and there is also the option of just waiting there until the clinic says it's okay to drive home.

No, you can’t just wait there until the clinic lets you drive home. That’s not a thing. But I’m certain a friend would drive OP. I did 5 egg retrievals and friends drove me to each one.

[Anonymous]

My SIL had the surgery (or similar) that your husband is considering. She suffered for a long time before finally having it. It takes a while to get these types of surgeries scheduled so he might worry that rescheduling means an extra month or two of discomfort. I know you also can’t reschedule and so this is stressful for you. If they’re at least a few days apart, hopefully it won’t be an issue. My SIL wasn’t down very long. If they overlap, perhaps you can each have a family member take you to your respective procedures or help after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP should continue with her IVF cycle and get donor sperm.

So she ends up divorced and without child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to answer the question of whether he needs to be present.

Someone needs to drive her home after the egg retrieval. The clinic will not let you leave alone. If not her spouse she’ll have to arrange for a friend, family member or medical transport service.

There is also Uber Health, and there is also the option of just waiting there until the clinic says it's okay to drive home.

No, you can’t just hang around the clinic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP should continue with her IVF cycle and get donor sperm.

So she ends up divorced and without child support?

Better than having to parent a man baby in addition to the actual infant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to answer the question of whether he needs to be present.

He needs to be present to provide the sperm.

No, can be provided in advance.

But that’s an unnecessary risk they should not take. He needs to be there that day to do what men do, and support his wife..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My SIL had the surgery (or similar) that your husband is considering. She suffered for a long time before finally having it. It takes a while to get these types of surgeries scheduled so he might worry that rescheduling means an extra month or two of discomfort. I know you also can’t reschedule and so this is stressful for you. If they’re at least a few days apart, hopefully it won’t be an issue. My SIL wasn’t down very long. If they overlap, perhaps you can each have a family member take you to your respective procedures or help after.

That was probably pre-pandemic, right? Now, there is such a shortage of clinic medical workers and such a backlog of delayed "elective" procedures (ones that were not allowed during the pandemic) that if you don't take a given window, often you have to wait 2.5-5 months to get another window where the clinic and the specialist are both availble at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Just get help from any local friends/family and stick to your schedules. With any luck all goes well and your pregnancy timeline and his chronic pain are resolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're getting a preview of how he's going to act during your pregnancy, labor, and if he's asked to watch his child. His wants above your needs.

Surgery isn't a want. A baby is a want. Your thinking is entirely upside down.

If he's having chronic pain that needs to be addressed before bringing a child into the marriage. Can the IVF wait a month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are

Uh, no. Thanks for letting us know you know nothing about IVF.

The idea you would expect your spouse to suffer needlessly through any extra chronic pain is gross and appalling.

He’s just trying to one-up his wife. Not a good look.

What a terrible wife to think her husband should continue on with his pain when there is now a solution and date on the table.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're getting a preview of how he's going to act during your pregnancy, labor, and if he's asked to watch his child. His wants above your needs.

Surgery isn't a want. A baby is a want. Your thinking is entirely upside down.

If he's having chronic pain that needs to be addressed before bringing a child into the marriage. Can the IVF wait a month?

Neither needs to wait. At this point there is no firm date for the retrieval. If they happen to be the same day there is plenty of time to arrange friends or family members to help with transportation the day of.