Husband refusing to push his surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s wrong.

But this is a terrible sign for how he’ll be as a a partner and future father.

This guy is going to create an emergency whenever you’re going through labor or postpartum mastitis or a sleep regression. I’ve dated guys like this and it never changes. Whenever they sense that your attention is not on them they find a way to sabotage your life. (It would make no difference if he scheduled his surgery a week later — except in terms of your stress and attention.)

You won’t believe me because right now you want the baby more than the truth. But realistically you’re going to be daydreaming of divorce within a year. I would bet anything you pull the trigger within 5 years.

NP. WOW, does this post project like crazy. "This guy is going to create an emergency" whenever OP has any issues ever? PP, did someone screw you over like that? Because extrapolating that OP's DH is merely a drama queen who's going to "create" -- as in fabricate -- an emergency for himself "whenever" something happens is insane.

you have clearly never lived with chronic pain. It wears people down intensely, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too, and we can't know -- even OP cannot fully know -- how it has affected the DH for years now. Trying to scare the hell out of OP by painting her DH as some kind of divorce waiting to happen is cruel--and stupid. (My money is on this PP coming back to claim yes, I've been left in the lurch etc. Sorry if that's the case. But it is not a reason to project that onto OP's case at all.)

OP, don't listen to the "he's a jerk" talk. Especially not PP above who is flinging around divorce talk at you based on nothing at all.

ASK your DH if he was thinking in terms of wanting to get his pain issues fixed before you're pregnant and before the baby comes. Wouldn't you rather he had this surgery before all that? Do you get, as a far more sensible PP pointed out already, that dates for surgery can be extremely difficult to get, and moving them can entail months more of pain for your DH? And you can't nail down the date of your extraction?

Ask for outside help and ask now. Pay for it if you must. But please, OP, do not do as some here insist and get huffy and negative and tell him to put on his big boy pants. That's beyond condescending and insulting. To him and to you too, if you punish him for trying to resolve his pain.

[Anonymous]

I have relatives who have had both of those procedures and they are outpatient with almost no recovery time (as little as an hour or two).

[Anonymous]

If he really won’t even make an attempt to move it a week, he’s not ready to be a parent. 99% of parenting is understanding where our needs fall in the scheme of things.

If the infertility is on his end, this would be a dealbreaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he really won’t even make an attempt to move it a week, he’s not ready to be a parent. 99% of parenting is understanding where our needs fall in the scheme of things.

If the infertility is on his end, this would be a dealbreaker.

This is very extreme. Surgeons have waitlists that are months long???

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you both talk to the fertility doctor and to the surgeon and see what they recommend? Probably there is a workaround here. You don’t want him to not be able to give sperm when needed or have the sperm quality be impacted by the surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he really won’t even make an attempt to move it a week, he’s not ready to be a parent. 99% of parenting is understanding where our needs fall in the scheme of things.

If the infertility is on his end, this would be a dealbreaker.

This is very extreme. Surgeons have waitlists that are months long???

It's generally not the surgeon's waitlist; it's the operating room time waitlist. All areas of healthcare provision are currently understaffed, and this includes scrub techs, float nurses, and just basic time on the table there.

This is an elective surgery. It is placed in an elective slot, and those may well be months out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he really won’t even make an attempt to move it a week, he’s not ready to be a parent. 99% of parenting is understanding where our needs fall in the scheme of things.

If the infertility is on his end, this would be a dealbreaker.

This is very extreme. Surgeons have waitlists that are months long???

And IVF is a months-long process his wife has been going through on both of their behalf. Missing a retrieval date is asking his wife to do months more of this— and diminishing chances if success— and per the OP she said she asked that he avoid that date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are

Uh, no. Thanks for letting us know you know nothing about IVF.

[Anonymous]

You can revise your calendar and stay on the birth control an additional week or two before starting injections.

My mom passed away suddenly right when we started the birth control. I think I stayed on it an extra 3 weeks.

Btw, that was my first IVF cycle and the 8-year-old result is sitting across from me. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

You’re both drama queens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can revise your calendar and stay on the birth control an additional week or two before starting injections.

My mom passed away suddenly right when we started the birth control. I think I stayed on it an extra 3 weeks.

Btw, that was my first IVF cycle and the 8-year-old result is sitting across from me. Good luck.

For some women the birth control suppresses response and results in fewer eggs retrieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you both talk to the fertility doctor and to the surgeon and see what they recommend? Probably there is a workaround here. You don’t want him to not be able to give sperm when needed or have the sperm quality be impacted by the surgery.

+1

[Anonymous]

Is the sperm frozen or does he need to provide it the day of retrieval?

[Anonymous]

How involved/invested is he with the IVF? Because he couldn't seem to remember the date of your retrieval even when you told him right before he went to his appointment?

It feels passive-aggressive in a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chronic pain really sucks, OP. I'd want to get the surgery asap, too, if I was him.

This. OMG OP.