Husband refusing to push his surgery

[Anonymous]

Both things are a bit time sensitive. Your retrieval will be on the right day it needs to be. His surgeon may not have other openings. If I were him, I’d ask if there’s a slot the following week, but if the doctor says no, then you just do both and phone a friend to help out to bring you home and maybe help with dinner. I doubt they send him home the same day as the surgery. Best option, he goes in the day after your retrieval.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both things are a bit time sensitive. Your retrieval will be on the right day it needs to be. His surgeon may not have other openings. If I were him, I’d ask if there’s a slot the following week, but if the doctor says no, then you just do both and phone a friend to help out to bring you home and maybe help with dinner. I doubt they send him home the same day as the surgery. Best option, he goes in the day after your retrieval.

It’s usually an outpatient surgery.

[Anonymous]

I would ask him if he can have a buddy pick him up. After egg retrieval it can be painful to drive.

[Anonymous]

He’s the jerk. You can’t move an egg retrieval date.

The worst case is if both of your procedures take place on the same day. I assume he would need a driver (you) and your clinic won’t release you without a driver (your husband). I’d plan for friends to drive both of you.

[Anonymous]

An extra week of reflux that bad is a lot to ask of someone. You need to let him know that you may not be able to pick him up (driving can be uncomfortable if your abdomen is sensitive, the seat belt hurts). So he needs to make some other plan for getting home. Then you stock up on frozen dinners, take care of as much as you can in advance, and plan on both of you taking it very very easy and doing the bare minimum of everything. It'll be okay. I would let him go ahead and do what he wants, he probably doesn't need you hovering over him as much as you think he does.

[Anonymous]

Have your parents or inlaws come help out around the house while you are both out of commission if that’s what you’re worried about or play chauffeur. DoorDash, lower your standard for cleanliness for a week or so, that kind of stuff. Easy peazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are they on the exact same day?

I would not worry about helping him. Hire a nurse if need be.

Of course they aren't. She has no idea when the egg retrieval will be or if it'll actually happen (this is an actual possibility OP).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why he has to change his surgery. I don’t think he needs help and I don’t think you do either. Both of you should be fine.

My egg retrieval was done under anesthesia and I wasn't allowed to drive home. Also, my husband had to be there to provide his sperm.

The embryo implantation was 4 days later and there is no anesthesia for that part. However I would have been very disappointed if my husband couldn't come to that.

OP, are you sure your husband really wants a baby and isn't subconsciously trying to sabotage the IVF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s the jerk. You can’t move an egg retrieval date.

The worst case is if both of your procedures take place on the same day. I assume he would need a driver (you) and your clinic won’t release you without a driver (your husband). I’d plan for friends to drive both of you.

There is no date for an egg retrieval. It literally depends on how you respond to meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both things are a bit time sensitive. Your retrieval will be on the right day it needs to be. His surgeon may not have other openings. If I were him, I’d ask if there’s a slot the following week, but if the doctor says no, then you just do both and phone a friend to help out to bring you home and maybe help with dinner. I doubt they send him home the same day as the surgery. Best option, he goes in the day after your retrieval.

Will the friend also provide the sperm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why he has to change his surgery. I don’t think he needs help and I don’t think you do either. Both of you should be fine.

For IVF, most men can do their part on the day of, without their wives’ help (Although some do prefer help).

Why is he insisting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s the jerk. You can’t move an egg retrieval date.

The worst case is if both of your procedures take place on the same day. I assume he would need a driver (you) and your clinic won’t release you without a driver (your husband). I’d plan for friends to drive both of you.

There is no date for an egg retrieval. It literally depends on how you respond to meds.

Right but when they tell you the date, that's the date. You don't get a choice.

OP, I would plan on a friend to drive you, and plan on only taking care of your husband if you feel up to it. He will deal. Future dad needs to suck it up and take care of his own big boy self.

[Anonymous]

He’s wrong.

But this is a terrible sign for how he’ll be as a a partner and future father.

This guy is going to create an emergency whenever you’re going through labor or postpartum mastitis or a sleep regression. I’ve dated guys like this and it never changes. Whenever they sense that your attention is not on them they find a way to sabotage your life. (It would make no difference if he scheduled his surgery a week later — except in terms of your stress and attention.)

You won’t believe me because right now you want the baby more than the truth. But realistically you’re going to be daydreaming of divorce within a year. I would bet anything you pull the trigger within 5 years.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you think egg retrieval is going to disable you to the point of not being able to help him. You'll be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you think egg retrieval is going to disable you to the point of not being able to help him. You'll be just fine.

+1